A love letter to Lee Jones - Page 2 - Poker Beats Brags and Variance

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A love letter to Lee Jones

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09-02-2009 , 03:34 AM

#26

BouncinRound

adept

Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,055

Ya man, well said. Kudos good sir!

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09-02-2009 , 01:05 PM

#27

Urb Suna

newbie

Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 48

epic

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09-02-2009 , 02:16 PM

#28

gonzalo86

old hand

Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 1,578

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrivenerjones

F*** leatherass

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09-02-2009 , 02:26 PM

#29

booron

adept

Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 935

some1 dress up as eminem and film this ****!

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09-02-2009 , 02:36 PM

#30

NeverThere

adept

Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 879

Amazing work OP A+++++++++ there were just a couple sentances that didn't flow but I as I read it I replaced it with some flow that worked better in my head so its ok (fwiw I have the song memorized from listening to eminem so much)...

Very very good work, please record this over the beat and youtube it quick. Please also have a girl sing Dido's part and the girlfriend screaming in the back part.

I'll do my best to get it to a million hits

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09-02-2009 , 02:49 PM

#31

NeverThere

adept

Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 879

See if I can edit it a bit and make it flow a little better (your version is amazing, but just a bit of touch up)

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Sickness

To the tune of Eminem's Stan:

****ing card dead and wondering why
I Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t see this **** at all
And even if I didn’t it would still be great
'Til cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Dear Lee, I wrote you but im still not ballin
I left my email, Cake name, hell even my stars name at the bottom
I even left a message on your Cake blog back in autumn, you must not a got-em,
There probably was a glitch at Cake HQ or something
Sometimes I forget to check your twitter before I jot them
But anyways; **** it what’s been up? Man how’s your band been?
Im a musical artist too, have all the people dancing
And if I start a band, guess what I’ma call it?
I’ma name it the Lee Lees
I was at the cake party too im sorry
I made my friend puke on you from a bit too much Bacardi
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I’m Cakes biggest fan
I even shut down my full tilt account, that place is a scam
I got a closet full of cake shirts, zip ups and leather bags
I even got the cake boxers huggin the nuts between my legs
(Speaking of nuts, id love to flop it somepoint soon)
But anyway hit me back, just a chat, hope you didn’t miss this
This is Thesickness

****ing card dead and wondering why
I Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t see this **** at all
And even if I didn’t it would still be great
'Til cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Dear Lee, you still aint emailed me back I hope you have a chance
I aint mad, I jut think its ****ED UP I keep runnin this bad
If you didn’t want to talk to me at the cake party
you didn’t have to but you could of given Chase a hug dude
That’s my biggest donator man, and he says he runs so cold
We waited while you hit on that girl
For like 4 minutes but you just said, “Yo”
That’s pretty ****ty man- you nearly made him suicidal
He says he runs worse then me, he needs you more than I do
It aint that bad though, He just wants to go robusto
Remember when we met at Hard Rock- I thought you were gonna busto
That guy showing you 5 high-bluffing the great Lee how lame
See I get tilted just the same
When some clown calls my 5bet shove with queens
I mean **** he’s way behind my range
I can relate to guys hassling you all day long
So when cake freezes everyday, I drink till the pain is gone
I mean dude only had 2 outs the alcohol helps when im this stressed
I even got a cake patch and your name tattooed across my chest
Sometimes I even play gold chip tourneys but Lee
200 2 of spades, you’ve got to be ****ing kidding me
See you could fix all this just get the sports bettors back in it
That way to win I wont have to be Jotun and play 24/7
But see he cant min 6bet like I do, no one does
He don’t know what its like to not get 10k in rakeback every month
You have to email me man, I’ll be the biggest lagtard cake will ever lose
Sincerely yours, Thesickness – P.S.
66% rakeback would be cool

****ing card dead and wondering why
I Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t see this **** at all
And even if I didn’t it would still be great
'Til cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Dear Mister-Im-Too-Good-To-Blog-Or-Email-My-Fans
This’ll be the last hand you ever rake from my ass
Downswonging for 6 months- I don’t deserve it?
I know cake support got my last two emails
Mark responded that everything was perfect
So this was my last session my bankroll I cleared it
Im at my comp now, playing 90vpip
Hey Lee, just drink a fifth of vodka dare me to cold 4bet deuce five?
You know that song from the radio, “I win with the ace high?”
About the guy who could never fold the river?
Oh you didn’t? well I just tried bluffing him anyway and he just snapped me
That’s kinda how this is, you could of rescued me from downswongin
Now it’s too late- Ive got 1000 playchips left im lousy
And ill I wanted was a heater or someone not to call
I hope you know the cake poker boxers will never touch my balls
I loved you Cake, you coulda sponsored me, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope UIGEA shuts you down and you whine about it
And when you whine I hope you send emails and no one responds to it
I hope you get****ing one outered and backdoored by the biggest donkey
See Lee,(get off the computer!!!) Shut up bitch! Im trying to float!
Hey Lee that’s my girl screamin through her throat
She just saw my balance see I don’t have money like you
And now my playchip balance is ****ing close to zero woopty doo
Well gotta go, I emptied my account out,
Oh ****, I forgot rakeback in on Wednesday no doubt…

****ing card dead and wondering why
I Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t see this **** at all
And even if I didn’t it would still be great
'Til cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Dear Thesickness, I meant to email you back ive just been weary
You said you are starting a band, sorry they wont be as good as me clearly
And look, im really flattered you would call your band that
And heres a picture of me fishing for Chase
I glued it on a Cake poker hat
Im sorry I didn’t talk to you at the party, don’t throw a hissy
I only ignored you cause I was trying to lay game on that little missy
But whats this **** you said about grinding gold card tournies dude
Those things are rigged dog how busto is you?
You got tilt issues Sickness I think you need to buy my book
Jerry yang read it once and that was all it took
And whats this **** about 66% rakeback
You know we run rake races right? I think you just slack
I think you just need to play more and grind it all back
If you just read my book, your aces will never be cracked
It would suck to go broke
and have to work a 9-5.
If you just played tighter, Im glad you think that im the man
But honestly your post flop must be ridiculously terribad
I just don’t want you to do anything crazy Sick
I read in BBV this one story that made me feel like a dick
Some dude was drunk and ran his account down to zero
And his girlfriend saw him call with 9 high, and now hes a rakeback hero
And on his blog they found a post but they didn’t say who it was to
Come to think about it, his name was…it was you
Damn

Didn't wanna mess with it too much, just changed a couple lines and edited the chorus... See if you like it..

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09-02-2009 , 03:57 PM

#32

JayA

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,750

Man. That **** was robusto golden. A+++++ will read again over and over.

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09-02-2009 , 04:02 PM

#33

vanwilder10

veteran

Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,016

josh i think we should film this next time im in vegas

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09-02-2009 , 04:22 PM

#34

Skwisgar

grinder

Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 529

This is pretty genius imo

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09-02-2009 , 04:49 PM

#35

J0hny

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 6,476

Anyone actually read all this text?

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09-02-2009 , 05:01 PM

#36

Just_dance

old hand

Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,208

me

A+

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09-02-2009 , 05:39 PM

#37

jMoNToYa

adept

Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,091

haha really well done!

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09-02-2009 , 05:58 PM

#38

max_em87

grinder

Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 592

wow i actually read all that, and i actually did lol pretty hard a few times

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09-02-2009 , 06:08 PM

#39

subandi

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 6,836

very nice

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09-02-2009 , 06:57 PM

#40

Percy101

grinder

Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 635

awesome

Quote

09-02-2009 , 07:06 PM

#41

Lee Jones

Semi-retired poker guy

Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 2,105

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Sickness

To the tune of Eminem's Stan:

I ****ing card dead and im wondering why I…
Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t be able to see this **** at all
Even if I didn’t it would be great
Until cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Wow. Really, wow. That not only took a ton of work, but was incredibly creative.

I'm not really sure how (or if) I should interpret the lyrics, but for sheer creativity and style, A+ work sir.

Best regards,
Lee Jones

Cake Poker Cardroom Manager

P.S. NFW on the 66% rakeback

Quote

09-02-2009 , 07:41 PM

#42

Astyanax

veteran

Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 2,877

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItsRainingMen

no, great work, so much effort must've gone into that.

Quote

09-02-2009 , 07:45 PM

#43

skiier04

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 5,351

poty

Quote

09-02-2009 , 07:52 PM

#44

Reefypoopoo

banned

Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 8,626

Plz to be recording this and putting it out like drybes' rub it on my titties song

Quote

09-02-2009 , 07:57 PM

#45

BoWChiKaBoWo

old hand

Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1,510

I'm just gonna wait until DRybes makes it an epic song and not bother with that wall of text

Quote

09-02-2009 , 07:57 PM

#46

Mackenzieee

veteran

Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 2,317

sum 1 PM Drybes ASAP!

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09-02-2009 , 08:13 PM

#47

Reefypoopoo

banned

Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 8,626

no u

Quote

09-02-2009 , 08:16 PM

#48

ItsRainingMen

master of your domain

Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 21,755

Quote:

Originally Posted by Astyanax

no, great work, so much effort must've gone into that.

probably

it was a very long post that i didn't bother to read. as the first post in the thread i had a duty to warn people for better or worse how the OP was

i guessed it was awful

i was wrong

my apologies