To the tune of Eminem's Stan:


I ****ing card dead and im wondering why I…
Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t be able to see this **** at all
Even if I didn’t it would be great
Until cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Dear Lee, I wrote you but im still not ballin
I left my email, Cake name, hell even my stars name at the bottom
I even left a message on your Cake blog back in autumn, you must not a got-em,
There probably was a glitch at Cake HQ or something
Sometimes I forget to check your twitter before I jot them
But anyways; **** it what’s been up? Man how’s your band been?
Im a musical artist too, have all the people dancing
And if I start a band, guess what I’ma call it?
I’ma name it the Lee Lees
I was at the cake party too im sorry
I made my friend puke on you from a bit too much Bacardi
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I’m Cakes biggest fan
I even shut down my full tilt account, that place is a scam
I got a closet full of cake shirts, zip ups and leather bags
I even got the cake boxers huggin the nuts between my legs
(Speaking of nuts, id love to flop it somepoint soon)
But anyway hit me back, just a chat, hope you didn’t miss this
This is Thesickness

I ****ing card dead and im wondering why I…
Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t be able to see this **** at all
Even if I didn’t it would be great
Until cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Dear Lee, you still aint emailed me back I hope you have a chance
I aint mad, I jut think its ****ED UP I keep runnin this bad
If you didn’t want to talk to me at the cake party
you didn’t have to but you could of given Chase a hug dude
That’s my biggest donator man, and he says he runs so cold
We waited while you hit on that girl
For like 4 minutes but you just said, “Yo”
That’s pretty ****ty man- you nearly made him suicidal
He says he runs worse then me, he needs you more than I do
It aint that bad though, He just wants to go robusto
Remember when we met at Hard Rock- I thought you were gonna busto
That guy showing you 5 high-bluffing the great Lee how lame
See I get tilted just the same
When some clown calls my 5bet shove with queens
I mean **** he’s way behind my range
I can relate to guys hassling you all day long
So when cake freezes everyday, I drink till the pain is gone
I mean dude only had 2 outs the alcohol helps when im stressed
I even got a cake patch and your name tattooed across my chest
Sometimes I even play gold chip tourneys but Lee
200 2 of spades, you’ve got to be ****ing kidding me
See you could fix all this just get the sports bettors back in it
That way to win I wont have to be Jotun and play 24/7
But see he cant min 6bet like I do, no one does
He don’t know what its like to not get 10k in rakeback every month
You have to email me man, I’ll be the biggest lagtard cake will ever lose
Sincerely yours, Thesickness – P.S.
66% rakeback would be cool

I ****ing card dead and im wondering why I…
Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t be able to see this **** at all
Even if I didn’t it would be great
Until cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Dear Mister-Im-Too-Good-To-Blog-Or-Email-My-Fans
This’ll be the last hand you ever rake from my ass
Downswonging for 6 months- I don’t deserve it?
I know cake support got my last two emails
Mark responded that everything was perfect
So this was my last session my bankroll I cleared it
Im at my comp now, playing 90vpip
Hey Lee, just drink a fifth of vodka dare me to cold 4bet deuce five?
You know that song from the radio, “I win with the ace high?”
About the guy who could never fold the river?
Oh you didn’t? well I just tried bluffing him anyway and then he called me
That’s kinda how this is, you could of rescued me from downswongin
Now it’s too late- Ive got 1000 playchips left im lousy
And ill I wanted was a heater or someone not to call
I hope you know the cake poker boxers are no longer hugging my balls
I loved you Cake, you coulda sponsored me, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope UIGEA shuts you down and you whine about it
And when you whine I hope you send emails and no one responds to it
I hope you get****ing one outered and backdoored by the biggest donkey
See Lee, Shut up bitch! Im trying to float!
Hey Lee that’s my girl screamin through her throat
She just saw my balance see I don’t have money like you
And now my playchip balance is ****ing close to zero woopty doo
Well gotta go, I emptied my account out,
Oh ****, I forgot rakeback in on Wednesday no doubt…


I ****ing card dead and im wondering why I…
Logged on today at all
Want to break my desktop window
So I won’t be able to see this **** at all
Even if I didn’t it would be great
Until cake found a way to crash and fall
Pot committed, but I cant click call…
I ****ing cant hit call!!!!

Dear Thesickness, I meant to email you back ive just been weary
You said you are starting a band, sorry they wont be as good as me clearly
And look, im really flattered you would call your band that
And heres a picture of me fishing for Chase
I glued it on a Cake poker hat
Im sorry I didn’t talk to you at the party, don’t throw a hissy
I only ignored you cause I was trying to lay game on that little missy
But whats this **** you said about grinding gold card tournies dude
Those things are rigged dog how busto is you?
You got tilt issues Sickness I think you need to buy my book
Jerry yang read it once and that was all it took
And whats this **** about 66% rakeback
Do you not realize we run rake races, I think you just slack
I think you just need to play more and grind it all back
I hope you read my book so you won’t be busto all the time
It would suck to go broke
and have to work a 9-5.
If you just played tighter, Im glad you think that im the man
But honestly your post flop must be ridiculously terribad
I just don’t want you to do anything crazy Sick
I read in BBV this one story that made me feel like a dick
Some dude was drunk and ran his account down to zero
And his girlfriend saw him call with 9 high, and now hes a rakeback hero
And on his blog they found a post but they didn’t say who it was to
Come to think about it, his name was…it was you
Damn

F

tl, dr

made me laugh

good work op

TheSickness returns!

for those of you who do not know the song


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q14r07H7Saw

This.

Although a few lines need to be fixed.

Wow op a lot of effort wp

And fwiw im banned from cake for a complete bs trivial reason, i pm'ed Lee Jones and he said he would look in2 it, a month later i pm him again, he says he doesnt remember the pm can i describe the problem again, so i did and he stil hasnt responded

you are pathetic this is awesome

TheSickness at his best imo, cant wait to see lee jones' reply

Haha so good

So I find that having the song going in the backround as you read it increases the effect, however I agree that some parts dont flow with the song as well as they could but I felt a responsibility to cake regs both past present and future to include some inside jokes. The idea came to me when I woke up today and like most great songwriters I simply had to get it out, took an hour to write. And of course I <3 Lee and as a musician I hope he can at least appreciate my artistic vision.

Smashed it dude, wp.

A+

Is that leatherass?

Hahahaha

Perfect.

P.S.
66% rakeback would be cool

awsum!

ah so epic

HAHAHA, A+ OP.....excellent job.

OMFG, this was A+++++++

You have to know the instrumental w/ Dido on Stan and also be familiar with Cake poker to truly appreciate this. WOW, the lyrics to this are great, needs to be recorded over a track and video made to be true classic.

+1

A+ for sure. And sickness was almost shot so that makes him an official rapper.

haha awesome!

A+ fo sho