"It's not that you were 'wrong' for the part, they were just 'more right' for it."

Over the last 8 years I've seen much of the good and bad of Hollywood and L.A. It's time to turn the camera (so to speak) around on myself and do an AMA. There have been plenty of brags, beats and at times wild variance.

Have you ever wondered what it was like to live at Hollywood & Highland in a penthouse apartment next door to a porn star? Ever wondered what it was like to win your way into a job on the Jimmy Kimmel Show? How about what it's like to walk your dog past fresh-ish blood on the sidewalk from an obvious stab wound? How about what it's like to sit hang out in Richard Pryor's personal dressing room and **** in his formerly private toilet?

I've written and sold screenplays, performed stand up at world famous clubs, created a cable tv pilot and co-produced another. I've played poker with celebs and athletes and attended parties in mansions and exclusive LA clubs

Oh wtf I'll stop rambling on that's some decent background to help spark questions people may have. Ask away!

Is everyone in Hollywood on drugs?

Entertainment industry has always fascinated me...

Most famous person you've met?

Most famous person you've had a decent conversation with (5 mins)?

I see you say that you were involved with a TV pilot. I assume by that it wasn't picked up. What emotions do you go through while you wait to know if it is going to be picked up or not. How long do you have to wait?

On the screenwriting: did you take any courses or read McKee's book or any others? How much attention do you pay to structure?

How was it to live at Hollywood & Highland in a penthouse apartment next door to a porn star?

Is there any available footage of you appearing sleeveless so we can see the suction cups on your tentacles? Not asking for fapping purposes of course, just curious.

There are a surprising number of 100% clean and sober people. However, I would say there are a surprising number of people who are on the clock completely loaded/high/drunk etc. It's incredible how often I'll come across someone at their job who is obvious to me to be pretty high on whatever their drug of choice is or are not even shy about it if the boss isn't around.

I never read McKee's book. I have a few that I was required to buy for a writing class I took, "Save the Cat" by Blake Synder is one that comes to mind off the top of the head. None of them were templates, or provided an "ah ha!" moment as far as my writing went. However many of the books provide useful little tips and concepts that are good to have as part of your writing arsenal.

As for structure, there are certainly "plug and play formulas" for lack of a better phrase for many genres. What I mean by this is that there are certain beats and plot points that are touched in most horrors, dramas, action flicks, Rom-Coms, buddy comedies etc. etc.

Hollywood execs/producers love the formulas, they live by them. Because they are tried and true and have produced at the box office in the past. Even very unique and fresh concepts like "Boyhood" still found ways to hit certain beats and points that are tried and true.

In a way it's why we are in the re-boot-lution. Why even bother writing something completely "new" within the same formula when we can just polish up old movies we love and "introduce a new audience to them" which btw is a steaming load of BS to excuse a lack of creativity and risk-taking.

This is not to say I wouldn't gladly be the "writer" for a re-boot because they pay handsomely. First rule of the industry - you always take the check.

And the entertainment industry has always been fascinated by you, Fiddy...

Most famous person I've met, I'll give a list of a few movie stars and you guys can pick who you consider "most famous" but I think it will be one of the last three/four guys/women:
-Jamie Lee Curtis
-Chris Tucker
-David Lee Roth
-Reese Witherspoon
-Don Cheadle
-Traci Ellis Ross
-Harrison Ford
-Diana Ross
-Sugar Ray Leonard
-Kareem Abdul-Jabaar

Those are the most famous or A/B List celebs I think I can think of off the top of my head.

My Kareem conversation was too short so I I'll go with the conversation I had with Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart. It was a fairly pleasant encounter in Brentwood I don't exactly remember the context or really the conversation because it was in 2010 but what I do remember is Calista was trying out Fantasy Football and was trying to text some trash talk to a friend and needed help spelling Roethlisberger.

Of the two pilots the first one was far more painful because I was co-creator and I was a few months from moving to L.A. so I had spent a bunch of time sleeping on my co-creators couch as we worked on the development. We had pitched the show successfully and had a deal and were ready to go to production... then Mark Burnett showed up with a little show called Shark Tank and our exec-producer found that to be a far stronger project to get behind.

We got put on the shelf never to see the light of day. The money made helped facilitate my move to L.A. though.

The 2nd pilot I was a co-producer on it was a sketch show featuring a comedian who had a development deal with MTV/VH1 and we produced the pilot and it was, meh. We found out pretty much right after the execs saw the pilot that they were going to move on without it. It was far less upsetting it was more of just a job I did with the slim hope it turned into something long term. You learn quickly in this town to not get too high on potential or hope and to be ready for the worse case news all the time as far as your career goes.

Sleeveless no but there are at least 3 different women in this city who have taken pictures of my junk so assuming they didn't delete them there are pictures of my balls and cock floating around somewhere.

But I banged all 3 of them including the super hot Brentwood cougar so they can have the pictures.

Surreal because for the first 3/4 of the time I we lived next to each other I was oblivious to her being a porn star. I helped her and her parents move stuff into her place and her parents were over all the time I would help them with groceries or help her take her luggage down to her car. When she had friends over they all dressed like normal hot girls with class although they all did have very nice handbags and jewelry.

So one day I'm coming home and she's leaving and she has a big bag with her so I offer to help her take her bag down and she's like of course. As we wait for the elevator I notice she's dressed really hot... whoa it's like a costume it's so sexy and her nails are done up and I realize her make-up is super on point. So I ask her where she's heading dolled up so much and she's like "Adult Con down at the Convention Center! You should come down and hang with me at my booth!"

And from that day on my favorite porn star would forever be Sunny Lane who I no longer wanted to actually bone because I know where she's been but still enjoy looking up for a nice fap from time to time

What shows/movies have you been apart of that we may have heard of?

Is it all about who you know in Hollywood?

Natamus-
Sounds like you have lived an intriguing, excellent life sir IMO. very well played....A few thoughts/questions...

What was your professional background prior to "the biz"?
Were you inspired by something or have a creative passion?

Recap of the wildest party you've attended? I'm thinking a great Hollywood party with A/B list entertainers and I picture a cocaine buffet ala George Yung in blow, actors picking out which Vicotoria Secret model they're going to **** that night, Ferrari's in the driveway, and well known comedians riffing with a mini crowd around them... and pretentious Kardashian types who roll with entourages.


Tell me you have a Nic Cage story?! ��

A movie called Surf Party aka National Lampoon Presents: Endless Bummer. My first screenplay sale was to National Lampoon shortly before they went under but they still had a couple of projects in production so instead of producing my project I got moved over to story editor for that movie.

I was on Arrested Development season 5 writing staff which would be my only probably reasonable imdb credit other than helping with a couple of episodes of season 1 of the Carmichael Show. I did story editing for various terrabad reality shows on cable that I wouldn't own up to in public.

I also choose not to have an imdb page because imdb won't withhold peoples ages and Hollywood has a big age discrimination problem. I'm part of a smallish group of behind the camera people supporting about 200 actors who are boycotting imdb because of this.

Is it all about who you know in Hollywood... yes and no. Many people make it into the industry at various levels with talent, hard work and great timing (their talent is exposed at the right moment when their talent is desirable), However there is a ton of shameless nepotism that I have no problem with. My pilot that got bumped in favor of Shark Tank was being co-exec produced by the cousin of a friend i grew up with who was VP at ZOO Productions. So I nearly greatly benefited directly from nepotism.

To add to the "Who you know" thought, it is very very important to be likable/charismatic and well liked above being talented. People putting their careers/jobs and budgets behind your talent and the project you are a part of very much WANT to like the people they work with and they are putting it on the line for.

There is simply no match in this town for being likable/well liked among the suits and there is no cure for being unlikable/not well liked by the suits. It's like a skunk stink you cannot get rid of.

First thank you for the kind words. When I've stepped back and looked at my life in perspective I go "oh crap, this has been pretty good/fun and also a hell of a ride already."

One night in 2010 (at first I said 2012 but I remember now it was definitely 2010 I just can't believe it's been 6 years) I killed it doing a set at the Comedy Store on Sunset, just absolutely crushed the Original Room which is the classic room where comics have come from all over the nation to try and make a career for themselves and be "passed" as paid regulars at the club. This wasn't a tryout night for me but it was great nonetheless.

I had the crowd rocking, the comics in the back I looked up to were cheering me on. I saw my peers and friends crowding into the back hallway and box office booth to see my 10 minutes. When I finished I got to bring up Steve Rannazzisi from The League and Punk'd. He loved my set and after he was done and came into the back hallway where I was getting my props and talking to other comics. We get to chatting and Freddy Lockhart and Bobby Lee (MadTV) come over and Bobby touches my junk as he's prone to do to everyone. Everyone is chatting and eventually Bobby invites us to roll with him to a party being thrown by for lingerie models by an actor.

We roll up Laurel Canyon to a house like that looks like a house you would imagine some movie star would own, just gigantic and decadent. As far as I remember (but could be wrong music producer) it was owned by Rick Rubin at the time and he would rent it out to people for months at a time or host bands there that he was working on an album with. At this time it was being rented to... I'm actually blanking on the b-list movie actor but it was an actor who was celebrating the wrap of a movie and he is friends with Bobby so we were his +3.

I have a secret weapon. 2 joints. Those 2 joints are going to be the gateway to some conversation with some celebs outside or the way into some action with one of the girls in one of the many bedrooms in this behemoth of a house.

It's about 1 am and the house is Spanish Tuscan style so we walk up the stairs to the big double wooden doors. Bobby pushes one open without knocking and it's clear from the size of the foyer that knocking would of been futile. The foyer is open to the second level with staircases on either side like out of a movie. At the top on the left a chick is making out with a guy who looks like 2005 Brody Jenner. About three stairs up on the left side Emma ****ing Watson is sitting on the phone. She must of been on her way out because I didn't see her again.

Bobby runs off into the house with Freddy in tow. Steve and I walk through into the first common area where all the furniture has been removed and a DJ is set up in front of the fireplace to the left. To the right is the kitchen blocked off with velvet ropes and dark. There are people dancing in this room, several beautiful women actually dancing just with each other. Upon closer examination the 4 of them seem to be rolling their heads off. Beyond them there were 3 doors that went to 3 different rooms. All 3 of them had floor to ceiling glass walls along the backside so you could see the city from the entire back of the house.

Steve wanders into the room to the left which is blacklit and full of people in white clothing and glowing stuff. I walk through the center door which is a fairly small room with nothing happening but a couple of people hanging out on a couch and there is a door to the back where a bunch of people are out by the pool. Like out of an Entourage episode I see Seth Green and a buddy of his finishing a joint with 4 super hot chicks, all who are taller than Seth and his friend. I roll up with a joint out and ask "Yo Seth, you got a light?" He says yea and of course everyone wants to smoke when I ask

I start noticing I'm getting the "eyes" from an amazing girl named Kelsey. She's 5'8", long dark hair, piercing green eyes and she's from London and her accent is amazingly sexy. Her tits sat on her chest like perfect soft melons and her smile was infectious. (EDIT: they were big "cone" shaped joints that take 7-10 minutes to get through about 1.5 grams of ganja in each) After my joint ends I thank everyone for their company and excuse myself from the group to go check out the view. I take a minute looking out and then turn to head inside and when I turn around there is Kelsey standing behind me.

"Where are you off to, Nate?" She asked with a smile. "Depends, where are you going?" I counter. "I'm heading upstairs to listen to some music, would you like to join me?" She asked. "I have another joint."

She takes me by the hand and we walk inside. She takes me back into the main room and then into the room on the right. From there we go through a door and are in the kitchen. She takes me up the back stairway and we go into one of the bedrooms. We lock the door, open the window and light up the joint. We sit on the bed and after about 3 minutes the joint is out and we are making out. (EDIT: Then we talked for a while then we finished the joint, then we made up again, then...) A little while later I can't believe I'm banging this 10 out of 10 model/actress in a Laurel Canyon mansion at a party I wasn't invited to. The fact I was raw dogging her doggy style was farthest from my mind from being an issue.

The room had a bathroom so we stayed locked in there all night and banged a couple more times. In the morning she offered me a ride home and we hopped into her (rented) Mercedes CLA convertible and we got some breakfast and she dropped me off. I had a great time, an unforgettable time, I wanted to see her again, like that night. I asked "Can I call you soon and see you again?" "I'm sorry love, that's not going to be possible for us." I'm a little hurt, "why not?"

"Because I'm married, love and I'm flying back home to London in a few days after my job is done here. But I'll never forget the time we had, love. I'll never, ever forget last night." She kissed me long before I jumped out of the car and she drove off.

I never saw Kelsey again.

Wow epic story! I don't really have any specific questions. I just want to read more of your crazy stories!

There were probably some people doing blow in another bedroom upstairs but it wasn't all out in the open buffet style lol.

I don't have any Nic Cage stories Trust me I'm as disappointed as anyone at this fact.

Also obviously Kelsey is a fake name so no worries trying to look her up. Also it's not Cheryl Cole

Colin, I'm pretty awake at the moment so I think I have one more story in me tonight I can turn out for fun.

"I'll tell you what we're going to do, I'm taking that F***ing Gnome!"

I have several lesbian friends who are in various jobs in the industry and one night also in 2010 I went out with a couple of them to a club in Beverly Hills. It was actually a straight club just on the outskirts of the gay club-row on Santa Monica Blvd. My friend is friends with the bouncer and we skip the line and get in no problem. While there I run into a friend/co-worker of mine, Benny. Benny grew up in L.A. but his father is a prince of a community in Nigeria and he is cousins with Omarion (if anyone remembers him.) Benny ask me if I want to meet Omarion and some girls they are with and I'm like for sure. We get over to their table and Omarion is cool as ****, we are ordering shots and mixed drinks and the girls are getting drunk and we are all getting faded and having a good time.

I go dance with one of the girls for a while and we come back to the table and go back to talking with the group. I start to feel Omarion looking at me, like kind of giving me the evil eye. However, when I look over he smiles and ask me if I want to go outside for a smoke. I tell him I don't smoke cigs but I got a light if he needs one and it was hot in there anyway and I was dancing so I want some fresh air and will keep him company.

We step out onto the back patio and Omarion lights up and I'm chilling and then he steps close to me and his voice gets low "Yo *****, you were dancing with my girl..."

"I was! She didn't say anything... yo ***** you didn't say anything! I asked her to dance right in front of you." I reply. "That was a test for her and she failed, she's acting like a hoe."

"Dude, are you sure you aren't just saying she's your girl because you want to **** her later tonight? If you wanna just **** you can have her, I'm cool..."

"Hey I don't need you giving me my own girl, *****!" He's getting upset obviously. "Look, O. I'm really sorry I didn't mean any disrespect."

"Take a walk with me..."

He doesn't wait for me to agree he just walks out of the back gate and down Robertson blvd. into the neighborhood. "Come on!" He shouts without looking back. I don't know what to do so I follow him, jogging quickly to catch up. As we walk he rants about this and that and I can tell he's gone from drunken-rage towards me to drunken-bro-comradeship. Whatever test she failed I guess I passed. We walk for what seems like well over a mile before he starts to tire out and stops on the sidewalk.

"Now what O?" I ask "Now what? What the **** do you mean, now what? Now we are going to do some ****, show you I ain't just some pop-band *****, that I'm from these L.A. streets, man." "I know you are." "But everyone thinks I'm just some dancing fool. Yo I'll tell you what..." Omarion starts looking around and points across the street to a set of Gnomes on a front lawn.

"I'll tell you what we are going to do, I'm going to take that f***ing Gnome!"

Omarion walks across the street and as he walks on the lawn motion sensor lights come on which scared the living **** out of him. He bolts back up the street the way we came about 7-8 houses before he runs back across to my side of the street. I walk back up there where he is catching his breath. By the time I get there he has spotted a bronze lion in another yard. "Yo, we are taking that lion, it's majestic as ****! Look at that ****ing thing man! Help me pick that **** up we'll carry it back to the club and I'll have my driver load it into the Escalade."

The thing was well over 300 pounds. It was a 1/3 scale bronze lion after all! "**** this ****! I'm calling my driver he's big as **** and he can help us load it into the truck from here." He calls his driver who drives down the street in what seemed like 2 minutes or less. He parks a house down and pops the back hatch and hustles over. He examines the situation "come on guys, get in the truck quickly we gotta get out of here" he announces quietly and we bolt for the truck, he hops in an we take off back to the club.

"What's up? What did you see?" O ask "I saw that the Lion was bolted to the pathway and if 3 brothers get caught in a yard in Beverly Hills at night we are all going to jail"

Lol, enjoying the stories, but can they be believed coming from a screenwriter!?

Ah, so you're saying their good

I can see why Omarion may have lost some of his original fan base

.

But now when you used "their" instead of "they're" I must question whether you're even a screenwriter!

In your experience, is it true that people from Hollywood have the brains?

Crap, he's onto me - cheese it!

Who is the most important part of getting a TV Show/movie off the ground? Good script? Good idea? Having a big/bigger name actor interested? etc

You mentioned before about you working on some reality stuff. How much is it scripted vs real stuff?

You seem to have been in and out of work in LA. Have you had to do some fill in **** work (like bar tending / working at 7/11 etc), just to get by, or is the pay so good it's pretty standard in LA to work for 6 months and then do nothing for 3 months waiting for the next job to come along?

Who in LA is an *******? I know the list is long, but just judging from your interactions.