your going to kill him now tho arent you?

Thanks OP and everyone else, thread made my day.

Other than writing your book (reserve one for me) what else are you up to these days Josh?

pretty cool story what line of work are you in now?

well
I have some videos on youtube on how to deal with anxiety and panic,...I havent had a panic attack in 5 years due to working hard through nutrition, supplementation and self cognitive work. I also volunteer dog walk at the SPCA and work with a couple people with anxiety/panic disorders to help them. I dont use benzos (xanax, ativan) and never will so mental health here actually had me speak to people on how I cope/overcame my panic/anxiety.

Im playing a little online poker,..not much,...and obviously working on the book. I am not allowed by the justice system and government to seek employment because of my long history of violence in the workplace. Therefore they have me on a disability allowance which covers everything in my life.

Im pretty chill (for me) these days and work hard at being better and take lots of precautions to avoid trigger areas

Yeah, I stopped clomid after about a month. It was ****in with me mentally and physically. I was getting really bad mood swings. Id be pissed off for no reason and like a minute later i wanted to cry. Really ****in weird. Plus after like a week of taking it I started getting really bad nipple sensitivity. I started taking it on cycle for that reason because I read it was supposed to suppress that, but it only made it worse. I started novadex not long after and stuck with that as my PCT from then on. I haven't powerlifted in like 6 years though.

ya Nolvadex way better
what kind of lifts you get?

I had 415 bench
605 squat
615 deadlift

but I was 260 or so,..so my power-weight ratio wasnt so good

Unfortunately I couldn't get to where I wanted to be because I'm in the Marines. Im 6 foot and weighed about 240. Not bad really, but I couldn't run for **** (you're worthless if you can't run long distance in the Marine Corps). So I had to balance my running with lifting. Because of that, I only got to 365 on bench and 505 for squat and deadlift.

ya I couldnt run a foot--I couldnt go up a flight of stairs without needing a break. Your lifts are huge if you had a balance with cardio. Good job man

+1^^^^^^ one of the the best threads that i've ever laid eyes on here

I'm from the UK and I'm still scared to talk sheit to OP.

Cool thread.

thanks. Yeah, the maximum allowable weight for my height is 202. So i was just a tad over. Lol. Luckily i was like 14% bodyfat, so i was waivered for that. But what ****ed me was my physical fitness test. I did the maximum pullups and crunches i needed to do, but the 3 mile run nearly put me in the hospital. I got to the halfway point and couldn't make it back because my lower back was so tight. So that's when i realized i had to stop the heavy lifting.

I'll be honest though.... Nobody wanted to **** with a 240lb Marine, and it felt awesome. My nickname was Terry Tate.... Lol **Sigh** Those were the days.....

'Roid Rage ******

It's getting longer and longer with each passing post.Please inform me which number i am on the kill-list?

You have contributed magnificently in your time here on planet Earth. Well done you.

I mean, with each post you make, we find out yet more about your stand-out winning personality. I particularly enjoyed the parts about woman-beating and fantasising about setting people on fire. I also love the intelligent justification... "That's my thought process".

Reverse labotomy for RageTard please.

[Oh, and by the way, you're clearly a closet gay. With a pencil-thin 2-incher (it's the compensating extreme body building that gives this away).i think we all see where the anger stems from.)

Threads like this are soooo rare nowadays on BBV.
Keep posting please

lolol
some posts make me angry, some posts make me laugh and make my day better cause they are funny
this is one that gives me some laughter and makes my day a little better.
Thanks man for bringing some humor into my day

LOL

You remind of a guy who sat next to me in a live game with cuts on his face, swallows tattooed on the backs of his hands and blood on his knuckles. I accidentally won a pot off him, he smiled at me and walked out. He came back about 30 mins laters with more money and fresh bruises and promptly lost all of that as well. No-one left that f***ing game till daylight.

Ex-wife and ex-girlfriend please resume cat fight!
OP,
Care to share your near death experiences?

See I get that you've been through a lot of things in life and you have mental issues and whatnot, but do you realize that this isn't the optimal way to deal with things? Or does that just not click with you? I mean at some point it has to stop being about the voice(s) in your head and come down to self control. Im not crazy so I don't see things like you see things, but I just don't get how you can't stop yourself from doing **** like this, especially after you've been arrested for it so many times.

Do you feel that in the past you have perhaps used your mental illness as an excuse for your apparent utter lack of basic human self control?

you realize I have been telling people on here my thought processes not my actions

I havent been in trouble with the law in 7 years
obviously I have self control now

I know, I was talking more about the past where apparently you would act on something like that if you could. How much do you attribute it to mental illness and how much do you attribute it to just not wanting to control yourself? I mean there are millions of people who are bi-polar or whatever who are able to not act on violent impulses they may have.

oh I see
I would say 50/50. A lot of my violence was due to low self esteem. I was of the mindset that I was a pussy if I walked away. I would have rather taken a beating or go to jail for delivering a beating than walk away. There are also times when I just flat out wanted to destroy someone, full well knowing what I was doing. Hmmm maybe more like 70/30 I think now looking back,..with 70 being not wanting to control myself. I also had a weird thing about getting hit, I liked the feeling of getting hit in the face, I seriously cannot explain that at all but it used to make me laugh a bit at the feeling it created. Zero idea why

o
m
g

whats your name on stars im sending u 5 dollars