I sharted while reading this post

Excellent post for the top of a page

I admire it too.
Made myself giggle again

Gave ya a little giggly

You should hire someone to play a violin for you while you are taking these intense bursts out of your buy in. Ergo less money to play with, ergo less beats, vis a vis poker.

I have successfully avoided intense burst of sharts especially when I'm sitting down.

INTENSE SHARTS ITT

I got deuces!

Sheep also giggled at the latest poasts ITT.

So I drop in for another session, what the hey. The bad beat has been hit and cancelled, so they were doing a rundown on it. Dealer is the one who dealt my Jack-high straight flush losing hand, so he brings it up. As he does, he deals board of 7-9-10-J-A, all spades, and the 9 seat has the jack-high straight flush, goes on the board and ultimately wins it. So for the fourth time -- all four times my jack-high straight flush beat was raised -- the dealer dealt a jack-high straight flush on the board. Maybe that's not strange, maybe it is.

So, hours waiting for Omaha seat, nothing doing at hold'em table. Hours of nothing, last two deals before I'm quitting are Q-Q and A-K of clubs. No good.

Walking out. They call me for Omaha. Maybe they are afraid to let me leave. LOL. F it, I take it. It comes my way a little. Win 868 overall. Sadaharu Oh. There's a stat for most everything.

Often times I will shart immediately after consuming a hundred or so deciliters of coffee.

Intense bursts of sharts as soon as you consume a ten or so liters of coffee. Why?

Intense bursts of sharts right after consuming bukoo quantities of sugar alcohol, be forewarned, so-called sugar substitute is an actual laxative

I wanted to finish writing an email before taking a huge dump today.
Must I say, it was not pleasant and not looking to repeat that adventure in foreseeable future.
Photo finish is the term I like to use.
0.2 seconds later and it would be a **** of a situation.

PHOTO FINNISH FART-TURDS

Finnish fart-turds are surprisingly similar to Swedish fart-turds, but they're not as sweet and sugary as their western neighbor's counterparts.


There is a surprising amount of variation in Baltic fart-turds, and it may surprise an amateur fart-turd afficionado, how much difference there is in a Latvian fart-turd and a Polish fart-turd, for example. You could call it intense bursts of distinct tastes as soon as you sit down to a Baltic fart-turd smörgåsbordet, as the locals do.

Definitely in the top 3 posts this thread has to offer.

Thank you. It might also be my favorite thing I've ever written.

Intense bursts of beats at the end of the damn game, and then even afterwards.

No wonder I’m a little paranoid about last hands of a session lately. Joint was closing. Heads up battle, PLO. This is the second “one more hand.” I flop top set and a straight draw, turn the nut flush draw. Guy isn’t going away. Board on turn A-K-7-10, two diamonds. I’m Ad-Ah-Jd-10s. Last hand scenario/situation/mentality. River comes a jack off-suit, worst card possible and dude shoves. Dude had shown me 3 cards earlier and got me to call with a loser, never happened to me before. It worked because I thought I was way stronger than he thought I was. Anyway, can’t call the last hand on river, pretty sure I had 37 wins and he had 3. River is the off-suit J, so I have the ridiculous top set and 3 pair with 4 parts to a straight on the board. I”m reduced to folding with that hand heads up. Jeez.

Go to Walmart. Nobody in the store except me and young dame with 700 things overflowing out of a cart. All the self-pay aisles closed. One checkout lane open. Soon as i saw that cart I knew she would beat me to the checkout by about 5 seconds.

Good read. She beat me to the checkout by five seconds, didn’t offer to let me play thru with my little hand basket. She has stamps for $192, but the price is over a little so has to go thru items kicking some out. Then she is buying remainders with cash but didn’t have enough and started kicking things out there too. I took it well. I wish in retrospect I had offered to buy the extras for her. Total respect, not showy. Lots of people aren’t good at making money but they are still to be respected. This society puts way too much emphasis on finances. I had a chance to help but didn’t think of it. We should all keep our eyes open for such chances. Not the bogus paying for somebody’s shyt and McDonalds and then somebody making an internet meme about it, but actually helping someone’s life.

But it was that last hand and then the read of the situation in the grocery. Seems kind of voodooish. You know what I mean? Thanks for reading, most especially Mike/Chuck and AlwaysFolding (if they aren’t the same person … such an amazing duo hard to believe they aren't ).

Or NOT helping anyone at all and still posting about it online. That’s next level.

I wish this thread wasn't a thing but all we can do is make fun of it.

Is this reasonable?

Dropped in to play a little tonight. A couple hours of card death at 1-2, the usual, waiting for seat. As always since I entered this weird ultra dead zone, the seat right next to me was unconscious and every hand matches the flop or has a big pair. I say to him, “You do know you can miss those hands 5000 times in a row, right?” He laughs. I move to 2-5, don’t like it, move to another 2-5. First hand … I look at the first card … ace. Look at the second card ... ace. Hmm. There’s a 10 straddle on and I limp. All limp. Shyt. Flop comes 7-8-9, all diamonds, not my suit. Check around. Turn pairs the 9. Somebody bets, somebody calls, I throw it in the muck. Wrong to limp maybe, but this is the right decision. They’ve got it crushed.

30 minutes or so later, I pick up the 9-J of diamonds. 4 to the flop for 15. Flop comes 7c-8d-10d. Well, that’s not bad. Nut straight, open end straight flush. UTG bets 25. In between calls. I consider a small raise but smooth it. I whisper but audibly to those around me, “It’s coming a 10, it’s coming a 10, it’s coming a 10” … you know, heavily under the influence of this 40 month, 300 session streak where the worst possible card comes immediately over and over and over and over … like it’s stuck in some kind of metaphysical re-run. My neighbors are eyeballing me. What’s wrong with this new guy?

She turns the 10 off. I feel exonerated of all suspicions that I’m nuts. UTG bets 75, fold between, I shove. Instacall. I’m up against A-10. He had 2% on this flop of mine, up to 20% with the perfect catch on turn. I’ve lived here for 40 months, the perfect perfect card trick. The river pairs the 7, two pairing the board on my fine straight. But a funny thing happened that has been happening for two months … it was the 7d and I made a jack-high straight flush for the 5th time, 4 of them diamonds.

I think back to my jack-high straight flush that got beat, the jack-high straight flush that beat my quad nines, the fact that it keeps coming up. This hand. Even the first hand I sat at the table, the aces, a jack-high straight flush in diamonds possible nuts flopped.

So anyway, I’m on the board with this most recent jack-high for a nickel high hand. With seconds to go I hear, “High hand” a couple tables down. I walk down, it’s quad 8s on the next half hour. Mine is good. The jack high straight flush that has been punishing and torturing my soul is still at work … this time it gave me a crumb. Thank you.

Someone lock this up and throw away the key

This thread is an emotional roller coaster. A roller coaster is like a roller blade, but more like a coaster than a blade.
You can hurt yourself and other people with a coaster or a blade, and that's hardcore!