as soon as op sits down at the table.....

In the jungle

Welcome to the jungle

Thank you for making us feel welcome in the jungle AF!

You're welcome! To the Jungle!

Worst thread of all time ainec.

It'll bring you to your

SHANANANANANANANKNEEES KNEEES

I’m reporting on it for posterity. It continues to be historic/astronomic (sic). Right out of the gate tonight I flop quad nines in PLO (7d-9c-9d flop). I did not believe this hand was going to win. Checked around twice, of course I’m trying to let someone fill up. River 10d. Player bets out 100. He almost surely has tens full or the straight flush. I almost have to raise it. If I just call and I’m good it’s ridiculous. It is the straight flush. Floor is called over to make sure Omaha jackpot has not been reduced incrementally from the normal quad 10s. Nope. Just another savage flippin freak beat. This is my fourth near brush with a bad beat jackpot in one month.

I leave the table gonna take a break from it in a hold’em game. I have 8-8, raise, one caller. Flop 8-9-K. 10-Q calls me down, catches jack on river. I can only take so much of the boring hold’em. Back to the PLO.

Flop nut full on Q-Q-7 flop. My opponent has 6 outs. I have 38. He wins.

I Miss approximately 25 flush draws in a row, showing them continually in shorthanded game to guy next to me who also saw quad nines beat at other table. Shorthanded for hours, tons of hands per hour. Maybe 30 or 40 flush draws, three times I had both flush draws on turn. Nada. Meanwhile they catch flushes every time they draw at it. Zero percent on sets for first 12 hours after the quads beat.

Coup de gras? The nines again. I have A-9-9-10ds. Flop is K-9-3, two clubs, I have no clubs. Check to me, I bet pot 140 … two calls. Since the turn has to be a club, apparently, I start thinking about the 3c. It indeed comes 3c. Check to me. I bet 420. Dude check-raises me to 1100 something, all-in. Other dude cold calls it. Amazing. I just put it in, my last 500-some. Board is Kc-9c-3h-3c.

With this betting pattern, my hand isn’t really supposed to be good, of course. As it turn outs it is good. Dude who check-raised me has misread the board (this is like 8 or 9 AM, played all night). He didn’t see the 3c pair the board, thought he had the nuts with the flush. He has 2 outs with his aces. Other dude who called the errant check-raise cold has K-3 full. So he has 3 outs. (Be careful.)

What is the river? Amazing game.

OP is either:

[ ] The most coolered player in the history of poker
[X] Making **** up

YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?!

YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE, BABY

YOU'RE GONNA DYYYYIiiiIAaAeeeEEEEeeee

Thank you, thank you, thank you .... an accurate statement but with x in the wrong spot. Why would I make it up? I've been playing decades and never seen one-tenth of this. All the hands are verified and witnessed. I played 30+ years without making crap up about horrendous beats.

But I'm telling you, telling you, telling you (not to sound arrogant just for effect), that it is in the nature of reality what is happening. In a sense I asked for it and needed it ... and it came. It came from Jung's teleological universe. Shhhh now ... a secret ... I studied it in over one million pages and it came alive in the deck. Truer words have not been spoken.

HAHA YOU'VE ALL BEEN PUNKED

FELLAGAGA IS MY ACCOUNT AND I'VE BEEN PLAYING YOU LIKE A FIDDLE

HUE
HUEUHEU
HHEUHUAHAHA

Hard to get punked when no one read more then the first sentence.

What a revelation this is, AlwaysFolding is actually Tarzan?

I am Axl Rose.

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

WE'VE GOT PUNS AND GAMES

WE GOT NOTHING THAT YOU WANT HONEY GAGA IS SUCH A LAME

Thank you for making me feel welcome again, dear AxlwaysFolding Rose!

This is a message that Mr. Folding will prolly approve. Why don't you come and visit our LC/NC thread once, Mr. Riitaoja? If your body is ready, that is.

Thank you Mr. Sheep, I will observe my body's readiness and research my possible options based on that.

I approve of this message, I wonder if Mr. Sheep knew this in advance!
Mr. Sheep knew this before I knew this!
Ready your body, we await your presence.

Uncle (almost)

Another session in the books, perhaps my penultimate one. First hand in hold’em waiting for omaha seat I have 7-7, flop 7-6-2, two diamonds. Check around. Turn Qh. I bet, get raised, and shove. He has a flush draw. He did this on the turn after checking the flop???? No problem (for him) … he’s got a winner. Next hand fold around to me on the button, A-K suited. Big blind re-raises, fast game, I put him on BS just playing back at button steal … nope, he has the one hand that utterly dominates me. And oddly, my A-K didn’t beat his A-A out of his stack that happened to me twice recently in this run.

Move to PLO. I made quads very early on on a 7s-6s-2c flop. Weird, same flop as in hold’em a few minutes ago. I raise and both opponents get all-in. Turn 7d. River is 4s and guy says, “That’s me.” What the hell does that even mean on a paired board, esp in a raised pot? I’ve been playing this game since the ‘80s, lol. He turns over 3-4-5-6 all black. I hardly cared, wasn’t going to be shocked. But it wasn’t the straight flush, just looked like it, and my quads held up, which is not something, I gather, most people worry about too much. They just kind of laugh at that subject.

That was the last hand I swept all night. Of couse I was still zero percent on flush draws, they nearly 100%. I had what might be close to a record free roll on a guy. We both had the same straight, huge pot. On the turn I had both flush draws and a bigger straight draw gutter. I think 20 card free roll? We chopped it. My bluff catching calls are still running at 100%, 2-for-2 on this session. But just can’t complete a hand. Worst streak I ever had of the 0% versus 100% flush/pair-the-board thing was one month … thirty years ago. 39 months this time.

I got more than a little testy toward the end, the end that is of over 3 years and 200 sessions of death. I apologized sincerely and told myself I might quit playing. I fully realize that I am not even a 50 percentile player in today’s climate. All the good players from back when have been weeded out, but it didn’t happen to me (til now). In fact I was kind of insanely hot for about 5 years. But it is the way that it is happening now that is so bizarre. Utter nightmare runouts galore and 4 brushes with the bad beat jackpots, none qualifying. Doesn’t really matter how it happens, I guess.

I have 15 black chips from one of the joints. The double quad nines, a winner and a loser, joint. Hmm.

The deck utterly deserted me in some kind of freakish way, and here’s why: this world is a quantum apparition that is based on perception and information. I am studying it. I am learning. There are no 200 billion galaxies, there is the appearance of it. Which is more likely? ask yourself … and then you are on a good track.

I once was lost in the shuffle (credits to Subby), but now it, the deck, is teaching me via its handiwork. About life, about Self. The deck is merely an extension of the quantum display that our senses are attuned to, and falsely consider to be “reality.” Makes sense to me.

So I decide to just drop in the local small game for a few hours tonight instead of hitting the highway for the bigger game. I tell myself, nothing can really disturb me there, just gonna play two little buy-ins, no more, before movie date, and there’s nothing that can really get next to me. I’ve seen and taken all the beats already. But everytime I tell myself this, which is dozens of times in this run, something even weirder happens to give it the lie.

Three quick hands I have 9-J suited, 8-J suited, and 9-Q suited. Two deuces beats them all of course after total board run out. No problem. That’s a given for over 200 sessions. I’m A-Q of diamonds on the button, one limper in front of me. I raise, he calls. Flop is K-J-4, two diamonds. He checks and does deliberate call. Don’t know him, can’t tell if it is indecision, slow play, a straight draw, or just a middlin’ piece not wanting to let go yet. Turn is a king, great card of course, lol. He checks. I bet all-in, getting ready to find out what I’m up against. Again, an even much slower hem and haw. Several minutes of fiddling with his chips, maybe calling, maybe not. I have nothing of course. Then he “raises” it. Turns out he has K-J nut full so it was all pure hollywood. Jeezus. I’ve just been hollywooded by the nut full when I was all-in, waiting and waiting and waiting. I have never seen that one before. It gets weirder, the dealer counts out his raise and looks at me and says “175 more.” I have an all-in button in front of me and no chips anywhere near me. I’m speechless. I think I’ll just let it go for however long it takes, just staring at the dealer, not too cool by I’m way beyond my wits end. The player to my right in the one seat saves the situation and points out that I was all-in five minutes ago (before the guy was hollywooding the turn raise). “Oh, are you are in?” says the dealer, as if it is a difficult question.

I mean is it possible of all the thousands of flops not to be one where he has double gin (flop and turn), I have monster draw and in the betting lead … all the perfect trap. Is it too much to ask for maybe something else to happen, as if maybe they hadn’t rooted thru the deck to get perfect busto situation? That’s too much to ask?

Next hand I have 9-9 and flat a raise, 4-handed. Flop 5-5-2, two diamonds. Leader bets, both call in front, I raise. One call. Pure flush draw. He misses his nut flush, but don’t worry, the turn A left me with four outs. Now the point is not that I lost in this utterly routine, coin flip flop. It’s that for 3 years, 3 months, and 5 days now, I lost nearly 100% of these hands whichever side I was on. It’s so far beyond bizarre that randomness fails to explain it this side of sextillion-to-one territory. I realize that such a time span is not into the long run statistically. But those odds I quoted are for real. Yet here it is.

The hollywood nut full slow roll raise with me already all-in five minutes ago, waiting to see his hand (if he even calls), followed by the zero percent coin flip.

[x] Threatening my sanity
[x] Enlightening me on some of the universe’s mysteries

All in all, not a terrible trade-off at all. The deck is part of the universe therefore part of metaphysics, and metaphysics is more important than poker results per se.

of course that's 2 outs with the nines versus the tagged ace on turn, would have been 4 versus the expected flush arrival hardeeharhar

****ing hysterical. i feel ur pain op

Imagine reading all of that

HAHAHAHAHA Mr. Sheep made me laugh the Sammy Laughing at Poor People laugh