Hi guys. I'm currently writing on my mobile phone while waiting for my next Uber rider (I'm a driver), so I apologize if I am not grammatically correct in many places. My thumbs get tired from writing on a touchscreen and I don't want to exert so much effort I suppose, lol. I have read quite a few degen stories which has inspired me to write some of my own, however I don't have a masterplan on how to write my thoughts down in a chronologically coherent series. I will try my best to write things down in order, but to be honest I'm not exactly sure where to start. Here I am , at 24 years of age, sitting in my car with only about 50 bucks to my name, and a couple thousand in debt. How can this be possible if I work pretty much every day? I seem to be perpetually refilling a negative bank account, working long hours only to be relieved when my overdraft finally disappears and I have 0 dollars in my bank account . Having 0 dollars, although not satisfying, takes away a lot of the stress that having a negative bank account brings. However, I am still constantly stressed at the idea that my car may fail on me and I won't be able to afford the repairs, hence no job (Uber). I could always ask my parents for money, but they have helped bail me out so many times, and my dad is on the verge of kicking me out (he has actually kicked me out of the house in the past because of my gambling/depression, but only for a few days). If you would've asked me at 18 years old where I'd be when I was 24 , I would've told you that I would be finishing up with college, probably off at grad school somewhere, with a masters in psychology. I probably wouldn't tell you that I would drop out after 2 years of college and after the six years of working (from construction jobs, serving at a restaurant, cashier work, paperboy at 2am every day, assembly line jobs, and for the past 3 years Uber driver) that I'd only have 2 twenties and a couple straggler bills in my wallet while I wait to pick up a passenger for Uber. Yes , I know, the jobs that I have mentioned are very trivial right? Most of them were minimum wage, although being tipped out at the restaurant I used to work at made some days around 20/hr. I've being working for the past 6 years, even during my first two years of college. Even if I were to have only saved 1 dollar per day for the past 6 years that would be 365 x 6 = $2190. That's quite different owing my University about 2 grand, my closed down credit card 1500, and a loan I took out for my dogs surgery a while back for about another 2 grand. For some people this may not be a lot of money, but for me, making around 12-17 per hour, it's gonna be a long ride.

I realize that in this small post I have not explained anything to how I have come to this point in my life. I do plan on writing specific things in a mildly chronological manner. However I have my Uber app turned off and really need to get back to making money. I will update this post regardless if anyone reads it or not, mostly just for blogging sake.

TL;DR

Do you know what a paragraph is OP?

Haha sorry if it's hard to read. Like I said I'm using my phone to type and I wasn't putting much effort into any grammatical or structural things. Once I use a laptop though I'll be sure to format things better.

you better work out your money problems or soon you'll be taking a straight and narrow for $$$


Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh (le laugh)

Didn't read a single word.

So maybe this thread is better suited for the House of Blogs?

Hey guys!
Do you know snow isn't actually white?

That’s right. Snow is actually clear. Snowflakes are made out of ice crystals, so when light passes through, it bends and bounces off each individual crystal. The entire spectrum of light is reflected back to our eyes, and we see white snow. So there’s actually no such thing as a White Christmas, but that sounds a lot catchier than Translucent Christmas.

Also
The continental U.S. gets an average of 105 snow-producing storms each year, but the number of blizzards has doubled in the last 20 years. Between 1960 and 1994, there were about nine blizzards per year. Since 1995, however, the average increased to 19 a year. Researchers believe this could be related to low sunspot activity. Check out these 8 vintage photos of snowstorms from the early 1900s.

And snowstorms are not blizzard
Besides the fact that “blizzard” just sounds a lot more threatening than “snowstorm,” the real difference between the two is in wind speeds and visibility. According to the National Weather Service, a blizzard must have large amounts of snow, winds blowing over 35 miles per hour, and visibility of less than a quarter mile.

And lots of snow = big ass snowmen
The Guinness Book of World Records gave the record for Tallest Snowman to one jolly, happy soul in Bethel, Maine. The snowwoman, which took over a month to build, was over 122 feet tall. Next, check out these 40 stunning photos of national parks covered in snow.

Hey Mr. MoC! Interesting read, thanks for sharing. Here's the snowwoman in Maine:



Its arms are actually trees!

That is not a snowman. Snowmen are three rolled snowballs stack atop of one another. It should not count for any record.

What the **** did you just ****ing say about me, you little *****? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ****ing words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, ****er. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're ****ing dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little ****. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ****ing tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're ****ing dead, kiddo.

Who the **** are you ranting about?

I guess it makes sense that a billion snowflakes rolled together would be incredibly touchy and sensitive.

Bodybuilding.com quote

Approximately 11:45 PM and feeling completely wired for no apparent reason. Did a bunch of productive things today and capped it off with something that is surely the "be all and end all of productive activities": downloaded Red Dead Redemption. Sureeeeeely I'll be spending a few extremely productive hours there

One thing I've decided is that as soon as my sister is done school I'll be getting my office back (that she is using as a bedroom), I'll be converting it back into an office. Had a bit of a realization that when I spend such long hours at the computer: 1) my computer should be GTO and efficient for the job 2) my office should be GTO for the job and as optimal for health as possible.

Office Improvement To Do: Acquire standing desk, acquire new desktop PC with appropriate specs for poker (anyone have suggestions I'm a noob?), make setup ergonomically friendly, put my fish tank in there, get a trophy case, decorate it with some fake plants/pics etc...This has been a long time coming and although my future in online poker is uncertain: I'm sure having a GTO office/work set up can only be a positive for computer time well-being.

Bedroom Improvement: Much like the office we spend about 1/3 of our lives sleeping. Listened to this amazing Rogan podcast episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwaWilO_Pig

^That podcast blew my mind...highly recommend having a listen. The quality of our sleep has a drastic effect on the quality of our lives and it seems to be something people undervalue. There's been this "hustle" movement in the past years that promotes that "sleep is for the weak" etc which is quite ironic and stupid imo. Anyways, to do: get a King Sized mattress, get better quality pillows, acquire blackout blinds.

So yeah, there's 2 areas of my life where I've massively under spent on in the past which have an enormous part of my life. Working to optimize them going forward. Stay tuned in here for pics etc. when I get it all worked out.

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Had this conversation with my friend the other day about "flaws of the education system" and my current state of insomnia seems like a good time to lull myself to bed with splurging a bit of it here. As per usual it's all just my random opinions mostly experiential with likely 0 research or evidence etc.

1. The system is archaic: Why are we teaching the same things we taught in the 1950s? Have times not changed? A lot of my Uni exams I would spend hours the night before memorizing things until 3 AM. I'd roll out of bed into the exam @ 8:30 AM and regurgitate it all onto a page before rolling back into bed and forgetting it all over a sleep of a lifetime. It just feels like a lot of the stuff taught is irrelevant and a waste of time to memorize when the answers are all right at our finger tips. For many topics grades are given on how well a student memorizes something as opposed to how well they understand it.

2. The system wastes a lot of time teaching things that are impractical in the lives of 99% of the students learning it. How many times outside of school have most people used the Quadratic Formula? Obviously, it would be practical to a few students and might be relevant for learning higher level math...but it seems absurd to force it upon 100% of students. Instead that time should be used learning things that are extremely practical in everyday life: how to do taxes, how to budget money, how to negotiate, how to "sell", how to improve your people skills, how to use social media, HOW TO USE COMPUTERS. Almost everything in our world nowadays has a computer behind it to some extent. Outside of learning how to type and some basic Microsoft program stuff I learned almost nothing about computers from school. Oh yeah, sex ed was pretty bad as well.

3. Everybody is grouped into the same funnel and the system aims to either dump them into 1) College or 2) University. When I was in school there was some type of weird pressure that if you had any decent type of brain you would be wasting your talent by going to anything other than University. In the era of most of my guidance councillors the answer was indeed University. When they were growing up everybody who went to Uni got good jobs right out of school and went on to make decent money probably...because Uni students were a lot more rare. Nowadays, degrees come a dime a dozen and a lot of kids waste their time and money going to Uni just because they felt some type of cultural obligation to do so. (Obviously Uni is great/necessary if you need it for the career path you desire.)

It seems like there's a definite demand growing for trades people and that is partly due to the education system/society trying to pump everybody into white collar jobs. We need to improve the system to groom students for the actual world we live in and the careers that would suit them well...not for the 1970s and in jobs they despise.

4.) The system squashes creativity and outside of the box thinking...on so many levels.

5) Schools should focus on building the foundations of a healthy and happy lifestyle. There is a massive cultural misunderstanding of nutrition/happiness/mindset/and physical health across North America and all of the bad habits everywhere seem to be spiraling downwards. The masses are misled by advertisements/governments or even just their own upbringing. The food industry is absolutely massive and corporations have so many tricks up their sleeves to acquire your money. Whether it's making you think that your burger is healthy because it's organic, or that "whole wheat" is healthy, etc. etc.


Anyways, getting a little bit carried away and probably sounding like Alex Jones conspiracy theorist advocate 101 so I'll cut it off there. Hope you guys are doing well and thanks for reading!

PS:

If you don't believe me check out the Canada Food Guide pyramid:
https://gyazo.com/9f70baa8504ce67eb9dd5bc69d2b5a53

Why have we brainwashed people to think they should be eating a diet with so many processed grains like bread/pasta/cereal? Our race got to be where it is today by eating meats, fruits, vegetables, nuts and other stuff natural to our environment. Our bodies aren't meant to deal with all of the processed garbage and large amounts of this stuff according to heaps of research leads to disease and worsened quality of life. I've been a victim to a lot of this mis-education and I'd be lying if it wasn't tough to kick some of these bad habits.

is that massive wall one of those copypastas

Without Supra,I couldn't be a master driver. I trained my master driver ability by driving Supra a long time ago. I went to Nürburgring and together with Mr.Naruse... who taught me how to drive the car. Many car is driving more than 200 kilometers... so I'm so scared. One lap is about 10 minutes... I felt like 10 minutes from now... am I still alive? At that time, Supra is no longer in Production... no longer sales. All other car makers, their vehicle is the vehicle... which they're going to introduce... two or three years from now. Only Toyota, only myself, is driving used car. Today, I meet friend from long, long time ago. We are kind of separated but now we meet again. We're back in Nürburgring for final testing of the new Supra. Toyota lovers are waiting for the Supra. I think we need a Supra story again. Without Supra,I couldn't be a master driver. I trained my master driver ability by driving Supra a long time ago. I went to Nürburgring and together with Mr.Naruse... who taught me how to drive the car. Many car is driving more than 200 kilometers... so I'm so scared. One lap is about 10 minutes... I felt like 10 minutes from now... am I still alive? At that time, Supra is no longer in Production... no longer sales. All other car makers, their vehicle is the vehicle... which they're going to introduce... two or three years from now. Only Toyota, only myself, is driving used car. Today, I meet friend from long, long time ago. We are kind of separated but now we meet again. We're back in Nürburgring for final testing of the new Supra. Toyota lovers are waiting for the Supra. I think we need a Supra story again. Without Supra,I couldn't be a master driver. I trained my master driver ability by driving Supra a long time ago. I went to Nürburgring and together with Mr.Naruse... who taught me how to drive the car. Many car is driving more than 200 kilometers... so I'm so scared. One lap is about 10 minutes... I felt like 10 minutes from now... am I still alive? At that time, Supra is no longer in Production... no longer sales. All other car makers, their vehicle is the vehicle... which they're going to introduce... two or three years from now. Only Toyota, only myself, is driving used car. Today, I meet friend from long, long time ago. We are kind of separated but now we meet again. We're back in Nürburgring for final testing of the new Supra. Toyota lovers are waiting for the Supra. I think we need a Supra story again. Without Supra,I couldn't be a master driver. I trained my master driver ability by driving Supra a long time ago. I went to Nürburgring and together with Mr.Naruse... who taught me how to drive the car. Many car is driving more than 200 kilometers... so I'm so scared. One lap is about 10 minutes... I felt like 10 minutes from now... am I still alive? At that time, Supra is no longer in Production... no longer sales. All other car makers, their vehicle is the vehicle... which they're going to introduce... two or three years from now. Only Toyota, only myself, is driving used car. Today, I meet friend from long, long time ago. We are kind of separated but now we meet again. We're back in Nürburgring for final testing of the new Supra. Toyota lovers are waiting for the Supra. I think we need a Supra story again. Without Supra,I couldn't be a master driver. I trained my master driver ability by driving Supra a long time ago. I went to Nürburgring and together with Mr.Naruse... who taught me how to drive the car. Many car is driving more than 200 kilometers... so I'm so scared. One lap is about 10 minutes... I felt like 10 minutes from now... am I still alive? At that time, Supra is no longer in Production... no longer sales. All other car makers, their vehicle is the vehicle... which they're going to introduce... two or three years from now. Only Toyota, only myself, is driving used car. Today, I meet friend from long, long time ago. We are kind of separated but now we meet again. We're back in Nürburgring for final testing of the new Supra. Toyota lovers are waiting for the Supra. I think we need a Supra story again. Without Supra,I couldn't be a master driver. I trained my master driver ability by driving Supra a long time ago. I went to Nürburgring and together with Mr.Naruse... who taught me how to drive the car. Many car is driving more than 200 kilometers... so I'm so scared. One lap is about 10 minutes... I felt like 10 minutes from now... am I still alive? At that time, Supra is no longer in Production... no longer sales. All other car makers, their vehicle is the vehicle... which they're going to introduce... two or three years from now. Only Toyota, only myself, is driving used car. Today, I meet friend from long, long time ago. We are kind of separated but now we meet again. We're back in Nürburgring for final testing of the new Supra. Toyota lovers are waiting for the Supra. I think we need a Supra story again. Without Supra,I couldn't be a master driver. I trained my master driver ability by driving Supra a long time ago. I went to Nürburgring and together with Mr.Naruse... who taught me how to drive the car. Many car is driving more than 200 kilometers... so I'm so scared. One lap is about 10 minutes... I felt like 10 minutes from now... am I still alive? At that time, Supra is no longer in Production... no longer sales. All other car makers, their vehicle is the vehicle... which they're going to introduce... two or three years from now. Only Toyota, only myself, is driving used car. Today, I meet friend from long, long time ago. We are kind of separated but now we meet again. We're back in Nürburgring for final testing of the new Supra. Toyota lovers are waiting for the Supra. I think we need a Supra story again. Without Supra,I couldn't be a master driver. I trained my master driver ability by driving Supra a long time ago. I went to Nürburgring and together with Mr.Naruse... who taught me how to drive the car. Many car is driving more than 200 kilometers... so I'm so scared. One lap is about 10 minutes... I felt like 10 minutes from now... am I still alive? At that time, Supra is no longer in Production... no longer sales. All other car makers, their vehicle is the vehicle... which they're going to introduce... two or three years from now. Only Toyota, only myself, is driving used car. Today, I meet friend from long, long time ago. We are kind of separated but now we meet again. We're back in Nürburgring for final testing of the new Supra. Toyota lovers are waiting for the Supra. I think we need a Supra story again.

Actually it originated in 4chong (The famous hacker, who is this guy?) 12-13 years ago

I hear if you say "4chan" three times in a row that moot shows up in your bathroom

Didn't he leave at a point and sold it to Hiroshima Nagamoto or something like that?

he stepped down as admin in 2015

Summary- bank account went negative. I worked to recoup my losses. Have been taking a break from the game. Also, I have been taking a break from other addictive behaviors in my life. Is this the start of new way of behaving?


Not that anyone was anticipating my next blog post, but sorry for going AFK for a couple weeks. It's been a bit of a rocky past few weeks, but there's definitely some light at the end of the tunnel. Also, I have no idea whether some posts are mocking this thread or not, but I found those long uninteresting stories to be hilarious. I see what you did there, I see it.


Is this a different path to recovery?

A couple of weeks ago, I had saved up about $300 driving for Uber after I had absolutely tarnished my bank account. It was a lot better than having like 20 bucks to my name, because I had recently demolished about 3 grand overnight on ignition casino. However, it did not take long before my self-sabotaging behaviors revealed themselves once again. I suddenly didnt care about how much money I had to my name. I didnt care if I blew it all again. I just wanted to feel some sort of rush. I needed to escape. Most of the time, I'd donk off my $$$ playing 2.5/5 on ignition. But I barely had enough for a buy in, so I decided to lose it all playing casino games instead.

After having lost about $300 in that night, the next morning was a bit rough to wake up to. Waking up after cleaning your bank account sucks, because sleeping is part of my escape. I dont have to deal with any tough feelings when Im sleeping. But when I wake up, I am reminded of how much I ****ed up. However, the thing about ignition casino is that sometimes they put back money into my bank account even after I lose it. So i still somehow had about $125, which I then blew on more casino games.
So at this point, my bank account said about $10, but in reality it was only a matter of time before ignition collected the rest of the money that was put into my bank account. I was pretty stressed out knowing that I was at over -$100. In the meantime, I needed to work for Uber to try and recoup my losses.

It's always so awkward going back to work (Uber) and driving around passengers after I get into such a depressed state. I want to converse with them, but my mind is like sludge. I can't even smile at things that usually make me laugh, let alone carry on a conversation and try to pretend like things are normal.

However, I was able to make around $150 after some long hours and driving until about 3 am that night. That basically meant that after I refuel my gas tank, and whenever ignition collects the remaining $, i will probably still be slightly negative, but I felt incredibly relieved. It is sad to see so much money go to waste though. My next problem was to pay my phone bill, car payment, insurance, and gym membership, but over the next week I was able to do just that.
At this exact moment, the bills have been paid, and I have about $420 in my bank account and half of a tank of gas to drive for Uber, but something still feels incredibly unsettling. Im 24 years old, and the past few years have been the same depressing routine. I never have any money because no matter what I save, I always donk it away, either to players or to the casino itself. One of the craziest parts too is that I have actually become a very knowledgeable poker player, but I make decisions knowing that they are the wrong ones anyways. I know a play will be a losing one in the long run, but I do it anyways. When when I play depressed, I don't care about the long run. All I care about it the short run and chasing losses. If theres a big pot, you can count me in with bottom pair because I want to see myself suck out big time. Any hard work that I put in to the game I inevitably have sabotaged.

The past week of my life has been a very interesting one. I have temporarily disabled my ignition casino and bovada accounts by simply asking customer service to do so. And during this period of time, I have become stronger physically, at the gym, and mentally as well. I went out on a date for the first time in over a year, and even though the girl wasn't looking for anything long distance (she was only here on vacation), I feel a fire lit under my belly that I haven't felt in such a long time. During our date, I realized that I didn't share much about myself at all, because the truth is, there was nothing going on in my life that I WANTED to share. I eat, sleep, work, gamble, and repeat the process over and over, only looking for the next rush. I sit here now in my local university library typing this, because for the first time in a while I am actually excited at the idea of completing my four year degree (I'm 2 years in already, but havent gone to school in about 3 years).

I'm not trying to say that poker is the problem. Poker is definitely not the problem. But so far in my journey as a player, I have lacked self-discpline and haven't been able to distance myself from the addict inside of me. Once I go on tilt, I no longer care about making good decisions. I just want my ****ing money back from those bad beats, and I'm gonna do the craziest **** to try and do that.

I don't know if it's because I am taking a break from playing or if its because I finally went on a date with a girl and got somewhat rejected afterwards...... I don't know what the deal is but now I am feeling unsatisfied with my current state of life, but in a GOOD way. The scary part is though is that I feel like its very easy to slip back into my addictive behaviors. I have other addictive behaviors that I have not shared here. I am slightly worried that I can ruin my own momentum by falling back on those behaviors.
Poker is still a possibility for me in my mind, but I need to dip my fingers into many other things. I no longer want to tolerate waking up at 5pm, working the night, and gambling my hard earned money in an extremely undisciplined way. I no longer want to wake up in the morning with no desire to leave the sheets, but only a desire to fall back into my dream world, my escapeland.

hey man I almost read all of your post and was touched
and I'm ready to give you an advice

have you ever tried crack?
Should cheer you up and I promise is not addictive & bad as people say

give us updates once you're on it

Sheep did read all OP's last post. Good luck bro! Dating ewes is certainly a better idea than playing at online casinos.