Hi everyone,

First, I'll start off by saying that I'm a losing player in NLHE and I'm not here to whine about bad beats or how I almost won a big donkament that one time... instead, I'll be whining like a little degenerate that I am in this thread about my lack of skill, so please go easy on me.

I started playing poker for the first time back in 2012, started really getting into it around 2015, with HUD, books, Pokerstove, Youtube etc. I've also been lurking 2+2 for a few years now but this is the only time I've really interacted with the community. I can't say I've been putting in volume on a "grinders" scale over the years, since I have only 7.3k (1.6£ av BI) games, MTT mostly mix with SNG. Those 7.3k is nothing if you take 8 years to play them, most people get that volume in a few months. All of these games consist of micro stakes, with maybe 10% of volume being up to 30$ shots at big scores. My total stake comes to 11,741£ and 12,295£ cashes with 1,100£ rake. I can't beat the rake. It is quite depressing and thus is the reason why I don't really want to post my life graph and get laughed at.

I used to blame the variance for my bad beats but then realised how bad my decisions in certain spots really were. I have this bad habit of making a bad play even when every single instinct and muscle memory tells me not to. Deep down I know the optimal play but I do otherwise and end up looking like a bingo player. You want to know what is the worst feeling in Poker in my opinion? Not the bad beats, not the 1 outers or losing to 1 card backdoor flush, not losing AA vs 94o and any other magical moments variance has to offer, it's actually the feeling when you're getting nowhere even when you've dedicated your time and work to improve. One could argue I haven't dedicated my time enough for studying the game, which could be partly true as you can always learn more, but I've tried at least a little bit. I mean, I'm not asking much, just enough to break even at least... sure everyone would like to crush like C.Darwin and Lena900, but I don't even aim that high. I'd feel like Lena even if I could bring in 1k$ a month , so I'm trying to be humble and not jump the gun with stakes, while at the same time I feel like my skill level is stagnant only because I'm in micros all the time. Those are frikin micros and I can't even crush those, so what's the point of even trying to go up in stakes...

I kind of understand where some of my own faults lie in retrospect. It's been a year since I dropped my ego. Before that my ego was blown up from running hot online and by crushing home games with people who don't even know what 3bet means and who later simply chose not to invite me to play. Such scenario happened on two separate occasions in two dicferent towns. Back then this blew my ego up and I didn't even really know how to play the game. Not like I now know, but I do slightly more than a year ago. I can feel some improvement over the years on a subjective scale, but reality is different. Sometimes I think I'm just too stupid for this game and while never diagnosed, might actually be mentally ******ed. I mean, there are people who can achieve even moderate success, so why can they but I can't? "If you can't succeed in something, you haven't failed enough" - is a favourite saying of mine, only I keep failing and have nothing to show for it when I succeed.

Want to hear something really pathetic? I have 2 casual friends who also play online MTT's and SNG's. One of them is down -3k£ and the other -1k£, both have combined 2k less games than me. After a bad beat I'd often compare my graph with theirs to make my self feel a little better. I'd even turn on the "profit excluding rake" and disable other lines. It actually makes me disgusted at the moment. Feeding my self with illusions of grandure...

I really do wish to improve at Poker and I'm trying to learn something new each day. I'll try to lose with a smile on my face and keep on studying spots as best as I can, but for how long can I mentally stay below green line before I break? Looking at my graph 2 years from now and seeing it in red would kill me and my passion for Poker.

I just don't know where I'm at right now... sorry about this mindless rambling

If it can make you feel better, the vast majority of people who've been playing poker for a decade suck at it also. Sucking is the default. Admitting to yourself that you have no ****ing clue how to play is a good first step. It took you a lot of time to figure this out but hey, better late than never.

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to very bright to succeed at poker. Many dumb or slow persons (like myself) succeed every year in poker by simply following a solid framework and by being self-disciplined. EQ trumps IQ all day.

If you truly wanted to succeed in poker, you would do what successfull players do. That said, it's OK if you don't feel like investing the energy and time to actually become good.

I am Colin Piddle's gimmick.

wow

TLDR OP. Please highlight the part where Morph is to blame

^ it's all of it, F. Don't blame yourself, OP; I made it so.

Thanks Morph

thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

This is a legitimate beat, OP. You've come to the right place. (Welcome to 2+2 by the way. )

From what I've understood you don't play cash games, just SnGs and MTTs. As MTTs have the most variance, my suggestion would be to stick to SnGs with the lowest available BI for a while. Considering the (albeit slight) improvements you've made, you should be able to beat such games. If not, you can always post hands or stats in the relevant subforum. One usually remembers advice given about one's own hands better than advice to random strangers. GL!

Wow, I seriosly didn't expect so many replies. Thanks everyone for your time. I'm posting from a phone so it's kinda hard to quote people, especially link to images.

@Sheep86, I'm already playing the lowest stakes one could play. You can't go lower. Yesterday I had a good run of playing micros in 5 games, 2x 2.50$ 180 man 1rst place back to back, then third game finished 14, 5th game was big KO for 2.20$ finished 11/8700 for 65$, so made roughly 308$, but could have made more because my edge and gameplay froze when I was at 4mil chips at the big KO. If my skills were better, I'd be on final table there. I try to make the right plays, but most of the time what I consider to be right is actually wrong.

I really do wish to improve, so instead of just donking 1k$, I've decided to purchase RYE course and study it like my life depends on it. Hopefully I'll improve then and can crush at least some format.

<3

I'm a sore loser

I just told a guy something like "dude..i swear to god you 3bet me one more time and i shove"

I was so ****ing tilted, pick A5s, i raise he 3bets me, i shove 120bbs

he called with Kings, not cashing out, but we run it twice and i won both

Pro

Clarification: I am using Dunning-Kruger in the sense that you are underestimating yourself. I know DK is usually just brought up the other way for an ad-hom attack

Dunning-Kruger. You can write well and in complete sentences. You are not dumb/slow, you don't realize how dumb the world is.