Mike the Mouth did it " Check Raise the Devil" I believe. I'm sure yours would crush it.

Blew my whole night reading the thread. Shamefully I watched the whale get harpooned twice. Good god what a behemoth! Well done sir......

DoX

holy crap no one but warmdeck post stories in here please. make your own thread no one cares.

no offense warmdeck, proceed.

I actually read that book when it first came out. Wasn't bad, mostly about gambling. Did have the undercover cop thing, setting him up for drugs. Mine wouldn't be as much about gambling. Much more debauchery.

Not sure about that title, but could work. Never read any Mcmanus book.
Don't feel bad. I had a front row live screening from the doorway. Imagine how I felt. Glad you enjoyed.
None taken.

This needs to be one long movie, somehow. Would pay $100 to see.

Lol my life isn't movie worthy, I don't think. I have so many girl and gambling stories that are amusing. My interesting ones are mostly the shady/crime ones. Like 3 DUI's and hitting a cop car in 2 of them. Being shot at multiple times. House getting raided. Being investigated by the secret service. 2 home invasions within a month of each other. Just overall pure degeneracy.

I want to hear about that secret service story!

That one is quite the gem. Will come with links too. The statute of limitations is up, so I will get around to it eventually.

As much as i would love to read a book one day, I feel you would be giving up who you are and it would be easier for your gf to find and read. Which is not what you want. I dont know how you could change names and minor details for her not to fully know its definitely you.

This is exactly what my friend said to me today. That my only set back is that I will end up single. But he said at least i'll have another story to tell, about how I lost my GF of 10 years because I decided to write a book lol. She knows everything about me except the majority of my cheating. I could either sell her on fiction or say the stories happened before her. Doubt she will buy that though.

World would a very boring place if everybody was the same!

You could do it using the amazon thing,,,they just take a cut of the profits...like 30% or something. I know of people who write book full time now and publish them using amazon service and are making decent enough money

When's the movie script going to be written? You and Poker Jay would have to play yourselves. Because, I don't think anyone else on this planet would be capable of filling those roles (And decimating bankrolls). For the movie to be a success, you would need to combine a mixture of The Hangover, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Owning Mahowny (RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman). Let me know if you need help writing this script.

Actually, I think I found someone who could be casted as Poker Jay.

I was thinking Jay Baruchel as Poker Jay

This made me think of a good Poker Jay story.

Poker Jay's Hangover

It was a Friday evening and I didn't have much planned. Figured I would just wing it. Once I got ready, I had to make one stop before I did anything. A buddy of mine had won $3,500 that week on sports. I had to go collect that for him. By the time the guy was around to see me it was about 930pm. I met him in the entertainment district downtown and squared up. I called my buddy to tell him I was all set, but he said to just see him tomorrow. He was with his girl and in for the night. That's not the kind of night I wanted. So I made some calls to see who was out. Of course Poker Jay was on his way downtown. So like the degenerate I am, I headed into the strip club to have a drink and wait for him.

Jay was with another friend of his who loves strip clubs. They have been friends since childhood and frequent strip clubs together all the time. We bull**** for a bit, while hitting on bartenders and talking to the strippers we know. After a few drinks, Jay's friend recommends hitting a different strip club. As the 3 of us are walking up to the entrance of this club, I hear a car honking. It's another friend of mine who I hit the casino with a good amount. We will call him Caddy, because he drives a Cadillac. Caddy loves gambling and strip clubs. My kind of guy.

We all end up inside and sit at the stage. We order drinks and just make jokes. Everyone has a good buzz going. Jay's friend has been putting money out for dances like he always does. Then trying to get the dancers number after. He's not the best looking kid but has banged so many strippers doing this. I'm the type that never really gets lap dances or throws money at them. But I was feeling good this night and there was a pretty good looking girl I've never seen before. I had about $4k on me. My friends $3500 and $500 petty cash I brought out for the night. So I have Jay get me a strap of singles and do my best attempt to make it rain with $100. Jays's friend is a regular and had to top me. He sent Jay to exchange for $200. It was all pretty funny and this girl enjoyed the money. She did work her ass off for it and I'm sure she has a drug habit or something that isn't cheap. So she could definitely use the money.

At this point all the other dancers see this and we have a target on us. Even those girls that bring around them cheap shots and harrass you to buy one. I don't know what worse. Them or a Jehovahs Witness. Well this one marginal looking shot girl, who must not have made the cut for dancing moseys on up. I instantly tell her I'm broke and point to my other friends. Caddy is pretty drunk and she asks him. Nobody likes those shots and nobody likes being asked to buy one. But Caddy is a Boss and does what any real Boss would do. After she asks him if he would like to buy a shot, he says "No.. But I will give you $100 if you finish the tray yourself and don't come back trying to sell me these." She looked at the 15 or so left and seemed like she was doing math in her head. She put them all down as we were laughing. Then we sent her to the bar for real shots.

Jay was so drunk he even was buying drinks. This is a very rare thing for Jay to do. I'll set the odds at an 850 to 1 long shot. But it must have been a good day at the redemption center, because he had like $300 on him. So she returns with all of our drinks and Jay pays her. She must like Caddy now and I'm assuming those 15 shooters helped. She ends up in the backroom with Caddy giving him a lap-dance/blowjob. Now it was Jays turn to show off. He had broke a $100 bill paying for the drinks and had about $40 in singles for change. He stood up and started waiving it around as bait. Dancers were scurrying over. He thought he was the man. He sat back down and told this girl she had to work for it. She said no problem and reached down to grab his dick. I think he actually yelled "Yahtzee!" and threw the $40 all over her at once. This girl was really into the dance with hopes of more money to come. Her rent was probably due and she was looking for a score. Now she is in a frenzy of fancy stripper moves. Jay is cheesing and loving every minute of it. Then in the heat of the moment, Jay takes a swift stiletto to the mouth as she swings her leg around. Caught him right in the front tooth. I didn't realize how bad it was until we got to the bathroom. He was bleeding and missing half to 3 quarters of his front tooth. Now this wasn't something new to Jay. This tooth was actually a replacement already. Years earlier when he lived with me, he had been gone on a 2 day bender. He showed up knocking on the front door with a missing tooth and reeking of alcohol. I guess he had fell flat on the pavement and knocked it out that time. He was drunk and having too good of a time to let this stop him.

He got right back in the saddle and ordered more drinks as this dancer made apology after apology. Caddy had knew the story about him losing a tooth on 2 separate occasions. Another time he had a tooth knocked out in a fight. He tells Jay that he needed to take out some Road Hazard insurance on his replacement tooth like it was a tire. We were dying, but Jay didn't seem to care and was boasting about how he had Mass Health.

We spend the rest of the night trying to pick up strippers and bring them to the casino. We had a couple bites but nothing solid. I think Jay missing the tooth was enough for them to back-out. Jay's friend goes home and all 3 of us decide were going to the casino. Jay made sure to buy a bag of coke before we make this drive. We stop at my house so I can grab a bag because when we go, we never know how long were staying. Caddy is used to this and had a bag already in his trunk. He hopped in the backseat and I let Jay drive my car. We were all wasted but Jay had extra life thanks to the powder. I also grabbed a bottle of vodka from my house and we stopped to get mixers before hitting the highway.

So its 245am and Jay is doing 90 down the highway. We are passing around drinks and just having a good time because we are so drunk. Somehow we made it to Foxwoods without being pulled over or crashing. We check into a Parlor suite. This was my first time in one of these suites. I thought it was weird how they had one of those beds that pull down out of the wall. But anyway we sit around and BS while Caddy and Jay finish the bag. Then it was time to gamble. Honestly I'm not sure if Jay every went down to gamble. I remember leaving him in the room while he was on the phone with someone and not seeing him until I got back.

So I'm firing away with my friends sports winnings and am stuck about $2k of it. I'm thinking this sucks, but was able to get back to even after a few hours of play. I hadn't seen Caddy and figured he was on the dice table. It was 7am, so I stop at the Dunkin Donuts there and grab some breakfast food. I get extra figuring Jay will be hungry and head back up to the room. He is passed out on the couch and I wake him up to give him his food. He is out of it. He eyes are extra glossy and bloodshot. He gets real frantic and almost scared. "Where, where am I?" I was like are you serious. He never stayed in a room like that so he probably didn't recognize it when he woke. I told him the casino. Then as he is going through his pockets "Wheres my money?" I said "You don't remember? You spent it all on drinks at the strip club" He seems very stressed. He must have known he needed that money for something. As he was fidgeting around on the couch all flustered "Why am I wet?" This I didn't know. We looked and it was only his pants. He ****ing pissed his pants! I started laughing. He gets up and is practically mumbling to himself. He is drunk and distraught. Then the moment of truth. He goes to the bathroom and I hear "WTF!!!!!" He see's his tooth.

This poor guy lost all his money, pissed his pants, and was missing his front tooth. To top it off he was stuck with us there until we decided to go home. I tried calming him down and he finally ate the food I brought. He took a shower and Caddy showed back up with food himself. Then we all went to sleep.

Once we got up I told Jay to wash his jeans in the sink and to dry them with the blow-dryer. Caddy and I decided to stay another night but wanted a new room. I couldn't talk Jay into making the best of it. He was very embarrassed about the tooth. He ends up calling some older lady he met before that works at Foxwoods and has her come see him once we switched rooms. She brought him Funyuns and a 4 pack of Red-bulls like he requested. She felt bad for him and sat in the room all day with him. While watching TV, giving him back rubs, and getting slammed by him. Caddy and I thought it was amazing that he was that banged up and still getting pussy. This lady wasn't no prize piece but still. We end up drinking and just playing a marathon of craps that night. I actually got in touch with that host I had met at Mohegan before and had her come meet me. I had hung out with her a few times and already hit. She played some blackjack then came up to the room with me to get nailed. I was so run down that I passed out in bed laying with her before doing anything. We stayed another night, then finally went home after I managed to blow my friends $3500 in sports winnings. Jay swore never to make this sporadic trip again with us. That only lasted 2 weeks.

At the dentist that week getting his grill fixed.

Hedge your bet and don't tell anyone you're writing the book. The only way she'll find out would be if it's successful, in which case you at least win in some way. If it fizzles, she'll never find out.

LOL it looks like jay is receiving preparation-H treatment.

Sounds like your book/movie would be similar to Tucker Max:

http://www.tuckermax.com/books/ihtsbih

funniest story yet

Referenced this already earlier in thread, tuckermax was full of shiit

My bad, missed that post.

Did some person/website prove he was full of it?

Agreed that last poker jay story had me laughing out loud at work... Buying 15 crappy test tube shots and making the waitress drink them. What is Jay up to now?

The stories are amazing and your writting style is very entertaining, i spit my coffee out reading this part:

"If he needed a tourney buy-in, he was going on a date with a guy to a restaurant and then to the casino for the tourney. It always amazed me how he could donk off his stack calling a big raise with T6 sooted and never fold once he hit middle pair. I mean if I had to do what he did for that money, I would bury it in a treasure chest in my back yard."