Jesus Christ.

Pot Luck Omaha


I have the standard poker beginnings story. Play home games with friends for small buy-ins. Watch poker on TV. Learn to play online with freerolls and small deposits. I think back now about how ridiculous most of this was. Watching Celebrity Poker with Phil Gordon commentating and waiting to see who landed in the losers lounge. That was just sad. How pathetic it was staying up all night in a 6,000 person freeroll to try and cash $1.80 then dust it off at 4am in a micro no-limit game. I remember climbing the ranks like most of us rookies. When heading down to the casino for a $120 daily morning tournament seemed like the main event. All of sudden realizing K9 sooted isn't my favorite hand. When you couldn't wait to get aces under the gun and limp. All the stepping stones most of us go through.

So I started playing online in 2005. I would win sometimes but never really make it to the cash out phase. My first big run was in 2006 when I got into the nightly $150 on Full Tilt through a $26 satellite. I remember updating my girlfriend every time someone got knocked off the final table and pacing back and forth between breaks. Finally I was the only one left and had $8,600 in my account. About time all the tips and tricks I learned from Celebrity Poker Showdown payed off. I played the next day in 5-10 NL cash games and the streak continued. I had $20k and thought I would never look back. You all know how this goes. I jumped to 10-20 NL 6 max/$1k SnGs and was broke 2 days after the win.

I couldn't repeat that temporary success for a while. I had a similar run in 2007 on Absolute where I deposited enough for a $150 dollar tournament with my credit card and took 3rd for $7200. I decided not to sleep and grind all night. About 10am the next morning I finally took a break with $11k in my account because I had to go check in to probation. I was getting semi delusional from not sleeping but was on a high from winning and told my probation officer that I was a professional poker player. I went home and really wanted to get the bankroll going so I jumped in the biggest game I could find. $200-$400 LH heads up. I lasted about 20 minutes.

I eventually started profiting and would actually cash out. Which brings us to spring of 2008. The height of my online poker addiction. During this time I would play everything and would try to grind out $500-$1k a week and cash it out. I would only leave $2k in my account for fear of blowing everything. Well I went out drinking one night and returned home drunk. Not sure why I decided to play PLO but I felt like gambling. I sat at 10-20 PLO with my $2k. I kind of knew what I was doing but was just hitting whatever I needed. I don't think the other players were that good at this time but WTF do I know. I want to say I got my stack up to $8k and decided to jump limits. I sat at 25-50 PLO with $6k and left my original $2k behind. Same thing here. I would pot whatever hand I liked pre and would hit the flop. I had my stack to about $13k and got involved in a pot with someone who had me covered and we got all-in on the turn. The $26k pot didn't get pushed my way. I stared at the screen in shock and disgust for a bit. I wanted that money back more than anything.

So after 3 hours of running hot at stakes I have never played and donking it off in one hand I decide I can do it again. Back to 10-20 PLO. I played more aggressive than the last time around because I wanted my money back. I jumped limits quicker this time around. I was eventually sitting on a 50-100 table with $30k in front of me. The only higher limit was 200-400 at this time and I seen someone sitting short with $8k. I take my shot. About 4 hands in, we end up all in and my broadway wrap gets there. Ship the $16k pot! He reloaded and we kept playing. I was winning small pots trying to play conservative. Its 6am and I remember Phil Galfond sat down. I was sobering up at this point and realized how much money I just made. I sat out and stared at my balance of $43k for a bit. I called a friend and had them change my password because I did not want to give this back.

I eventually received my bank wire of $30,000 after jumping through hoops and the constant fear of not getting paid. I also withdrew a $2k check and made sure I left $10k online for the grind. I believed I was a high limit player now. As soon as I pulled that $30k out of the bank I figured it was time for a casino celebration. I got a few of my friends and a couple girls together, booked a suite and headed down to the casino. I only brought $2k cash, dress clothes, and my laptop. I end up pretty drunk before we even went to the club there. I figured it was a good time to show off to all my friends how much of a pro I am. So I plugged in the laptop and sat at 10-20 PLO with one other player. I was giving lessons out loud on how to play hands and everyone couldn't believe the amount of money at risk. I lost 3 buy-ins in 25 minutes and told everyone to head to the club without me. With my last $5k I sat at 25-50 with hopes of getting my money back. That didn't work.

I grabbed the nearest bottle, chugged, then headed down to meet everyone. I don't remember too much from the night. One ridiculous thing I do remember is having to take a piss and going into the bar bathroom which only had one stall. It was occupied but I couldn't wait. The kid taking a piss left the stall door open and there was a floor drain grate right behind him in the stall. I took out my dick and started pissing into it while he was facing the toilet. He realized what I was doing as piss was splashing on the back of his pants and didn't appreciate it. He started talking **** and I laughed. It eventually got physical, not to much had happened because I threw him out the bathroom door and a bouncer was in the hallway there. The bouncer grabbed him and he was complaining that I pissed on him. I said that he was crazy and just attacked me out of nowhere. I said he must be on drugs. Well the bouncer must have believed me and threw the other kid out the club. Only other thing I remember after that was taking my $11k loss out on the girl I brought up for me. Petite, real good looking, little Portuguese girl. I gave her the business and was as rough as possible once I got her back to the room. She had what I call a Chinese finger trap which was nice. Top 3 of all time for sure.

http://www.highstakesreport.com/2008...-omaha-action/

This is a link to the big hand I lost. Hand C. I'm GREEZGREEZ. I swear I had a club flush draw. That 9 of spade was a club.

So whats a Chinese finger trap ?

Amazing^^^. What legends are made of.

Hilarious, do people actually f*ck on that kind of music?

Also wth, why would a girl want to f*ck for 2 mins? That **** desperate yo!

Oh the last story is even better m8

Yeah, I thought it would be close to impossible when you're having sex with something that disguisting.

subbed for life

wow OP with a funny ass story and a VIDEO to back up....GTFO

hey take it easy op, if you had quoted everything i said, it would have been obvious that my post was complimentary.

and btw i've been grinding for a living for over ten years kid, i'm pretty sure i know something about degeneracy.

voted 5* MOAR

I did sense sarcasm, but wasn't positive. So I responded just in case. Funny how so many of us can enjoy stories of such degenerate behavior.

Omg, could be the best thread I've ever seen on 2+2.

Up there with that run-down pool hall thread (with videos also).

Link to thread plz, need sth to read at work.

Also, congratz on great entertaining thread OP. Subbed

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/54...-tl-mr-240866/

Video at post 188, but is on Megaupload so you can't watch it.

Heather

I've reached the 30 year old checkpoint in life and surprisingly have only had 2 legitimate girlfriends. Don't get me wrong, I have slept with 200+ girls. With 90% of them giving it up the first night. Another weird thing is I've only slept with 3 or 4 of them sober, and that's including my 2 girlfriends. When I say sober, I mean dead sober. Not counting waking up the next morning after drinking and smashing again while I still have a little alcohol in me. I should probably be married by now, considering I've been with my current girlfriend for 10 years. But **** that, marriage isn't for degenerates. I'm happy with the girl I have now and she accepts me. But this story is about my first girlfriend. The crazy one I talked about in the Family Toys story.

So it's 4th of July weekend 2000. I was 16 and had my first car, a 1989 Honda accord. Some friends and I had planned a trip to Hampton Beach. We loaded up and hit the highway. Once we got there, we realized how hard it was to get a hotel room being so packed and trying to rent being only 17. We finally managed to find a run down joint outside the main strip called the Bates Motel. But **** it, we were here to party. We passed the word out to our friends and pretty soon we had this shack at full capacity. We got off to the standard teenage partying. Then later that night another 2 friends arrived with my future first girlfriend Heather. She was from a different town but hung out with kids from my town because she actually dated a friend mine for a little bit. So we have seen each other around but never really talked. She was 16 too, and had already dropped out. She was on the bad side but looked good and I liked it. We continued with the partying and we got to talking. Pretty sure she was ready to sleep with me that night because she asked me to sleep on th beach with her. But this older guy Scott who had to be gay, made sure that didn't happen. He had to be close to 40 years old and was the only adult staying at this dump. He really took a liking to me and seemed like he was hitting on me. It came out more when he got drunk. I dealt with it though because he was our booze connect. Something really odd I just thought of was him giving me a Foxwoods $1 silver slot token. He had a long talk with me about spiritual **** one of the mornings on the beach while I was getting some sun. Then gave me it as a keepsake. I knew nothing of gambling or Foxwoods at the time and thought it was weird. Don't know what I ever did with the coin. So the weekend went on and there was just drunken nonsense. I had got into a fight with some random guy with dreadlocks and ended up pushing Scott around after he called Heather a skank or something. But by the time we packed up to leave, Heather and I knew we liked each other.

We started hanging out and partying with everyone. We would go to the all age clubs together like we were already a couple. Then finally I got wasted at one of the clubs. Drinking in the parking lot of course because they don't serve. I ended up knocking out one of the kids that brought her down to the beach that night because he liked her to begin with. So the security threw me out but I wasn't having it because she was still inside. So I punched the owner in the face. That didn't go over well. Security dragged me down the stairs and roughed me up a bit. I'm pretty sure one of them put out a cigarette butt out on my arm. They then called police because I kept trying to get back in. I eventually made it home with her and some friends. I was so drunk I asked my mom if she could stay. Oddly she allowed it and we finally got down to it. It was almost like losing my virginity but some 15 year old Scallywag had molested me when I was 12. Anyways I liked it and now we were official. Probably one of the worst mistakes my mom made raising me was letting her sleep over. We would rinse/repeat the same activities all summer long. She would throw in some ecstasy occasionally which was my first real contact with drugs. I was only a drinker and didn't even smoke.

So summer ended and I was 17 heading into senior year of high school. She lived at my house and didn't go to school. Pretty soon I was there with her. I mean who wants to wake up in the morning and bang there hot girlfriend then have to go to school after. Plus we were staying up late doing the the same thing. My friend Wins from the other story also dropped out and decided it was time to make it official for me. Wins and I had stayed up all night at my house drinking with another girl who had dropped out and it was a school night. We ended up running a train on her and didn't sleep. I had made up my mind and decided to turn my books in. So all 3 of us hop in my truck and I drop the girl off at home. Its 9am and I pull up front of the high school. I head into the main office and it is taking a little bit to make formal. In the meantime I look out the window and the cops have Wins outside the truck. I head outside to see what's going on and apparently he brought the bottle we were drinking and was flashing it to the other kids in class through the window. This didn't turn out so well considering we both had warrants. We got cuffed and put in the cruiser. The vice principal drove my truck and parked it which was hilarious because I had a 2000 Chevy Extreme all hooked up. Lowered, system, rims, light kit, the works. I ended up getting released from court because my warrant was bull****. Wins headed to county.

Now Heather and I weren't good for each other. We were already bad in our own ways and compounded each other. We went through major shoplifting sprees. Insane drug/drinking binges. We would also catch each other cheating. Me more than her, but she was terrible also. I cans still remember when she had a friend from her hometown that I never met before. She used her phone to call me and we ended up arguing and she told me that they were both going out for the night with new guys. She was bluffing I found out when I called the phone back and her friend said that Heather went home. I ended up sweet talking this girl that I never met before to come hang out with me, her friends boyfriend. I banged her that night. I was living pretty reckless. I was fighting alot over her. We fought so much it was sickening. She would be driving and pull over the car to tell me to get out. I wouldn't and she would call the cops. The cop would get there and say "not you two again". He then told her if she didn't like me she shouldn't have picked me up and told her to take me home or we both were getting arrested.

I don't have enough time this year to write every fight we had but I definitely got arrested a good amount of times because of her. She also loved to smash things. I can remember her sitting out front of my mothers house at midnight laying on the horn. Her getting physical with my mom and falling down a flight of stairs. She even broke a beer bottle over my head one night and I had to get stitches. I did my fair share of terrorizing her too. We were just the worst combination ever.

Eventually all my arrests were catching up to me. Between the domestics and my assault and battery's from fighting downtown, that the court was sick of me. The final day of freedom in summer of 2002. I had started off the day by beating up Mike from the video pretty bad. Heather had me at an all-time rage. I'm pretty sure she was dating an older kid and I couldn't take it. Plus I was mad at Mike for not telling me where a kid I bailed out for $1k was hiding out at. So I got drunk and headed downtown to the clubs. I got into a fight at a bar and was drunk and out numbered. I went to my truck and grabbed a can of pepper spray I had bought at the beach. I walked back to the club and sprayed everyone standing out front. I ended up being chased and hopped in a car with some strangers. I had them take me to the apartment Heather and I had. I wasn't suppose to be there because one night she decided she wanted to have some guys over and didn't want me there. I refused and she called the cops. So I was given a trespass notice. Anyway I went in and broke a few things. She got home and called the cops. They arrived and woke me up and hauled me off. I got sentenced to 6 months in jail.

While I was in there she would write and visit . We talked on the phone alot and were working things out. She wanted me to prove I wanted her and told me to get her name tattooed on me while I was in jail. I'm crazy but not stupid. I told her I would and whenever they called me for a visit, I would draw her name down my forearm in kind of ghetto writing with a black pen. I would lift my sleeve and flash it to her but said that I couldn't get caught because I could get in trouble for getting one. Another problem was she didn't have me out there to hustle up money so I did what any good boyfriend would do. I told her to strip. She was good at it and made alot of money. She was probably sucking dick for it but who the **** knows. Well good thing was she kept my commissary full and had like $4k worth of gifts for me for Christmas time when I got out on parole. I got out and I was happy with the money and gifts. I was really just happy to be out, but I had a ankle monitor on and had a curfew for my mothers house. She also tattooed my name on the top of her foot and wasn't happy about mine being fake. She kept stripping nights and I had people over to party with me. She caught me banging another girl one of those nights and I ended up violating parole after 2 weeks for drinking. I was back in jail and sentenced to an additional 6 months.

That was pretty much the end of us. I did bang her right when I got out the next summer, and a handful of times after that. But I found the girl I'm with now pretty quickly and got over her. She has 2 kids with 2 different guys now. Don't think she works and has gained weight. I'm so glad she got the 3 abortions she did.


This was a polaroid that I scanned. Was also at her strip club when they were taking photos with some porn star.

Keep them coming, this one was kinda average (just because I mostly like the real degen stuff) but I rather have you tell the full story!

There must be something wrong with me man, I'm not even bad looking and I have only ****ed 2 girls (20 years old) Sounds like you have really filled up your younger years.

Ya all my stories are different and vary. Just felt that giving some background on me and different stages of my life helps for future stories. I tried to sum up that 3 year relationship as short a possible.

U gotta be loose aggressive

This is where the sh*t started. Ever seen the movie Psycho?

Ya I always thought the name was funny because of that and never forgot it. I just googled it to see if I could find photos. I found some of the worst rated trip advisor reports possible and then this http://www.seacoastonline.com/articl...cid=sitesearch] I'm just about positive my friends and I were the bulk of the complaint. This place was far from strip and a dump so it didn't get much business. I mean 4th of July weekend they were pretty much vacant. We also returned to same place for about 5 more trips the rest of summer and every time we did there wasn't really anyone else there.

There is so much utter **** on the internet.

But once, once every so very very rarely, you get something amazing like this thread and it makes it all worthwhile.

bravo sir...please continue subbed and 5 stars obv

What are you doing with your life right now op?

Been going through some ridiculous things, but contemplating cleaning up my act. But until then I am playing poker, sports betting, drinking, and doing some normal activities. Also being a degenerate .