Originally Posted by gibbo1969
I've always been a gambler. Since the age of about 12 I can remember playing fruit machines at lunch time. I'd take my pocket money and head down the local cafe where I'd plough every penny I'd got into them.
If I won I'd go back to school telling everyone how I'd caned the machines, never mentioning the days when I'd go without lunch because I'd blown the lot.
As I grew older it got worse. I got a job and that was my cue. I'd blow my wages in no time on machines.
Then the worst thing that could have happened, happened. I met up with a bloke who loved horse racing. I started by following him around the betting shops, watching him spunk away his wages, but I was enthralled. I ended up having a go myself, and guess what.. i won.. Yes, I could pick the winners. So I began to bet bigger. Only now the luck wasn't with me. Slowly but surely my losses were more than my winnings, but I couldn't stop. I had to keep going. One big hit and I'd be laughing..
My fiancee at the time knew nothing, and I bet every single penny I could get on horses or fruit machines. I'd blow my months salary in a matter of hours. Bills started to go unpaid, letters were piling up in drawers. I hit it all from her. I took out credit cards, loans, I borrowed money from friends. Anything I could get to gamble, I would get it. I pawned posessions. I stole money from work ( which they to this day never knew about ). I borrowed from friends, family, strangers. I used every conceivable excuse you can imagine to get money.
I even went so low as to steal flowers from a graveyard, when I'd blown the last £10 I had on a horse race, and I was supposed to buy flowers for my wifes nans funeral.
I had absolutely no shame at all.
Eventually it all came on top, and the mortgage company called in the mortgage. I'd known about it for months, but did nothing at all. Just kept spending. Friends began to disapper as I got known for being a scrounger and a liar.
It all came to a head when I could no longer hide it from my family. The bank were reposessing my house in three days. Rather than face the music I put on my coat, walked down the road, stuck out my thumb and hitch hiked to London. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't care about my wife (we'd now married ) or my family. I just wanted it all to go away. The problem was, it wasn't going away.
I got into London and walked around aimlessly. I remember walking over tower bridge, looking down at the water and thinking "I'd be better off dead.. they'd all be better off if I were dead, and I thought about taking a leap. One problem, I am a gutless coward, and couldn't bring myself to do it.
The day went on, and I walked about begging money off people to buy a packet of cigarettes or something to eat. I remember standing outside a bank wondering if it was worth pretending to have a gun and stealing some money. Again, I didn't have the balls.
Eventually I sat outside the houses of pariliament and it dawned on me. I broke into tears and sat sobbing like a baby for what must have been an hour. A policeman came up to me asking what was wrong, and I blurted the whole story out. How I'd lied, cheated, stole, and lost the house my wife and I had spent so long trying to save up for.
He called for a police car, and they took me to a police station. I was made to ring my parents at 1am in the morning, waking them up. I had to explain everything on the phone to them, where I was, what was happening.
They drove to pick me up, and when they arrived at the police station, they didn't say a word. they didn't have to. I could see how hurt they were. As we drove home I couildn't speak to them. I just sat looking out the window thinking what an absolute let down of a son I was.
Then came the really hard part. I had to sit and tell my wife what I'd done. How I'd gambled away every single penny we had. We didn't have anywhere to go, we had no home ( or we wouldn't have in 48 hours ).
I sat waiting for the dreaded words "its over.. I am leaving". But she didn't say them. She just burst into tears and said "we can get through it".
God my heart was breaking. How could I have done this to her. I vowed there and then that I would never do it again, and to this day I've never played a fruit machine or bet on a horse again.
I play poker, which she doesn't like, but she accepts, and every deposit I make is made with her knowing how much its for and where the money is coming from. If theres bills to pay then I go without my poker. Simple as that.
Yes I've pissed away my bankrolls stupidly. I've had good times, I've had bad times, but everytime I get to the stage where I contemplate chasing my winnings, or risking more than I can really afford, I close my eyes and picture the look on my wifes face when I had to tell her I'd gambled away her house, her pride and joy.. then I take a step back.
We've been married almost 18 years now, we have the most wonderful son you can imagine, and I know for a fact that I don't deserve all the good things I've got in life. A good job, a nice house, a marvellous wife and son.. I could and should have lost the lot that night back in 1996.
I've been as degen as you can possibly get. I've cheated, I've lied, I've begged, I've borrowed and I've stolen. I am not proud of what I've done, but I am proud to say that with the greatest wife anyone could ever have, I've come through the other side, and if anyone reading this is heading down that path, then please for the love of god, stop.... If not for yourselves, for your family... Its true what they say. you never learn till you hit rock bottom..
