10/10 look forward to more.

Now we are cooking!

Highlights;
1. "Russian or Bulgarian or whatever"
2. "Freeroll to paradise"
3. Martingale getting the job done.

"I felt really connected to her and was thinking about how maybe in a different life we could have dated and see where it went, and she wouldn't be doing anal for money at 5am in the morning."

Lol, hookers.

All I was thinking about at that time was Mrs. Julia Roberts..oh so fine for a hooker.

Alright, so as I said in my last post I'm lucky to have not lost my girlfriend (we have been togethet 4 years now) but really the reason for that is a funny story in its self. So we left maine on Christmas night to miss a large snow storm that was supposed to hit us, drove for ten hours to a casino in upstate New York called the turning stone...yes every stop we made from maine to LV was a casino... Stayed there a few nights and proceeded to Hammond Indiana where there is a horseshoe casino. Problem is they don't have a hotel in the casino and the town it's self is a ****hole. We hold up in a motel 8 for a night and I play some 2/5. Action was incredible!! I think in 6 hours I bagged up a 2k win. So I convince the team we need to stay another night or 2 so I can "punish the locals" day 2 same deal. I run up a few k at the $500 cap 2/5 move to the 5/10 and finish the day up about $4,000. Things are looking up right... Wrong!

That storm we left early to miss,is now hitting Chicago, and it's one of the worst in years. We are stuck. Our plans to do New Years in vegas are thwarted, So we Decided whatever we will wait out the storm, get drunk, live off White Castle for a week and head out after New Years. On New Year's Day, at 10:00am we pop over to the horseshoe and grab some quick breakfast. Then are going to go back to the hotel and shower and change and all that. We get to the horseshoe eat and on our way out the door ahhh A black jack single deck shoe, how nice, "want to make some 21s? Babe" her reply as she looks herself up and down "not really" she's wearing a valor pagama jumpsuit. Ahhh Ill just play a few hands. I sit down with $200 in green, $25 min table play about 20 min when dude sits and starts FORCEING us to drink lots of patron with him at 11:30am. I've never met this dude but he's very aggressive and very persuading. We are at that table for no less then 4 hours getting **** housed. I lose $1500. Finally I get away only to discover a Mississippi stud table. I have never seen Mississippi stud before but small Asian lady has about $15,000 infront of her mostly in blacks. How hard can it be? I take a seat. For those of you who haven't played the ol M STUD it's great! It's slow moving, super addicting and literally impossible to ever win at. My GF is blackout drunk and doesn't give a **** what I do at this point. so I fire off 3 dimes at this game,that I have no clue how to play, but am pretty sure I'm going to make a royal for 50,000. Somehow I peel myself off from the M STUD table with a few bucks left and convince the Gf to sweat me play 5/10 and recoupe the $4500 I just dumped in the Pitts, "is there booze?" Yes... "Well ok then." So I play poker for a few hours. But I'm hammered! Prolly close to a Zero % chance I'm going to win. Plus I'm a stone cold Alcoholic so there's also a zero % chance I stop ordering booze...

Around 1:00am my GF try's to compliment a cocktail waitress on her outfit (lol) but can't talk because of the 7 gallons of patron she has ingested, waitress tells floor, floor tells security,and security tells us we need to leave the premises. Just as well, I've officially given back the $5500 I had made plus $1000 or so. Let me rack up my chips and bounce! As I'm standing in line at the cashiers cage a floor man sprints up to me. "Dude you better go get your girl she's freaking out!" O ****, I hand him my chips run out to the entrance of the poker room, and find her in hand cuffs, SNORTING very loudly at the cops trying to kick them. whoops. She gets brought to jail, bail set at $2500 cash which obv I come up with. Spends the night in the drunk tank, and gets charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and asulting an officer... Court date set for February 21st!!! So naturally she couldn't leave me on feb 14th, needed my ass and that's how long term relationships last...

more stories insta plz, sweat'n dale!

I'm glad you are enjoying them. this will prolly be a 2 part story...

After the team gets settled down completely it's the beginning of April, and I'm ready to get on my grind in full! But what's this? o yeah there's variance in poker, and lots of it!!! So just because I think I'm done GIVING my money away doesn't mean I'm going to make any. By October I have $2500 to my name and I'm freaking out a little. Vegas isn't a bad town to bartend in, which is what I did before poker, but **** that, who wants to work for some other prick? I decide I'm going to take 7 shots at the deepstack tournaments that were coming up. At the time they were $340 buy ins. if I bricked I'd work till I could save up 10k and get back at it. Well lucky me, I win the first one i play for $27,000!! Woohoo what a relief. That's not all. I crush a little cash, then in December I ship the 6max wsopc event for another $25,000, YES! Then run deep and cash in the main event. Plus I have 20% of guy who comes in 10th. In 5 weeks I've gone from $2500 to just over $60,000 and climing.

You'd think I'd just relax for a bit, wait for the series to come to town make some money in cash, and maybe take a shot at the main event. But nope, I'm a degen and need a rush! I had aquired 70 wsopc points and think it would be cool to fallow the circuit for 3 months or so and try to get into the 10k freeroll. So that's what we do. My BFf and my GF leave their jobs and we hit the road again. This time 100% on my dollar.

Our plan is to fly to Atlantic city, do the circuit there, buy a car from a resurched lot, drive to Foxwoods stay the weekend there. Then shoot up to maine, have my buddy's cuz look over the car(he's a macanic) see the fam then to council bluffs Iowa, st Luis, black halwk CO cuz we love it! New Orleans then LV to win a bracelet.

We're off. 6 hours later we are at the Philly airport trying to get into our rent a car. But... They don't take cash WTF? The card we used to book car no longer has a balance that can cover cost. I'm only 24yo. Turning 25 in, no joke, 24hours, and my girl dosnt have a credit card. (Long way of saying we can't rent one) so whatever we will taxie to the car lot I saw online and get a car today! $50 and hour later we arrive in the ghetto. 3 white kids, 2 bags each. 15k in my pocket arrive at a lot full of beat up, what look to be stollen cars. This is not a car dealer ship, this is a tralor, with no bathroom, sitting amongst 100 pieces of ****, who's owners play the guy a % to let him leave thier jalopies there. Sun is setting, tralor is closing, no chance we are buyin anything that runs for under 3k and to top it off when my girl asked to use the restroom they point her out side behind a dumpster and say "just be carful of the rotwhiler!" **** this! I haven't slept in close to 30 hours I'm paying go cab ride to AC. We call cab and $200 2.5 hours later we are in AC.

Once in AC it doesn't get much better, the golden nugget is under construction, they think it would be cute to put us in a room right next to where they are sanding the wallpaper off. Unbearable noise! We snap change hotels after one night but I had to put that in here cuz it was that bad! Anyway. I turn it around a little making a FT at Omaha 0/8 finishing 3rd earning myself 7k and another 25 or so circut points. I'm sitting on about 65k give or take, and it's time to escape from AC. We make a sketchy ass deal on the side of the pike in AC with some dude for his old Lincoln, buying it for $2500 cash on the spot. I'd like to say dummest thing ever but...

So we got the car, we got more points, we got cash, we are on a roll. We pile in our gear, turn away from city and drive 5 minutes when we get a strong lesson in karma! Packed real tight like sardeans we have little room, but I've got this obnoxious KFC cup between my legs! My buddy's driving I'm sitting shotty. **** it I think. **** AC. **** NJ **** the stupid pike, **** Philly **** em! And I toss the cup out the window. Of corse my buddy looks in his rearview and not at the red light ahead.!.!. Well anyway that was the first major accident I've ever been in. T boned some poor old whore all but totaling buddy's newly bought car. Cops show up. Do we have insurence? NO. do we have registration? NO. license? We have a maine one but we live in LV. Ok well good news is the plates on this car belong to a red Mercedes Benz. Exilent, more jail time...

DDDDDDegen.

I like your story, but you should work on your writing-style!

Yeah sorry, obv not an English major! Plus typing from IPhone. I'll try to spit this one out as fast and as clear as I can.
No jail time was actually served, but it did take over a week to straighten everything out, it was very expensive! We continued to Foxwoods where I bricked everything, including cash games, and lost close to $4000. Stoped home for a few days, then trucked all the way to council bluffs Iowa for more wsopc. This is where the true Degen kicked in. I think it was the 3rd tournament I play in Iowa I get 3rd in a NL for about 7k. + it puts my point total at 135.5. According to the guy who runs the circuit this is more then enough points to get into the freeroll. Weee! I did it it think. I celebrate by loosing 5gs on the Texas Holdem floor game. It's a fun game, real swingy, and what's 5 grand to a ***** like me could you Plz remind me? After my small DS in the Pitts I play some 5-5 PLO. For me it might as well be a Pitt game, I'm an officiant 0/8 player but PLo I'm not that good at. Another $-4000. Back to BJ, whoops -$7000. Then I brick another 3-4 tournaments including main event twice. -$4000. At this point I'm thinking I have the points. I'm hemriging money, might as well just head home. So that's what we do. We skip st. Luis to head home...

I couldnt make this **** up. Leaving iowa we get pulled over on the highway by a K9 unit. They later told us the only reason they pulled us over was because we were driving a "sketchy" old car with NJ plates whos bummper was falling off. Fair enough. We have pot in the car, they have a drug sniffig dog, dispite all my recent losing i still have $7000 on my person. Im about 40lbs overweight with ripped jeans and a staind wife beater on. Im unshaven as always, and im sure i look like i havent slept in a month. Needless to say i get cuffed and stuffed! fortuenetly for me they were the coolest cops on the planet. they ripped our car apart only finding a "usable amount" they clearly stated they were looking for large amounts of drugs and money. 7k and an 8th didnt cut it, we get to drive on. Very scary 2 hours though.

now dispite all the bad luck we MUST still stop in black hawlk CO cuz we LOVE it! They have a 30-60 1/2 kill limit hold em game that's to die for up there! It runs around the clock, full of Asian business owners who just love to gooommmbullll! I put in about 12 hours in that game and Got stuck another 5k. bummer. Back to vegas to relax and grind cash, waiting for series to start. A month or so goes by when I look at the player standings of the WSOPC, I'm still in but the "100 points" that the dude told me would qualify is not even close, I'm in danger of not qualifying and the only stop left is New Orleans... I miss the cut by 2.5 points, 1 min cash, bubble boy on the qualifying list and don't even get to play the 10k freeroll!!! WHAT A DEGEN I AM! anyway thanks for reading and sorry again that I'm illiterate. Now lets all hope I win a bracelet this year so I can have lots and lots of money to squander!

lolololol

This is a degen thread and the man is delivering quality stories. Gtfo.

Continuation of the trip from my last post
-----------------------------------------------------

Part 2: - It's Raining Biggies

Friday - am. Somewhere in inner suburban Melbourne

Barge says, “I can’t do it to you”
I breathe a sigh of relief but stay in character, “why the **** not? Gimme my $150”
“What if you have a heart attack? Or stop breathing or something?”
I suggest we do it back at the hotel. Barge agrees and we discuss how much money we can extract from the other 2 guys for the dare.

We flag a cab and head back to our hotel. At one point a police car went screaming by us with the sirens going. The cab driver looked a little worried when both me and barge riding in the back seat immediately dropped below the window line and started swearing. Once the car got ahead of us we started giggling again.

We get back to the hotel and the guys are in hotel restaurant having breakfast. Barge and me walk in and pull up a chair at their table. We look like hobos and Barge has a small shiner developing under one of his eyes.
It’s probably worth introducing the other two characters at this stage. Don and Bray. We are all poker players with the exception of Barge. Don was making a lot of money at the time and was footing the bill for the hotel as he was often inclined to do. Bray was just another MTT fish much like myself.

We get back to one of our rooms. I’m ready to pass out in bed but Barge wants to do the pepper spray thing. He explains to the other guys that I’m prepared to do it for $100 each. The other guys agree straight away. I interject “No, Barge, I said I’d do it for $500”
Don immediately agrees to foot the difference a long as he gets to do the spraying. ****! I think I could have gone for more.

We run the shower and move into the bathroom. I’ve stripped to my underwear and I’m starting to panic a bit. Don is looking forward to this far too much. Complete contrast to Barge who was worried about me, I can see that Don is going to enjoy this.

We stand there for a minute just looking at each other. Then Don starts screaming at me
“Freeze mother****er!!!! POLICE!!! Put your hands where I can see them!!”
I stutter for a second and then burst out
“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE YOU ****ING PIG!!!!!”
All of a sudden I’m on my knees. My face is burning and it feels like there are spikes in my eyes. My eyes are closed and I can’t and don’t want to open them. I can vaguely hear hysterical laughter in the background. Water starts shooting out of my nose and mouth. I’m determined not to scream and try to push the pain aside. It’s no good I feel like I can’t breathe properly and I’m starting to hyperventilate.

I feel myself being lifted from the floor and I feel running cold water. On my body. Someone has grabbed the hair on the back of my head and is holding my face up to the water. Now not only are my eyes and face burning like the pits of hell, I feel like I’m being water boarded. I can’t breathe and start to panic. I’m flailing my arms and legs around to get loose. I crash down on the tiles on my hands and knees and start vomiting. I try opening my eyes and get a second or two of blurred vison and then they involuntarily clamp down again. A hand grabs me by the shoulder and I hear one of them telling me to get my face under the water. I slap the hand away and scream a tirade of obscenities. They back off to let me suffer the way I want to.

After some time I clean my face up again and manage to open my eyes. My vision is ****ed and my eyes are red and puffed. I stumble into bed and lay ther shivering for what seemed like eternity. tears stream from my eyes and nose every few minutes. I have no idea how long I lay there but eventually I drifted off to sleep.

I wake some time in the afternoon and feel like I’ve been put through a mincer. I’m fatigued, hungover and have had my ****ing face pepper sprayed. There’s a message on my phone that Don and Bray are at a bar drinking and trying to locate tickets for the F1. Barge is sleeping in the other bed in this room.

I sit around for a while with the most insane headache I’ve ever had. Eventually Barge gets up and we get ready and go to meet the guys. My eyes are still ****ed up and I look like I’m constantly about to start crying.
We meet the guys for dinner and drinks and head off to a bar. We end up heading off down St Kilda Rd. We’re drinking at a European style pub located within the gounds of the Royal Society for the Blind funnily enough. There was a small pub and out the front was a huge grassed area where they were also selling beers and food. We settle in and start downing beers.

My hangover/brawling/capsicum headache is still around and I figure I need to drink it away. There are hot women everywhere. A lot of locals but tonnes of tourists who are obviously here for the race on Sunday. We get talking to some very gorgeous and very obviously rich French women but it leads nowhere. I’m still feeling sorry for myself and decide then and there that I’m getting laid tonight.

I have no shame when it comes to banging randoms. Whenever I set out to get laid I usually do. It has nothing to do with being a player or being particularly good looking. I’ve merely worked out the system. As long as you can handle the rejection you have an easy option. You start at the top of the food chain and work your way down. Find a hotty, try your luck. Get rejected, find a slightly lower grade. Then start moving on the average looking women and finally the fat chicks and ugly ones. I learned a long time ago that they all feel the same and when you’re drinking heavily you usually don’t remember a lot anyway. Hot chicks are good for girlfriends, but when you’re out of town you may as well go for anything you can get.

Sample guide below. Feel free to print it out and carry it in your wallet. Next time you’re at a bar just take it out to identify targets and start on the left hand side and work right. If you reach the end of the scale and still can't get lucky I can provide a double-sided guide on request but I would suggest working on your game as you really don’t want to see the other side.

[IMG]http://s8.************/vupb2aar9/The_Ruler.jpg[/IMG]

We continue drinking over the coming hours. I have a few failed attempts at some tourists but it doesn’t end anywhere. Aiming too high and a few language barriers work against me. While getting a beer I find myself randomly talking to a girl in line. She’s got a somewhat not totally ugly face, but is pretty fat. I invite her over for a drink and she and her equally unimpressive friend come over to see the guys. After some more drinks this girl is a total lock and I consider just calling it a night and heading back with her.

The girls are locals and want to go to a pub that some of their friends are at. I know what time it is, she’s wanting to parade me around in front of her friends like the trophy that I am. I am now fantasising about getting back to the hotel with my friends and my hotel room becoming a writhing mass of fat women. So many of them I just have no idea who or what I’m laying on or touching anymore. There are a significant amount of drugs in our hotel room and I can see endless possibilities here.

I snap out of my daydream and back to reality. We’re in a taxi bus headed to this pub in South Melbourne (Port Melbourne??) maybe. We pull up and everyone starts filing out. I’m last in and my date is second last out of the bus. As everyone files out I grab her hand and pull her back to her seat. I slide the door closed on the taxivan and tell the driver “one more stop buddy.” The taxi pulls away and I see my mates laughing. The fat friend is looking horrified as we pull away and the last I saw of her she was shambling down the middle of the road behind us like a much slower but infinitely funnier version of Terminator 2.

We arrive at the hotel. On my way through the lobby there’s a cute girl working the desk. I throw her a wink through one of my puffy eyes and laugh as I lead my victim to the elevators. It’s only now that I realise that It’s only 9:30pm and the night is early. This means I shouldn’t expect any company for quite some time.

We enter the room and I flick on the lights. I’m not as drunk as I feel I should be for this. I pour some drinks and neck a few swigs of straight scotch from the bottle. We smoke a joint together and make some small talk. I remember her being quite boring and actually kind of a jerk. I fantasise once again, but this time it’s about having sex with her while spraying her with the capsicum spray. Too far, too far… best to get those thoughts in check now or this could get out of hand.

We start to get cosy, it’s pretty gross and she keeps stopping me from taking off her clothes. Eventually she tells me to turn out the lights.
“Of course my dear”
I flick the switch and it begins.

Welcome to hell.

^ Part 3 ASAP

Pics of Girlfreind?

I don't just throw the word "HERO" around lightly, but sweat is FAWESOME with his cliffhangers and natural storytelling ability....
AND VISUAL AIDS!
printed out the guide
I made up a new word in his honor

lowowol-this is for when you start laffing and a wow comes out in the middle....

yeah, hes that inspirational.....

C'Mon Sweat More!!!! This is great. Keep it up. I can't wait for part 3. Today maybe?

Awesome, part 3 please

OMG, this SweatOnMySkin Guy is killig me. Top class stuff, bursting put laughing and giggling numero's timers. TwoPlusTwo entertainment like Ive never read before. A new legend had risen!

Typing on IPad btw, excuse spelling and grammer.

That takes some f(cking big balls to get sprayed with pepper spray! 500 ain't worth it!

I would do it for $500 in a second.

cant wait for part 3

oh and a degen story for the thread, i was playing poker with my dad, regular monthly session where we would take turns for depositing $100 and playing mtt's way above the bank roll, $11 and $22, we will take 20 hands each, i spent the entire time betting on asian football, got down a grand after 3 hours, rang my bank and reported all the transactions as fraudulent, got £1020 back, then degened it away in 2 days on seperate betting site. over 2.5/ is crap!!

have gone £10 to £2000 many a time but this is standard, first time ive ****ed over a site claiming i never made a deposit!

hero