Created Victory Song When I Beat Someone Headsup
07-09-2009
, 06:15 PM
My humble contribution to the greatest thread ever. Enjoy.
Sit down, pour a drink,
I’ve a story to tell
‘Bout a villain who plays
Heads-Up 50 NL.
I’d been crushing the game,
Had a big winning session.
Zigging and zagging
With guile and aggression.
Just fifteen more minutes
‘Fore hitting the sack,
When a new guy sat in,
With a full fifty stack.
We traded some pots
But then I flopped three threes.
A bet, raise and call
Just as fast as you please.
On the turn he snap-called
The huge bet that I made,
But then donk-shoved the river,
Which had brought the third spade.
I called and he showed down
A flush, seven-high,
And then raked in the chips.
“Just keep chasing,” thought I.
Then shrugged and reloaded -
I’m used to hard knocks.
But that’s when these words
Popped up in the chat box:
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
I JUST TOOK YOUR MONEY
I TOOK IT, AND HOW!
COULD HAVE USED IT FOR FOOD
BUT NOW I’VE GOT YOUR FIDDY!
THINK I’LL CASH IT AND RUB-
RUB-RUB-RUB ON MY T1TTY!
My jaw hit the ground.
I bit off a retort.
No need to trade barbs
With this douchey poor sport.
I’d get it all back
Plus more with no guilt.
Takes more than one beat
To put this pro on tilt.
Didn’t have to wait long…
Made a big overbet…
But top pair no good…
This time HE had the set.
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
IT LOOKS LIKE I’VE FOUND
A PERSONAL CASH COW!
YOU THINK I’M A DONKEY,
YOU THINK I’M A NOOB.
BUT WITH TWO FIDDY DOLLARS,
I’VE GOT ONE FOR EACH BOOB!
Did he really say that?
Was this some kind of joke?
That’s one more full buy-in
To go up in smoke!
No worries, he’d find out
With whom he’d been messin’.
‘Twas time to dig in,
Teach this A-hole a lesson!
I asked him to open
One more table or two.
Can’t lose since he’s playing
81 / 62!
In ten minutes things
Went from awful to worst
And another three buy-ins
Had followed the first.
Who was this fool,
This lunatic punk?
Was he cheating somehow?
Was he high? Was he drunk?
My suited Ace-Queen,
Got run down by Ace-Deuce.
Had to listen again
To his verbal abuse.
Gnashing my teeth,
I tried to ignore
The bile coming from
This delusional whore.
But my bluffs got picked off,
And my traps went unsprung.
Until finally I just
Could not hold my tongue.
So far I’d played nice,
Remained civil til’ now.
But I’d had quite enough
Of his dumb “BING BLANG BLAOW!”
“You $%@#-sucking *&^#!
Your mother’s a %@&!
I’ll find you – I’ll cut you
For your little stunt!”
My fingers were shaking.
I typed out more curses.
But he only responded
With those juvenile verses:
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE,
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
GOT ENOUGH OF YOUR DOUGH
FOR A HOOKER BY NOW!
REQUEST FOR THE CASH,
A QUICK TRIP TO THE BANK,
AND THEN I’LL BE BANGIN’
TANISHA THE SKANK!
My descent into madness
Then got out of hand.
By the time it was dawn
I’d lost more than a grand.
He finally quit,
And I staggered to bed.
But no sleep did I get
With that song in my head.
An entire month’s profits -
Flushed down the tube!
Or rather, got rubbed
On this maniac’s boob.
Let this be a lesson,
Don’t play in a haze.
Control your emotions…
And avoid the Ch3ckraise.
Sit down, pour a drink,
I’ve a story to tell
‘Bout a villain who plays
Heads-Up 50 NL.
I’d been crushing the game,
Had a big winning session.
Zigging and zagging
With guile and aggression.
Just fifteen more minutes
‘Fore hitting the sack,
When a new guy sat in,
With a full fifty stack.
We traded some pots
But then I flopped three threes.
A bet, raise and call
Just as fast as you please.
On the turn he snap-called
The huge bet that I made,
But then donk-shoved the river,
Which had brought the third spade.
I called and he showed down
A flush, seven-high,
And then raked in the chips.
“Just keep chasing,” thought I.
Then shrugged and reloaded -
I’m used to hard knocks.
But that’s when these words
Popped up in the chat box:
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
I JUST TOOK YOUR MONEY
I TOOK IT, AND HOW!
COULD HAVE USED IT FOR FOOD
BUT NOW I’VE GOT YOUR FIDDY!
THINK I’LL CASH IT AND RUB-
RUB-RUB-RUB ON MY T1TTY!
My jaw hit the ground.
I bit off a retort.
No need to trade barbs
With this douchey poor sport.
I’d get it all back
Plus more with no guilt.
Takes more than one beat
To put this pro on tilt.
Didn’t have to wait long…
Made a big overbet…
But top pair no good…
This time HE had the set.
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
IT LOOKS LIKE I’VE FOUND
A PERSONAL CASH COW!
YOU THINK I’M A DONKEY,
YOU THINK I’M A NOOB.
BUT WITH TWO FIDDY DOLLARS,
I’VE GOT ONE FOR EACH BOOB!
Did he really say that?
Was this some kind of joke?
That’s one more full buy-in
To go up in smoke!
No worries, he’d find out
With whom he’d been messin’.
‘Twas time to dig in,
Teach this A-hole a lesson!
I asked him to open
One more table or two.
Can’t lose since he’s playing
81 / 62!
In ten minutes things
Went from awful to worst
And another three buy-ins
Had followed the first.
Who was this fool,
This lunatic punk?
Was he cheating somehow?
Was he high? Was he drunk?
My suited Ace-Queen,
Got run down by Ace-Deuce.
Had to listen again
To his verbal abuse.
Gnashing my teeth,
I tried to ignore
The bile coming from
This delusional whore.
But my bluffs got picked off,
And my traps went unsprung.
Until finally I just
Could not hold my tongue.
So far I’d played nice,
Remained civil til’ now.
But I’d had quite enough
Of his dumb “BING BLANG BLAOW!”
“You $%@#-sucking *&^#!
Your mother’s a %@&!
I’ll find you – I’ll cut you
For your little stunt!”
My fingers were shaking.
I typed out more curses.
But he only responded
With those juvenile verses:
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE,
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
GOT ENOUGH OF YOUR DOUGH
FOR A HOOKER BY NOW!
REQUEST FOR THE CASH,
A QUICK TRIP TO THE BANK,
AND THEN I’LL BE BANGIN’
TANISHA THE SKANK!
My descent into madness
Then got out of hand.
By the time it was dawn
I’d lost more than a grand.
He finally quit,
And I staggered to bed.
But no sleep did I get
With that song in my head.
An entire month’s profits -
Flushed down the tube!
Or rather, got rubbed
On this maniac’s boob.
Let this be a lesson,
Don’t play in a haze.
Control your emotions…
And avoid the Ch3ckraise.
07-09-2009
, 06:30 PM
07-09-2009
, 08:28 PM
I SPIT HOT FIYADA CHARK IN DA HOUSE
DA CHARK IS HUUUUUUUUUUNGRY
HUNGRY FOR YOUR MONEEEEEEEEY
07-09-2009
, 09:09 PM
But I found a web app to do fake crop circle messages for you...
http://www.mapmsg.com/send/cropcircle/
Man I'm helpful.
This story is genius, hilarious, and a PERFECT copy of the Seuss style. well done. It should be xtranormalled at the minimum.
Last edited by jroc3fitty; 07-09-2009 at 09:15 PM.
07-09-2009
, 09:13 PM
07-09-2009
, 11:10 PM
Quote:
My humble contribution to the greatest thread ever. Enjoy.
Sit down, pour a drink,
I’ve a story to tell
‘Bout a villain who plays
Heads-Up 50 NL.
I’d been crushing the game,
Had a big winning session.
Zigging and zagging
With guile and aggression.
Just fifteen more minutes
‘Fore hitting the sack,
When a new guy sat in,
With a full fifty stack.
We traded some pots
But then I flopped three threes.
A bet, raise and call
Just as fast as you please.
On the turn he snap-called
The huge bet that I made,
But then donk-shoved the river,
Which had brought the third spade.
I called and he showed down
A flush, seven-high,
And then raked in the chips.
“Just keep chasing,” thought I.
Then shrugged and reloaded -
I’m used to hard knocks.
But that’s when these words
Popped up in the chat box:
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
I JUST TOOK YOUR MONEY
I TOOK IT, AND HOW!
COULD HAVE USED IT FOR FOOD
BUT NOW I’VE GOT YOUR FIDDY!
THINK I’LL CASH IT AND RUB-
RUB-RUB-RUB ON MY T1TTY!
My jaw hit the ground.
I bit off a retort.
No need to trade barbs
With this douchey poor sport.
I’d get it all back
Plus more with no guilt.
Takes more than one beat
To put this pro on tilt.
Didn’t have to wait long…
Made a big overbet…
But top pair no good…
This time HE had the set.
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
IT LOOKS LIKE I’VE FOUND
A PERSONAL CASH COW!
YOU THINK I’M A DONKEY,
YOU THINK I’M A NOOB.
BUT WITH TWO FIDDY DOLLARS,
I’VE GOT ONE FOR EACH BOOB!
Did he really say that?
Was this some kind of joke?
That’s one more full buy-in
To go up in smoke!
No worries, he’d find out
With whom he’d been messin’.
‘Twas time to dig in,
Teach this A-hole a lesson!
I asked him to open
One more table or two.
Can’t lose since he’s playing
81 / 62!
In ten minutes things
Went from awful to worst
And another three buy-ins
Had followed the first.
Who was this fool,
This lunatic punk?
Was he cheating somehow?
Was he high? Was he drunk?
My suited Ace-Queen,
Got run down by Ace-Deuce.
Had to listen again
To his verbal abuse.
Gnashing my teeth,
I tried to ignore
The bile coming from
This delusional whore.
But my bluffs got picked off,
And my traps went unsprung.
Until finally I just
Could not hold my tongue.
So far I’d played nice,
Remained civil til’ now.
But I’d had quite enough
Of his dumb “BING BLANG BLAOW!”
“You $%@#-sucking *&^#!
Your mother’s a %@&!
I’ll find you – I’ll cut you
For your little stunt!”
My fingers were shaking.
I typed out more curses.
But he only responded
With those juvenile verses:
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE,
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
GOT ENOUGH OF YOUR DOUGH
FOR A HOOKER BY NOW!
REQUEST FOR THE CASH,
A QUICK TRIP TO THE BANK,
AND THEN I’LL BE BANGIN’
TANISHA THE SKANK!
My descent into madness
Then got out of hand.
By the time it was dawn
I’d lost more than a grand.
He finally quit,
And I staggered to bed.
But no sleep did I get
With that song in my head.
An entire month’s profits -
Flushed down the tube!
Or rather, got rubbed
On this maniac’s boob.
Let this be a lesson,
Don’t play in a haze.
Control your emotions…
And avoid the Ch3ckraise.
Sit down, pour a drink,
I’ve a story to tell
‘Bout a villain who plays
Heads-Up 50 NL.
I’d been crushing the game,
Had a big winning session.
Zigging and zagging
With guile and aggression.
Just fifteen more minutes
‘Fore hitting the sack,
When a new guy sat in,
With a full fifty stack.
We traded some pots
But then I flopped three threes.
A bet, raise and call
Just as fast as you please.
On the turn he snap-called
The huge bet that I made,
But then donk-shoved the river,
Which had brought the third spade.
I called and he showed down
A flush, seven-high,
And then raked in the chips.
“Just keep chasing,” thought I.
Then shrugged and reloaded -
I’m used to hard knocks.
But that’s when these words
Popped up in the chat box:
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
I JUST TOOK YOUR MONEY
I TOOK IT, AND HOW!
COULD HAVE USED IT FOR FOOD
BUT NOW I’VE GOT YOUR FIDDY!
THINK I’LL CASH IT AND RUB-
RUB-RUB-RUB ON MY T1TTY!
My jaw hit the ground.
I bit off a retort.
No need to trade barbs
With this douchey poor sport.
I’d get it all back
Plus more with no guilt.
Takes more than one beat
To put this pro on tilt.
Didn’t have to wait long…
Made a big overbet…
But top pair no good…
This time HE had the set.
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
IT LOOKS LIKE I’VE FOUND
A PERSONAL CASH COW!
YOU THINK I’M A DONKEY,
YOU THINK I’M A NOOB.
BUT WITH TWO FIDDY DOLLARS,
I’VE GOT ONE FOR EACH BOOB!
Did he really say that?
Was this some kind of joke?
That’s one more full buy-in
To go up in smoke!
No worries, he’d find out
With whom he’d been messin’.
‘Twas time to dig in,
Teach this A-hole a lesson!
I asked him to open
One more table or two.
Can’t lose since he’s playing
81 / 62!
In ten minutes things
Went from awful to worst
And another three buy-ins
Had followed the first.
Who was this fool,
This lunatic punk?
Was he cheating somehow?
Was he high? Was he drunk?
My suited Ace-Queen,
Got run down by Ace-Deuce.
Had to listen again
To his verbal abuse.
Gnashing my teeth,
I tried to ignore
The bile coming from
This delusional whore.
But my bluffs got picked off,
And my traps went unsprung.
Until finally I just
Could not hold my tongue.
So far I’d played nice,
Remained civil til’ now.
But I’d had quite enough
Of his dumb “BING BLANG BLAOW!”
“You $%@#-sucking *&^#!
Your mother’s a %@&!
I’ll find you – I’ll cut you
For your little stunt!”
My fingers were shaking.
I typed out more curses.
But he only responded
With those juvenile verses:
MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE,
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
GOT ENOUGH OF YOUR DOUGH
FOR A HOOKER BY NOW!
REQUEST FOR THE CASH,
A QUICK TRIP TO THE BANK,
AND THEN I’LL BE BANGIN’
TANISHA THE SKANK!
My descent into madness
Then got out of hand.
By the time it was dawn
I’d lost more than a grand.
He finally quit,
And I staggered to bed.
But no sleep did I get
With that song in my head.
An entire month’s profits -
Flushed down the tube!
Or rather, got rubbed
On this maniac’s boob.
Let this be a lesson,
Don’t play in a haze.
Control your emotions…
And avoid the Ch3ckraise.
07-10-2009
, 10:43 AM
07-10-2009
, 12:43 PM
