I was working a convention at an Indian Casino last week. When my day was done, I spent the night at the hotel so that I could drink and play poker before I headed home the next day. It always seems like there is one, and only one, player at every 1-2 game who thinks he is something special. This one was pretty standard: young guy, most-likely enrolled at the local university, wearing sunglasses and a thick zip-up hooded sweatshirt to try and hide the fact that he hasn't seen physical activity in, ever. I don't look for confrontations with these douches, but I find myself getting increasingly annoyed at their actions. But with this character it was mainly just this that annoyed me: after betting, he would remain perfectly still yet always stare at the person he just bet into through his doucheglasses. I was mainly just observing and chugging beers, as I just wanted to cut loose for the night and get hammered. Honestly, and you can rip on me for saying this if you want, but I give two sh_ts about a 1-2 game as I luck-boxed a tourney a few years back for more money than I ever imagined and I'll spend more money on beer in a night than what most of these college-aged "professionals" would consider a good score at the table.

So innocently enough, I call on the button with the 8-6SS for like $10 after 2 others call d-bags raise from first position. That was the standard raise in this game and I had no idea what d-bag held. Flop comes 5-6-9 with one spade and D-bag makes a continuation bet for like 30 bucks or so. The two others fold and I wait a sec and then raise to $130 to see where he's at. He waits 2 seconds and goes all-in. But then there it was again: he continued to stare at me through his dooshglasses as I'm sitting there thinking. I start imagining to myself all the d-bags that think they are amazing poker players when what they really need to do is go to the gym and sweat off 90 pounds of grease, then go to their frickin' college classes that mommy and daddy sent them off to college for to make them proud instead of trying to be Matt Damon at 11pm on a Wednesday night. Or, at the very least, take you ass to the bar and try to pick up some ass right this moment before the very minute strikes where you have officially become repulsive to the opposite sex for the rest of all time, and you are destined to a life of wearing sweatpants and a coffee-soaked t-shirt as your belly hangs out under the poker table and no one can tell that you occasionally whip out your tiny penis and urinate under the table.

SOOOOOOOO as I'm sitting there I'm imagining how this kid probably has most if not all of his entire bankroll in this pot, and his ass cheeks are probably puckered up like a male cheerleader on his first night in prison, and how if I can break this kid, I would absolutely love it more than life itself while at the same time, this night could possibly be the best night possible for this kid's long-term health as an individual member of society. The other funny thing is that I had been guessing right the last 5-6 times I had played poker when I got my money all in: I just seemed to know, regardless of whether I got my money in good or bad, what was coming. I was guessing right that I would lose when I was a favorite yet I just had a feeling that I was going to lose the hand. And when I was a dog, and I just had that lucky feeling, I ended up winning the hand. And for some reason, I just couldn't help shake the feeling that I was going to crush this young impressionable youth's poker career and send him on a better path for the rest of his life as cosmic forces were going to see to it that he could not win. His all-in would cost me another $184 to call with my only possibility to win being a 7 (or running something), and in this casino you don't have to show your cards when you're all-in. I just had that feeling, and I slid $184 across the line.

BING!!!!! 7 right off the deck. He showed his pocket aces somewhere between the turn and river cards, but before turning over after the river card I did forewarn him: "You're gonna hate me", and as soon as I said that, he gave a hard slam on the table because he knew I had hit something, although when I did turn it over, he wasn't expecting to see a $184 all-in reraise call on a gutterball that hit right on the turn. But it was that slam before I showed my cards that told me my intuition was correct: he was trying to act like John Chan even though he had his net worth on the table in that pot.

I kept waiting for him to say something as he got up to leave and twice looked back at the board to confirm the terribleness with which I had just busted him. I had my mind made up that if he wanted to continue playing up his professional image by saying something smug, I was going to get up out of my seat and tell him that if he wanted to talk further then I would walk outside with him so we could keep talking. Granted this decision of mine was helped by a few drinks, but I am glad he did not say anything because i did not want the situation to go there. What I really wanted was for him to take off his sunglasses and go home. Everyone has at least one college class on a Thursday morning.

TL;DR

stopped reading here

still dont understand why you were having fantasy about a guy at your table.......that is kind of gay bro

Good read. B-

I was working a convention at an Indian Casino last week. & I luck-boxed a tourney a few years back for more money than I ever imagined, in the same paragraph?

Seriously, how much did you lose?

I wait a sec and then raise to $130 to see where he's at

Lol, I like players like you. Come play with me please. Thanks.

I can't believe I read all that.

+2

Voted one star and feel it is one star too many.

Part about noone noticing future him whipping his tiny dick out and pissing under the table was gold. Also puckered up like a male cheerleader in prison made me lol. Well-written and funny, I'll give this piece an A-. Keep up the good work, OP

TL;DR; OP sounds like a douche

I somewhat enjoyed.

I trusted you.

curmudgeon itt... but i gotta admit it was so over the top i kinda enjoyed it

You're the one that kind of sounds like a douche. You got so upset by just looking at this guy that you decided to make a whale of a fish play, suck out and then run home to write a TL;DR on 2+2? What casino do you work at? I'm gonna go put on 130 pounds, buy some "doucheglasses" and get a track suit. HU4ROLLZ?

op, youre a ******

best poker bromance ever

Cool story, and cooler 3rd post
B+
4.25 Stars
would probably read again

I wait a sec and then raise to $130 to see where he's at
I wait a sec and then raise to $130 to see where he's at
I wait a sec and then raise to $130 to see where he's at
I wait a sec and then raise to $130 to see where he's at

you play well, please never change

youre an *******
this kids a douche bc he wears a sweatshirt, goes to college, and plays standard enough to get it in vs u as a 65-35 fav?

You mad they trying hard so you play a high variance style to get'em to stfu?