Here's what I noticed on the way up. I won where I expected to win, I lost sometimes; and at the very least I could say 'I understand why you went in with that hand'.

On the way down; I lost like we were playing with fake money. People calling AA all ins with J6o and winning the hand happened quite a bit. Hero calls making it on river...too often. The amount of times I had the other player by turn, and they flopped it by river, is too damn high. Too high. Alarm bells started ringing, never-the-less, I kept telling myself 'take a walk and come back' even though I legitimately wasn't tilted. I legitimately don't care about the money; it came from freerolls; no deposit.

I just don't know; because my first thought is 'well, I changed how I played' but when I'm being honest with myself...I didn't change how I play.

The same play style that saw success enough to turn $0 -> $25 in SNGs, turned $25 -> $110, and then just...stopped working.

The part that bothers me is that I can not look at the gameplay and say 'those were better players'. I can look at them and say 'those are lucky players'.

They hit rivers; they called all ins with offsuits that don't make any sense to all in with.

This should be EASY MONEY. People who put money in the pot like that, with the cards they have...SHOULD...be losing players, and all you need to do is get your hand and then let them all in you....except the ideal hands to take their money just wouldn't work. Wrong side of AA, Wrong side of AKs, Wrong side of KQ...etc.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All that said; I'm using this opportunity to quit online poker and move to offline play. They say the games are easier, and I just don't trust the website anymore.

I should be playing hands and at the end of them, I should be saying 'Oh, that makes sense that he won, his hand was better'.

I don't find myself saying that online. I find myself saying "Oh, look, another river miracle." even when I'm not in the pot; watching players with good, strong hands, get absolutely bent over by horrible hands that had no business being in the pot; but by some miracle get lucky by river.

What? Are some of these players clairvoyant? They can see the cards that haven't been put in play yet?

Until I understand what occurred; I can not play online poker. I will either figure out what happened; fix it, then play again, or I'll just stop playing poker. I'm not in deep enough to give enough of a f--- to keep playing if I can't figure out what happened; why it happened; and how to fix it.

During the past day or so this occurred; I also noticed these river miracles happening to others when I'm not in the pot.

It got so bad that I legitimately started questioning whether I should be playing J4o, or 62o, and whether I should even care about position.

The runs were so bad that my internal dialogue changed and started wondering if what we know 100% mathematically is a bad decision, is suddenly a good decision. This didn't occur until I was down to the last couple buy ins; and I resisted the urge to actually play those crap hands....and still came up on the wrong side of it.

I don't believe in variance. This isn't variance. I had to have changed something in my play; I just can't figure it out.

End of day I'm lucky my perspective has always been 'Build it from freeroll or you're trash'.

Well, guess I'm trash now, still not depositing. If I'm going to throw money on the table; it'll be live. I can not add money to a website that legitimately has me shook and wondering if 62o is a good hand to play.

BBV is not your diary.