We've had some weird temperature records in Denmark. From -31,2 to +12,4 in January.

Try living in south Texas. it's just the opposite. 8 months of hell 95 degree weather with 80% humidity and only 4 months of BARELY tolerable weather.

Last year Canada had a day that got down to -26.3 degrees, 10 days after it was +16.

That's crazy!

I'd rather that than a Canadian winter ainec.

HAI BBV

HAI AF (I'm guessing you're back in shackles again)

Thursday meh. At least my lawn chair didn't fall over after this "Powerful" Cindy came just east of us this morning. So, there is that at least.

HI GYPSIE

No shackles, but **** you thursday!

Don't get me wrong, cold/snow = **** that. But there are just some days around here that as soon as you get to your car from your office you are drenched in sweat. Not to mention the fact that you can cook Sammy pork fries (or whatever the hell that was) on the dash board of your car.

0. fidstar-poker is sammy friend, i will allow
1. **** thursday right in the earhole but it's almost friday and FranFran is enjoying it so okay thursday
2. today we work. Tonight we ice cream. Tomorrow we lol
3. basically lol every day
4. work is counting down. 36 days until retirement
5. oh **** 36 days until I quit this hell-hole
6. do I do a well for 5k posts? Mr. Piddlenator I think you suggested this. It'd be a rather dry well though
7. jk I got jokes for daaaaays
8. inb4 Mr.mmmKay is inb4list

in after list

meet you in the middle on 35 at a wafflehouse somewhere for a happy medium Gypsie!

to be honest missing the list for two days because vegas was very painful for AF

ahhhhh, gone are the days of all-you-can-eat Wafflehouse. I used to make that place my ***** back when I was working **** jobs with late nights.

That's our humidity map. Thanks Donald

you "accidentally" hired a transsexual again didn't you.

TR?

99% lady?

Sammy and I are best friends. You should know that by now.

orlly

They prefer the term 99% lady

Alright, I'll slam it home in here.

She was kind enough to wear one of those chokers to cover her adam's apple this time...

Jealousy consumes me

You don't think Sammy has a good looking sausage?

I also like them cut like Sammy's sausage.

Thanks for taking BOTH the jokes out of this one! Damnit, fiddle

Vegas:



We land at 8:30AM and complete the standard ritual of going at a snail's pace off the plane. Stop at Cinnabon, acquire diabetes, slam a couple glasses of water and make our way to the uber. Communique received from the Dutchman informs us that his flight is gonna be three hours late. ****. Hit an Uber and quickly discover it's EDC week and travel is gonna be ****ed. Oh well. What else does one do with three full hours? Hit the tables.

Arriving at the Flamingo (Dutchman's choice, wasn't terrible though) we get on the list for 1/2 and wander over to Roulette to commence degeneracy. Throw a couple $100s down, get it in nickels, 5 units on 20, occasionally a couple on 17.

Miss miss miss miss miss **** names up on the list, back to poker.



Sit in for $200, see some hands. KK on the button, flop K99, all in, turn x, river 9. Whoops. It's only 10:30. Get smashed again by quads a few orbits later, try and grind it back to no avail. Dutchman arrives and we hit the room. Funny thing is, once we get up to the room...he booked a single king. "Bro, do you see what's wrong with this situation?" "No, wait, uh, ****." Now finding women is a necessity, no longer a preference. No way I'm just going to sleep with the Dutchman in the Flamingo, this is unacceptable and a major failure in terms of booking. We change into suits and hit the pool.

Now, the Dutchman has befriended a dude from New York on the plane and we have a hanger named Cesar trailing us. Cool dude, interesting tattoos though, doesn't really gamble, but we've got a trio. We hop into the UNHEATED FLAMINGO POOL and start wandering around. Within ten minutes I'm directly approached by two 21 year old women who are asking about one of my tattoos as it's related to a local musician. I ask'em where they're from and they're both from my city. This is gonna be good. Introduce the Dutchman and New York to these broads and start building a rapport. After a half hour I get Dutchman situated with one of them and start feeling out the other and can smell on her that she's withholding something so I straight up ask her if she's got a boyfriend...and she does. Immediately starts complaining about him then she floats off, so I take it as an opportunity to bail as the Dutchman has hit it off with her single friend.

As I'm leaving the one with the boyfriend, we'll call her Cookie, catches up to me and requests my contact into and invites us to see Hardwell that evening, which we oblige. Cookie, mind you, is a total freak and has been dancing and shaking her ass on us regardless of her situation. I leave the Dutchman, Cookie and New York behind and go clean up for the night and more poker.

Long story short, we get on PLO and get 4-outered on the river (all in turn) for a 500BB pot and call it a night, as we gotta meet the girls at Hakkasan.



We arrive and somehow get shuffled into the fast lane and immediately find the girls: Commence operation who gives a **** about a boyfriend? Party all night, make it onto the floor and bounce at 3:30 for the walk back to the Flamingo. We make it back and Cookie disappears around 4:30 for chasers and I go to passout, leaving the Dutchman in their room with the single lady.

He doesn't seal the deal and I wake up to a snoring wooden-shoe wearing Hollander at 10 in the morning. Bastard failed us both. Find the girls that morning, grab some breakfast and back to the pool. At this point Cookie has warmed up to us, and we have generally free reign. Operation "Who gives a **** about a boyfriend?" successful. Spend the day at the pool with the girls as they are leave that night, Cookie being...affectionate.

We see them off in the evening, then head to Maverick Helicopters for a tour of the strip. **** was alright. C-note per person really. We were supposed to club-crawl after the chopper tour but Cookie texts me saying she missed her flight and wants to stay with me. Looooool.



So the Dutchman and I play poker until she makes it back to the strip. We meet her back at the hotel after firing off a buy-in each and proceed to hit roulette to even out. $200 in nickels again, placing 11/20/17, miss miss miss miss miss **** **** **** ****. At this point I'm pissed, the Dutchman bails back to the room and me and cookie go wandering slamming $100s into slots and hitting for a couple hundred in refund. Get on Baccarat and smash a dragon for a couple hundred too, ending the night down just about $40 bucks. Could have been worse. We wander over to Hash House a-GoGo for pancakes.

Skipping the bull****, we both pass out before anything happens and the Dutchman is just snoring away. Could have been worse. Wake up to her half on top of me and the Dutchman taking a shower but couldn't seal the deal. Probably for the best because the night before she was saying something about she falls in love with every dude she bangs. NO THANKSSSSS. She had to leave for the airport and the Dutchman and I get some food then hit the Rio to try and get on the games there as well as hit the Zipline between buildings. Well, no dealers are available to open new games and the lists don't move for hours so we bail back to Bellagio and same story happens. I'm listed for 20/40 O8 and neither list moves at either location for hours. I do end up seeing Chicago Joey at Bellagio, chirping out "Papiiiiii!" at him which he was kinda like "sup man" in response to. Probably one of the highlights of the trip.




Rio was a fail, Bellagio was a fail, hit some more roulette, miss all the numbers, back to Flamingo, get destroyed at poker by playing like a complete idiot. Then hit the airport for the red eye.

The 12:05AM flight departs late at 2:05AM and we have a wedding to drive to 3.5 hours away basically as soon as we land, so we mash slot buttons at the airport until departure and land a $300 hit to redeem a minor fraction of the damage just before boarding the flight. C'est la vie. Thanks, Jurassic Park slot machine!



Total results below:

Didn't read, ban for using way too many words