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Beat: OMG I have lost everything

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02-12-2009 , 04:14 PM

#151

Poolside

veteran

Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3,243

bump

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02-12-2009 , 04:50 PM

#152

steve1238

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 7,631

I remember reading this, not know about the soon to be Niche legend. I had horrible thoughts about how dumb and fake the post must be. For this, King, I apologize.

Remember King, heros get remembered, but legends never die. You sir, are a legend to me.

[x] lots of commas

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02-12-2009 , 05:21 PM

#153

Otto Gott

adept

Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 872

Quote:

Originally Posted by steve1238

omgomgomg you just said what I wanted to write!

I also read this when it was released but didnt think much about it. I just now realisied that it was niches first post!
Thanks for bumping, whoever did this

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02-12-2009 , 05:23 PM

#154

payformygolf

newbie

Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 23

king niche>yarbles

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02-12-2009 , 05:45 PM

#155

pokerloser10056

grinder

Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 594

Quote:

Originally Posted by King Niche

I have been a lurker for 2 years here learning and now I want to share my story..

I first started playing poker on pacific poker at 5/c/10c with my bankroll 25 dollars. I built up to 50 dollars and then I deposited more money after I lost everything because my wife called me a prick one day I was in the middle of hand. I have done some crazy things when on tilt. I used to take my girlfriends hairbrush and bite down on it everytime I lose and and make a "urghhhhh" noise. One day I caught my reflection in mirror and scared myself. I wondered if I was possessed.

Fast forward to recently, I had just managed to secure a job at a department store and was happy to get the job but I thought of nothing but poker everyday. I wanted to be a big star and make massive money so after being there three weeks I started to rob the place. I would take $1000 dollars a week from the other cash register and steal shirts and jeans and sell them on ebay. I soon had saved up $19 000 and I put this on fulltilt. me and the other guy both got fired cus they couldnt prove it. I told the other guy he is a bad friend to cover tracks.

I started playing 2/4 dollar game at first and I was winnig so good I read the book called theory of poker and signed upto cardrunners which I thought helped me so much I wore sunglasses because of eyestrain and played 8 tables. I soon made $13523 dollars and bought my girl a poodle. I moved upto 5/10 when I had 80 buy-in and I crushed all the regulars on full tilt.

I felt like I was invincible. I eat and sleeped poker. I had dreams about full houses and big pairs. one time I had a dream about a woman and her breasts turned into KK and I said "I call, I call your tits." I was distressed so i told my girlfriend and she got mad over a dream???? I started to move up and play the odd 6 handed 25/50nl game on betfair. I started out running really good and then it happened! I lost 10 buy ins to disgusting beats!!! 2 outer, 3 outer, 1 outer OMGZZZZ. I would flop top 2 pair guy would push all in with flush draw i'd call and I was losing 93% percent in these situations. I was so mad that I punched my monitor and now it fades to a million pixels and to keep it on I have to hold it with my finger and thumb I managed to get a peg to save finger strain but I was so mad that I called my girlfriend a "troll face" and she went to live with her mom, but she didn't take the dog and the dog was not even house trained ,it kept pissing everywhere, I got major tilted.

Then one night it happened. I was having a good night and managed to win back 14 buy ins and I was just about to quit for the night and i'd called my girlfriend on the phone and talked her into coming home in few days. I promised no poker for the weekend, no moodiness and to take her out for a meal to say sorry. I think I agreed to all this because I had won a few pots. Just before I was gonna shut down my table I got dealt AA in the big blind, and some guy raised to 800, I raised to 2400, he pushed all in for 27k..I had to call. He flipped over AA and made a flush on the river.............OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGG)"(&U")$(*$"&)"$, to think about it makes me want to punch cows in the face OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I was so sick I threw my mouse at the wall and screamed I was so angryyyyyy,I pulled my book case over and put my foot through a glass cabinet that I realised just after had been a gift from my girlfriends mom. I shut the computer off and went for a walk in the dark talking over the hand, about how I couldnt have done anything. Then over the next two days I lost the rest of my roll at 5/10 to the most disgusting beats, OMG...I had AA vs KK, lose, I had set of queens, lose to runner straight 5 times in a row, I had 17 cases of set vs overset and I lost to a straight flush 4 times, and a better straight flush once in 29k pot which which was 2 days before my girfriend was due home...I had no money no food, and I hadn't changed my underwear in a week. I needed cash badly. Realy badly. I called my friend john and asked to borrow 5k and he thought I was crazy...5k cmon, 5k is nothing to a poker player john you idiot!!!!!!

I couldnt get any money, I just wanted back in the game, I walked outside and it was raining and I seriously blubbed like a child. I was so angry with myself, maybe it was karma for the department store. Then I did the most inforgivable thing. I sold my girlfriends poodle for 8 buy ins at 50nl and I started to grind that **** out. when my girlfriend got home she asked where the dog was and I said that it ran away and she freaked out and asked why I didnt go look, I said I looked round the house for it and in the backyard but it probably wanted to live in the country in its natural habitats. She went NUTS and started hitting me and thats when I squashed her face up against the window I know I shouldnt have done but I was so MAD!!!!!!!!! I mean why couldnt she understand how a man feels when he ahs to drop from $25/50 to 50c games...omg I am so mad thinking about it... so anyways, she said she was leaving and I said "go then u fat sloth puppet", (she is fat) and she cried, I didnt give a ****..I was really angry at this point and wanted to prove just how mad so I ripped her dress and the stuffed it down the toilet, she said she hated me " you needle dick idiot" and she left and I seriously thought about throwing a milk bottle at her ass but instead I threw a slipper at her car..then I I went inside and tripped pover the coffee table and smashed a mirror with a picture frame. I started 5 tabling 50nl..I won a few buy ins and I felt like I could turn this all around..but then I lost most of it I was so mad I went to the 1000nl OmahaHi/lo and called david benyamine rude things

The next day I felt poker and numbed my brain like too much drugs, I felt like I was in a haze of poker, an alice in wonderland world and I almost felt like I was gripped by a wild fever which had been poker for as,long as I could remember. I added it up and poker had been my life now for 8 years! I hadn't missed a day playing poker in 8 years! I was addicted and justifed by calling it my job..I must say I played a very balanced game until right at the end, but I was miserable for a large percentile of those 8 years which chnaged from day to day and week to week despite the money. Today I sat there shivering in a blanket playing 2 tables of 50nl and I started thinking about how I was a shadow of the man I used to be..I was the most miderable I had ever been, even worse than when i had terrible acne. I felt it was all due to poker and how it destoyed me and took everything from me including my woman and my poodle..

I went busto today and I am never playing poker again.

GG.

that part made me fall out of my chair laughing

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10-26-2009 , 05:37 AM

#156

Monkey Banana

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 40,103

Quote:

it probably wanted to live in the country in its natural habitats

A+ and needs to be bumped so that lurkers learn how to delurk in the grand style.

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10-26-2009 , 07:48 AM

#157

stubez

journeyman

Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 219

lmao

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10-26-2009 , 08:23 AM

#158

natin

centurion

Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 152

I think an exorcism is necessary

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10-26-2009 , 08:46 AM

#159

Dos

old hand

Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,271

Quote:

Originally Posted by King Niche

can someone stake me so i can get my life back

LOL, the follow-up almost beats the original story...

[x] Thief
[x] Wife/G-friend abuser
[x] Major tilt-issues
[x] Pure rage

...looking for a stake. I bet the stakers breaking down your door as I write this, lol.
Original story A+ tho.

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10-26-2009 , 08:48 AM

#160

oldjude

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 4,257

omg, best read ever.

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10-26-2009 , 09:10 AM

#161

Pokerpingu

old hand

Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1,629

Lol if this is real then seriously..wtf.

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10-26-2009 , 10:00 AM

#162

amathyst87

newbie

Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 26

Fantastically funny.

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10-26-2009 , 10:06 AM

#163

wtfpokerftw

centurion

Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 119

haha great read

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10-26-2009 , 10:22 AM

#164

foldanytwo

centurion

Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 182

cliffs:

Quote:

Originally Posted by King Niche

I wondered if I was possessed.

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10-26-2009 , 12:15 PM

#165

inf4my

newbie

Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 32

this post put tears in my eyes

link to other good stuff from OP?

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10-26-2009 , 02:10 PM

#166

illknifefightyou

journeyman

Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 312

OP is ****ing god

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10-26-2009 , 02:13 PM

#167

illknifefightyou

journeyman

Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 312

Quote:

Originally Posted by inf4my

this post put tears in my eyes

And ya, same for me. Reading it in a public place was pretty rough, for that reason, but i couldn't stop

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10-26-2009 , 02:17 PM

#168

nachunja

veteran

Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3,381

King Niche guy seems to be a douche to me, unless proven otherwise

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10-26-2009 , 02:54 PM

#169

Psycho Boy Jack

old hand

Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 1,742

this kind of things really happen. perhaps ur too much a gambler for poker....

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10-26-2009 , 03:07 PM

#170

StatusBaller

self-banned

Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,970

I love all of king niches stories

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10-26-2009 , 04:45 PM

#171

MS9

grinder

Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 433

king of Kings

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10-26-2009 , 05:36 PM

#172

kfs

adept

Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1,084

Quote:

I sold my girlfriends poodle for 8 buy ins at 50nl and I started to grind that **** out.

At work, at my desk, and when I read this line, I lost it. Tears. Wow. I gotta stop reading these while Im here. Tooooooo funny.

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10-26-2009 , 07:10 PM

#173

SpeedLimiter

veteran

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 2,116

domestic variance itt

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10-26-2009 , 07:31 PM

#174

aliku

grinder

Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 542

what color was the slipper you threw at your gf's car ? this is very important.

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10-26-2009 , 10:08 PM

#175

BDesrochers

old hand

Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,530

Great ****ing read!

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