BEAT: Lost everything playing poker, have become human guinea pig for drug company to play more
02-14-2011
, 02:09 PM
02-14-2011
, 03:17 PM
02-14-2011
, 08:11 PM
(currently listening to Darkthrone - Hate Them, huge points to any metallers that know how awesome this album is)
Day 30. Wow.... That's a long time. 12 Days to go. Home stretch.
I still have mixed feelings regarding time. Going into this study, I knew that if I was going to last that I would need to have other motivation apart from the money. There are many positive things that have come from this experience:
I have met 7 other interesting people that normally I would probably never get the chance to get to know, but here we are, in close quarters for 42 days. It has taught me how to tolerate others better, and accept that we all have differences, and little things need not be obstacles between relations. The first couple of days people are quite guarded, not sure how to act around each other, but now most of us, with the exception of Bed 1, get along great. I'm having fun.
Also, it has been great to get away from the worries in my life.
That's not to say I have been ignoring them, but I am definately grateful to have the stress taken away, even if it is temporarily, because I was going f*cking crazy. This has forced me to go without alcohol, I'm currently on a 10 year record of sobriety (if you don't count the sh*t they're dosing us with, which I don't cause I'm not geting high).
So while we all sit around and complain about being in here, sometimes I appreciate what I've been given. Even to the point where I'm scared of leaving. Everything in here is safe. Breakfast is waiting in the rec room every morning, lunch will arrive at 1:30, dinner will be there waiting at 7:30. Outside I'm susceptible to my old dangers. Like being so unmotivated and depressed that I can't even summon the motivation to go buy food for the house. Or being so hungover that I can't move and feeling like my life can't get any worse but knowing it can and probably will. Or even just the loneliness of my situation. I reckon I'll miss these guys.
I have a real chance to undo a lot of the mistakes I've made. When I receive my money I'm going to emotionally severe myself from what I lost. What's gone is gone. Hah, if only it was that easy. I feel too much, always have. But I feel if that were ever to change that I'd lose whatever good lies in me. Don't know why I'm telling you all this, probably don't wanna hear it tl;dr blah blah.
12 days to go.... hell I'm not even looking at it like that. I'm just here, now. Now should not be lost to dreams of the future, or memories of the past, otherwise what's the point? We are afraid of the now. It can be too intense to face. That's why I love dreams. All our fears unfolding in that beautiful unlimited landscape. Insight into our true potential that will often never be realized because we let fear steer us elsewhere. I watched Inception last night, can you tell? :P
Updates.
Bed 1 has taken up residence in another room during the day, returning at night to sleep. No-one complains. But I am starting to really feel sorry for him. He cries out in his sleep every single night. You don't do that unless there's some terrible thing lodged in your past. It would totally explain the absolute dependence on the belief that you are always under God's love. I hope he isn't too unhappy, but I'm pretty sure he is.
Bed 8 is growing extremely frustrated. Told he would be leaving due to alarming test results, he has since been left hanging, with his questions not really being answered. Understandably he wants out.
I have gone on a downswing which sucks. I'm still way up from my MTT win, but I've been trying so hard to get a sexy Pokerstars sharkscope happening, and it's not happening. I know that's a mistake, too focused on results etc, but I still wanted to do it. Been slowly going down.
Detiltness has been coming in the form of Goldeneye. I absolutely annihilate anyone who plays me, like 10 minutes of play will net me 30 kills to their 4 or something ridiculous like that. And after bubbling a tourney from a one outter, it feels good to play a game where skill always wins. Wish I could play it online against some of you guys. Would totally be up for prop bets about beating anyone in bunker, one hit kills with grenade launchers
Day 30. Wow.... That's a long time. 12 Days to go. Home stretch.
I still have mixed feelings regarding time. Going into this study, I knew that if I was going to last that I would need to have other motivation apart from the money. There are many positive things that have come from this experience:
I have met 7 other interesting people that normally I would probably never get the chance to get to know, but here we are, in close quarters for 42 days. It has taught me how to tolerate others better, and accept that we all have differences, and little things need not be obstacles between relations. The first couple of days people are quite guarded, not sure how to act around each other, but now most of us, with the exception of Bed 1, get along great. I'm having fun.
Also, it has been great to get away from the worries in my life.
That's not to say I have been ignoring them, but I am definately grateful to have the stress taken away, even if it is temporarily, because I was going f*cking crazy. This has forced me to go without alcohol, I'm currently on a 10 year record of sobriety (if you don't count the sh*t they're dosing us with, which I don't cause I'm not geting high).
So while we all sit around and complain about being in here, sometimes I appreciate what I've been given. Even to the point where I'm scared of leaving. Everything in here is safe. Breakfast is waiting in the rec room every morning, lunch will arrive at 1:30, dinner will be there waiting at 7:30. Outside I'm susceptible to my old dangers. Like being so unmotivated and depressed that I can't even summon the motivation to go buy food for the house. Or being so hungover that I can't move and feeling like my life can't get any worse but knowing it can and probably will. Or even just the loneliness of my situation. I reckon I'll miss these guys.
I have a real chance to undo a lot of the mistakes I've made. When I receive my money I'm going to emotionally severe myself from what I lost. What's gone is gone. Hah, if only it was that easy. I feel too much, always have. But I feel if that were ever to change that I'd lose whatever good lies in me. Don't know why I'm telling you all this, probably don't wanna hear it tl;dr blah blah.
12 days to go.... hell I'm not even looking at it like that. I'm just here, now. Now should not be lost to dreams of the future, or memories of the past, otherwise what's the point? We are afraid of the now. It can be too intense to face. That's why I love dreams. All our fears unfolding in that beautiful unlimited landscape. Insight into our true potential that will often never be realized because we let fear steer us elsewhere. I watched Inception last night, can you tell? :P
Updates.
Bed 1 has taken up residence in another room during the day, returning at night to sleep. No-one complains. But I am starting to really feel sorry for him. He cries out in his sleep every single night. You don't do that unless there's some terrible thing lodged in your past. It would totally explain the absolute dependence on the belief that you are always under God's love. I hope he isn't too unhappy, but I'm pretty sure he is.
Bed 8 is growing extremely frustrated. Told he would be leaving due to alarming test results, he has since been left hanging, with his questions not really being answered. Understandably he wants out.
I have gone on a downswing which sucks. I'm still way up from my MTT win, but I've been trying so hard to get a sexy Pokerstars sharkscope happening, and it's not happening. I know that's a mistake, too focused on results etc, but I still wanted to do it. Been slowly going down.
Detiltness has been coming in the form of Goldeneye. I absolutely annihilate anyone who plays me, like 10 minutes of play will net me 30 kills to their 4 or something ridiculous like that. And after bubbling a tourney from a one outter, it feels good to play a game where skill always wins. Wish I could play it online against some of you guys. Would totally be up for prop bets about beating anyone in bunker, one hit kills with grenade launchers
02-14-2011
, 08:27 PM
02-15-2011
, 01:06 AM
02-15-2011
, 01:24 AM
02-15-2011
, 03:27 AM
-------------------------------
I am proud to accept my induction into the "Best BBV threads of all time." To see my work up there alongside all those living legends is an honour, and to celebrate this wondrous occasion I have decided to share with you my greatest work yet....
The Super Awesome Goldeneye Screen Splitter Thingy!!!
"This summerrrrrr..... the labrats have raised the stakes...."
This nifty contraption is the brainchild of my boredom. It was constructed with coathangers, cardboard, tape, fodler binders... and love
A lotta tape, and a little patience, makes all the difference. Hehe Batman Returnaments.
One person sits underneath, one above, eliminating the ability to see the other player's screen. AND No Radar. We've only had one game so far but it has completely changed the game... So intense now. Sniper rifles are actually usable again! I pretty much felt that by crushing everyone I was losing all my competition, but now everyone wants to play again! Going to be fun with 2 vs 2 as well, as each team can co-ordinate strategically against the other. I'm sure you fellow Goldeneye fiends can appreciate what this brings to the game!
My view from above:
02-15-2011
, 04:15 AM
