Yeah you are a degen. Not saying that to be malicious.
It's something I think you need to accept though and not take it as offensive. I know because I was just like you. A huge degen.

I posted one of my stories you probably read about shipping a tourney for
$36k and losing most of it the same day.

It's not easy to break the cycle. You need to constantly work at it. I feel like it may be similar to what an alcoholic goes through.
I went through about 10 yrs of degeneracy before I finally broke free from it. Going through the same cycle of "OMG I'm rock bottom busto I've learned my lesson. Never gonna do something that stupid again. I'm gonna get my act together and be really disciplined."
Repeat a few times a year for 10 years.

The thing is I really would be disciplined for awhile. Then it would take one bad beat here, one there, one bad session here, one there, and then boom tilt.

Funny thing is I can't think of how exactly I overcame it. I think it was a combination of me turning 30 and becoming a father. Maybe this drug study can be that for you. Hopefully, but just never forget that sickening feeling of being busto because of stupidity. Let that always be a deterrent for you. GL man.

Not sure it's a good idea to post pics here OP, it's pretty easy to decode the image and find your location. Not a lot of people know that unless you switch the option off (usually 'location services' or something similar on your phone), images taken on a phone will contain the GPS coordinates of where the picture was taken. Just saying in case you weren't aware of this, since there's a few malicious types itt.

Anyway, gl with the rest of your trial.

Obviously it's your money and you're free to do with it what you want. But money is money. It doesn't matter whether you're holding the bills in your hand, whether it's numbers in your cashier, whether it's at one site or the other, or whether they're chips in a casino. It's all the same. You're seeking justification just to gamble it up, just like you did with the $55 SNG. This is such stereotypical addict behavior. You're in denial about it, blinding yourself. Like the heavily abused wife never leaving her husband because she loves him, or the anorexic girl thinking she's ugly because she's too fat. What's going on is clear as day to everyone but the victim itself. Me advising you to quit poker is meant well. I truly think it's the for the best. If you don't want to receive advice you don't like and tell people to stop posting it, then all the nice advice you receive after that is worthless as you might as well be telling yourself what you want to hear.

If you really want to keep playing and proof that you can stick to brm, post your brm rules here. Make them detailed and specific so there's no playing around with them. They should cover everything, including brm once your roll gets bigger, so you don't suddenly take a $1000 HU SNG shot when you hit $2000 because your rules only covered up to $1000 or something similar.

First thing is gonna be to buy a new bike. I ride everywhere, it keeps me fit and I love the feeling. Plus it costs almost nothing to maintain, no registration, no gas, better for the environment etc. My bike is old, time for a new one, am willing to spend around two grand. This will probably be the only big thing I buy, the rest I'm going to give to my old man to look after for me. He knows a little about the stock market, he bought $5,000 in shares a few years ago and sold them for $55,000, not saying I'm gonna do that but yeah. It's safer in his hands. I mainly just want it to not have to worry about money while I'm studying.

Wow that sounds familiar. I can imagine how bad that would feel taking down such a huge win and blowing it so quick. I'm glad you overcame it. The feeling of losing more than you can afford to is horrendous, you'd think it would be a strong enough deterrent. Susceptibilty to compulsive behaviour is probably the issue. Repeating that cycle of error, resolve to change, repeat.

No worries man. If those types wish to exert themselves in those kind of pursuits, it's fine. The drug companies are not going to abandon their valuable data because of something like this, it's worth far too much to them. Pretty bad that people would actually want to disrupt the medical research that I'm involved in, they probably even have loved ones that suffer from the disease that helping to cure, but, in the end, it's just another futile attempt at negativity that will amount to little more than dissatisfaction. Thanks for wishes of luck.

Once again thanks for the advice man. Didn't mean to get defensive.

I'm considering just playing MTT's. It seems to be where I play best, and what I enjoy the most. Maybe it's because there's always a clear goal, I don't know. In the early stages it's usually easy to triple up quick through bad players, and be in a good spot to progress through the middle stages towards the money. It will give me a specific area to focus on improving as well. Also, if I go for periods of time without cashing, the BR will deplete slower, leading to less tilt. I don't think I'm cut out for cash right now. And only playing at Stars because of their restriction options. If this fails I might as well quit altogether. I do want to succeed, maybe this is the way to go for now? If so I can work from there regarding posting BRM (it would probably be quite simple in that case, 100 buy ins..?)

BI requirements heavily depend on skill edge, risk tolerance, whether you need to cash out etc. If you're playing MTTs it also depends on the average field size. The larger the MTT field the higher the variance. If you plan to only play with the money you currently have and to never redeposit, then going broke would suck so it's best to start out conservative. 100 BIs is really the bare minimum for MTTs, so if you don't want to redeposit, start with more than 100, and try to play smaller fields. I think 100 BIs is fine if you play 180 player SNGs, and there'll still be some risk of going broke (payment in those is extremely top heavy and you're only supposed to win once every 180 you play statistically so it's very possible to not win once in a 100 games even with a skill edge). NLHE is also lower variance than PLO, which is good. I still think the $2 SNG stake is absolutely perfect and a unique chance, as stakers usually don't offer to players with a known gambling problem. If you want to stick to PLO and play ~1K field size MTTs, I'd say 300 BIs or so to be safe. With 100 there's definitely a good chance of going broke as a winning player. So try to make up your mind on what type of game you want to grind first, then assess the variance in it and base your bankroll on that. Or just take the stake and be done with it all. Personally I'd say the stake is the best option by far.

Well its the reason youre stuck as a lab rat for 6 weeks, so I think it could be worth addressing. Its not too late, you can make a change.

dude, i've bin whole heartedly laughing and loving this entire thread, it's bin a wild adventure, then i got to the part where u entired the touney, then you were running good, then you WON! i lol'd so hard at that post, hahaha, this thread has been like a movie and i'm still enjoying it, the ups, the downs, the trials, the tribulations, i feel like we're at the point in the movie where the hero has done a great thing, but is now facing scrutany and acosted for the nature of his ways, left broken, he is determined to rise up.

^^ post made my night, glad you're enjoying the ride man, it aint over yet

6 star thread....would you consider another trial after a few months "off" as it were?

ty bro. It would depend.... The string pill is a very unpleasant experience (refer to page 1), and it would be excrutiating if you got stuck with some major douches as roomates for weeks on end. There's an element of luck, just like with poker. If it was a short one maybe. But hell I guess if the money was this good again I probably would. Hopefully don't grow a third ball or something...

WestSideVB [observer]: ***(blocking out url)***
Dealer: Game #57431845570: Pengshui1983 wins pot (625)
WestSideVB [observer]: for u never
NeverWasBeen: Sick,. looking now
NeverWasBeen: %^@%@%&
WestSideVB [observer]: bless her heart
Dealer: Game #57431871865: RL101 wins pot (1,250)
Dealer: Limits going up: blinds 150/300
NeverWasBeen: Oh. still.... That loks soooo tasty
Dealer: NeverWasBeen, it's your turn. You have 14 seconds to act
NeverWasBeen: ARGH I can almost TASTE IT!!!
NeverWasBeen: Insanity is happening
Dealer: ablacklimo, it's your turn. You have 14 seconds to act
NeverWasBeen: I cant wait to get the fk outta here
Dealer: ablacklimo has timed out - hand is folded
Moderator120 [Moderator]: Hello players.
Moderator120 [Moderator]: Please be advised that the use of vulgar, racist or abusive language is not permitted at PokerStars.
Moderator120 [Moderator]: Please be reminded to chat in a clean, friendly and respectful manner.
Moderator120 [Moderator]: Please be aware that posting URL's and advertising websites, products and services is not allowed at PokerStars tables.
Moderator120 [Moderator]: Thank you and enjoy your game
Dealer: TONI21 has two pair, Aces and Nines
Dealer: Pengshui1983 has three of a kind, Nines
Dealer: Game #57431921840: Pengshui1983 wins pot (1,500) with three of a kind, Nines
NeverWasBeen: lol, someone called mod


**chat banned here**

WestSideVB if ur reading this my chat just got banned haha, wtf? It was worth it for that pic

Now make a 2+2 account!

op, you are insane. subscribed.

crazy, subscribed

^^ ty

^^ ty

Never Was Been has done it, I'm out of the lurking status. Post Number 1

Apparently PokerStars TOS includes language like "generally be considered to be offensive" Well, my heartbreaking 3 hour chat ban was definitely worth sharing such a gorgeous women with a good man deserving of such a fabulous treat. How someone could be offended will baffle me for life. (note to self, no porn links in Stars Chat). That beautiful women made me drop down on my knees to thank God that I am a man.

Enjoyed chatting with ya today, and still railing ya. You're in great shape thus far. 3x average stack, 68 left in a 900 man PLO tourney (at a buy in within your bank roll, keep that up). You appear to be a solid PLO player, but I must say your NLHE game is atrocious. We all can't play as many hands as Durr. Have you seen that "I play like Tom Dwane" thread? Good times.

Please keep sharing your story, I'm rooting for you.

~WestSideVB

in b4 busto, please sit me heads up lol

Hahaha, glad you could make it!! And what better way for us to achieve comradery than to lose our chat :P I'm still hungry from that pic.

I'm still going strong, this hand shot me to chipleader:
Dealer: Game #57436008545: NeverWasBeen wins pot (167,330) with a straight, Eight to Queen

Be nice to take this down but I am sooo tired, it's now 4:36 am. Was great playing with/talking to you. Yeah my NLHE needs a lot of work, been playing PLO for so long now. Glad you think my play is solid, I like to mix it up.

Welcome to the forums bro!

NWB

^^ This is the sound of one man loling.

Damn pokerstars chat is still banned

44 left, go Never GO!

I don't chat a lot, but this ban sux with you doing so well in this tourney. Should be over in an hour or so.

~WestSideVB

I know man, I'd be hating it if it was a big one and I had the rail behind me and I couldn't chat. How long we got left till we get our chat back? lol@the guy givin me sh*t, railing my $1 MTT. He's either a hardcore fan or a sad little troll, and judging by his previous posts in here, I think I know which one he falls under.

Wow more railbirds now. My chat is still banned guys, sorry

For those Railbirds at NeverWasBeen's PLO Tourney chat ban started at 11:40 AM EST (It's 1:30 now). So he's chat banned for one more hour.

32 players left, he's 4th in chips! 3x avg stack.

Edited Cuz I posted the wrong ban time, sorry