Warning! There's BLOOD below! This post is true! This thread is TL;DR!


What the hell happened to BBV?? Used to be I couldn't visit without seeing some new crazy unreal degen beat or brag on the front page, including poker-induced self-harm!! Does no one jam a knife into their ankle after a beat anymore? WTF? Pussies!!

I'm going to attempt to spice things up and add some fresh blood to the forum with a classic DangTheRiver nuclear tilt self-harm story. I was a completely different person when this (and many similar and some even worse) stories took place, so I imagine I was too embarrassed at the time to post them. Better late then never, I suppose...

In 2010 I was an above-average player and managed to do quite well for periods of time, spinning small deposits into 10-25k easily, but my quality of life and emotional issues caused me to bust several 5 figure bankrolls due to booze, tilt and anger outbursts. Martingaling stakes/chasing losses while angry and/or drunk was my raison d'être.

My name is Matt and this is one of those stories.


It's May 2010, and I've had a successful month online. My FTP balance is in excess of 20k from a $100 deposit the month before. I loved "aggressive bankroll management", however in hindsight this is a euphemism for "I have zero discipline with my money".

That evening I decide to join some non-poker friends at the bar to cut loose and get smashed. This is not uncommon for me, and after a few (many) drinks it usually looked something like this:



They're not impressed, but they always humor me with followup questions: "Yeah, but how much did you lose?", "If I gave you $20 could you win me $xxx?" You know, the usual muggle questions.

My friends are ready to call it quits, but not me! I'm am man of routine and habit, and things were no different while inebriated. I'm not going to let a little .31 BAC reading from the stupid machine at the bar ruin MY night! There's booze at my house, and I can enjoy some .01/.02 NL without consequence! Sounds fun, lets go!

I decide to compose myself and walk home...



I make it home, eat a healthy snack and am feeling right as rain! I put on a little music, and I now have my computer and a highball in front of me. Lets go go go!



Things are going great! I'm having as much fun as is possible in this situation. So. Much. Fun.

I don't remember specifics of what happened next regarding poker, but an unthinkable, impossible, inconceivable hand took place. This stupid idiot just stacked off pre with me for a full $2.00 buy-in and sucked out. I was fortunate enough to get a screenshot which I'll share with you now:



Now, the following events are a bit fuzzy. I'm not sure if it was alcohol or rage induced or both,, but I go into full red-face smash mode. I grab the nearest thing to me which happens to be the drinking glass and throw it on the floor.



BAAAAM! "TAKE THAT YOU *********** MOTHER****ING STUPID DRINKING GLASS ***** ASS!" I wasn't quite satisfied, so I pick up the biggest piece of glass from the floor and this time chuck it across the room like I'm skipping a stone and trying to make it across a ****ing lake!

BOOM!!!!! "YEAH, YOU'RE NOT HOLDING FLUIDS ANYMORE ARE YOU, YA ***** **** **** LAME ASS GLASS!!???"

Ahh, the sweet sensation of a ragegasm. I can almost feel it as I describe the event, it's like a drug and I'm experiencing a trigger/craving!! You kinda go numb, and adrenaline is flowing freely.

It takes only a moment before I notice a wet sensation on my finger, followed by stinging. I look down, but before I give my attention to my finger I see something similar to this scene:



I remember thinking "what the hell was I drinking again?"

I proceed to pay heed to the sensation on my finger, which is now way more needy and attention-seeking. I'm a little shocked by what I find:

*Warning, up until now, these images have been in jest, but below is a real photo that is unpleasant and features mild poker-related gore. Cool? Cool....*


It appears the second throw got the best of me, and took a piece of flesh with it.

This sucks. What do I do now?

"There's glass all over the place! That's a ***** to get out of the carpet. Oh, and I cut my finger slightly! Gosh!"

This might be the end of the story, but a true degen knows when to take it to the next level. I go ahead and dress the wound and pour another drink to deal with the pain. I sit back down in front of my computer to.... play.... some.... more. So. Much. Fun. I have to win my $2 back!!

It's around this point in the story that the hero blacks out from excessive alcohol consumption. I don't blackout often, butt when I do... it's Dos Equis.

Anyways, I wake up the next day all kinds of messed up and begin to piece together what happened. Holy **** I can't believe I did that to my finger. I'm such a ****ing moron. Why do I do this to myself??

I go to my computer and FTP is already up, so I click once and see:



"OMFG I dumped $20k+ last night!!??? HOW TF IS THAT EVEN... WHA, HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO CLICK AWAY 20K WITH A NUB OF A FINGER!??"

The last thing I remember is my stomach - feeling gutted. I've felt it before and since but man, it's awful. Screw my finger, I'm busto!!


*BRAG* About 2 weeks later I notice a small blood spatter on the wall just behind a bookcase. I look closer and there, on the ground is the shriveled up, dried out tip of finger that I lost. Sadly, it was too late to reattach. lol


Story dedicated to BBV. Thanks for reading friends!

First

Also OP were u heavily into drugs back then?

OP, you write too much.

Just weed and booze, man!!

Been sober since 2012. Lame. I haven't lost any body parts since.


I want to be thorough in case the IRS is reading.

BRAG - I didn't have to pay taxes on the $20k I dumped that night!!

Underappreciated OP.

Pics of giraffes?

What a leader

I know it sucks, but what can you do? Gotta lose that finger tip.

I lost all old HH/databases. There's a few remnants, but nothing really worth posting.

Oh here's a $50 deposit degen-fest and subsequent meltdown from about a month ago:



Sometimes I manage to get some off a site before I drunk-click it all away!

Well done. Thanks for the story :finge:

b+ more plz

Like it if got any more would love to read ...

I get the feeling that the first few posts dictates whether people post good story or craps story

I likes it and it is really only my assessment that matters......

And God bless USA with a knee down , have put that out there lol USA and oh my gosh I don't like it AM is going be kneeling......

Thanks fellers. I'll post another super embarrassing story soon for others' amusement.

The part that makes the thread for me is the avatar.

My mustard money--shot avatar?

Ketchup's for lames. Mustard FTW!

LOL! That's amazing.

good posts.

Wondering how many gimmick accounts the OP posted under in this thread. At least three by my records.

Try to guess which 3!

Are you disappointed that your finger is now very ladylike?

u should of called it a quits at hand 900, but your a degen, so u can be lucky not to loose a hand after the hand 938...

kudos, a lot of effort by op into this thread.

What the **** is that supposed to mean?


I've always had cold, slender hands. The hands of a gunslinger, or a crypt-keeper if you prefer. The scar just adds character.