BBV Anonymous Confessions - Page 10 - Poker Beats Brags and Variance

Back in the final years of high school, I had been dating this one girl for over 2 years (and still am). One day, I was extremely horny and wanted to get it on. Girlfriend says she is on her period. I ask her to give me head. She refuses. I ask her what the hell she is good for and leave. I felt bad, but I was really really horny. Being very lazy, I decide NOT to masturbate, instead finding the sluttiest and dirtiest girl of the school. Afraid of getting aids by putting it in her pink, and herpes from head, I put it in her stink.

I come back to my place half an hour later and find girlfriend still there crying. She says she's sorry, still crying, and pulls down my pants and starts to give me head. I say nothing, even though I had yet to wash my penis. She is still my girlfriend, we don't have the refusal problem anymore, but I've been hesitant to kiss her from that day on.

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03-30-2007 , 01:28 PM

#227

Brad1970

veteran

Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,294

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I'm an average nobody... get to live the rest of my life like a schnook

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(MODs please disregard)
I was a huge druggie in HS. I started dealing to support my habbit. Mostly weed and coke, nothing big. My connect introduced me to X and it was crazy from there. It was 2000 and that [censored] hit hard. I was buying MASSIVE amounts for 12$ a pill and selling them for 35$.I was making a lot of money. My main dealer would eat 8 at a time while having ROLL PARTIES and I would take full advantage by stealing QP's of weed, a bunch of pills, 8balls of coke. He wouldnt even notice.

Anyways about this time I got a good Acid connect. I would get Vials of acid for 150 with about 500 hits in it. (im just estimating.) I would sell hits for 5$ Two things happened.

This hot chick I liked but only thought of me as a friend wanted to candyflip. She had done E but never acid. She gave me 5 dollars and being"Funny" and a dick" I unleashed a stream of probably 10 hits on her tounge.Thinking haha mean 1st trip. Anyways apparently about 6 hours later (Ilearned this from a friend) she went to a house she thought was her's.(it wasnt) She found keys on the counter and got in a low speed chase and killed herself in an accident that actually wasnt her fault.

I found out about this and really didnt care. I felt like I should but didnt. My main weed connect came by the next day. We did buisness then decided 2 trip. We both took like 3 hits, We went to a mall where a Hecht's was doing its grand opening. We walked in and there was a wall of towels, all different colors,like 30 feet high. We sat on a bench for like 45 minutes frying are ass off just laughing at everyone.

Anyways we leave. He's driving a balla ass acura with navigation(this was when Navi was unheard of). I go home. This other chick pages me. I tell her Im 2 [censored] up 2 chill. She comes to my house anyways. Im kinda pissed but she buys an 8ball and a 1/4. Cool.

Chick gets found OD'd the next day. No way I was soley responsible cause I have watched her do way more than a gram by herself,and im sure she didnt do it all.

About 2 months later my main connect (trippin at the mall) was found shot outside of his condo.I lived in a VERY nice part of town where things like this dont happen. I decided to move, and went and stayed with my parents. I really miss my hometown. However Im pretty sure I will get killed (For various reasons not disclosed i this post) if I do move back. I dont feel bad at all about people I have hurt because the same could of happened to me. But I used to make a lot more money. Im now breakeven at poker. Im thinking of going back and slingin cane. Anyways BBV really helps my boredom levels.

Also now I have a really good job. I make 1800 a week doing nothing.I used to make more in a day but now i have nothing 2 worry about going 2 jail.

Let me get this straight....you're a drug dealer who single handedly helped a couple of people OD & don't feel bad about it or didn't serve anytime over it. And now somebody gives you a job that pays you $1800/week, which is over $90,000 a year, for doing nothing...

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03-30-2007 , 01:37 PM

#228

DerrtySlime

veteran

Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 2,190

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I was kinda hoping for death by fire, but that'll have to do

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I used to date a girl who was molested by an older memeber of her family when she was very young. Nobody in her family knew, and she wanted it to remain that way. One day she asks me to go to a family function and i agree. She adds "He will be there. are you gonna be ok with that?" She told me that he was old and basically functionless at this point in time. He was confined to a wheelchair and could barely talk. I told her i could handle it.

It was a picnic type deal in the park across the street from the house. 15-20 of her family members were there, all having a good time. It was sunny and hot and a nice day to be outside. Everything was progressing fine until i volunteer to go back to the house to grab a photo album and another case of soda. So i go back and when i get there the guy is just sitting by himself in front of the TV.

I walked past him and over to the kitchen table to grab the photo album that we were looking at earlier. I had planned to ignore him as i did before, but when i actually got there reality hit. I said something casual, knowing damn well he wasn't going to respond, but hoping he would. He just sat there. My temper flared. I put his little monitor thing face down on a blanket and wheeled him back into the bedroom. I began verbally assaulting him telling him what i thought of him and how he was going to rot in hell for what he did. I picked up a newspaper off the nightstand and started beating him over the head with it. He could not defend himself and was just grumbling. I hit him over the head about 15 or 20 times.

I put the paper back down and started pushing him back out to the living room. My girlfriend walked in the front door and saw me wheeling him out from the hall. She immediately froze. So did i. We stared blankly at each other for a few seconds in total silence. She knew what happened. I put him back in front of the tv and fixed the monitor. I brought the pictures and soda back out to the party and told the family that she wasn't feeling well and that we were leaving. Our entire car ride home was silent. We never spoke a word about that day, ever.

Also, a big [censored] YOU to all you inconsiderates who make rape and molestation jokes. This stuff destroys people's lives. Be lucky you're not one of them.

I don't think this is really a confession. I mean, i would do the same thing or worse. I think its morally, ethically correct.

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03-30-2007 , 01:37 PM

#229

OneChipWarrior

adept

Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 1,088

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I hope this one's fake, tbqh

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Clearly fake.

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03-30-2007 , 01:47 PM

#230

Brad1970

veteran

Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,294

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I hope this one's fake, tbqh

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Clearly fake.

Ewwwwwwww.........fake or not.........Ewwwwwww

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03-30-2007 , 02:04 PM

#231

nichtsnutz

grinder

Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 459

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Afraid of getting aids by putting it in her pink(...) I put it in her stink.

"Afraid of cutting myself by using a knife to cut the tomatoes, I shot myself in the head."

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03-30-2007 , 02:09 PM

#232

adanthar

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 20,109

You know how I know this one's real? It didn't involve a poker player

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This happened to a friend of mine, but it's a hilarious story that seems in the right mood, and since the whole thing is an anonymous exercise, who cares?

So J is in high school, where he is currently dating K, and has been for a couple of months. He's out on a date with her, having an early dinner, enjoying himself, and then is driving her back to her house. When he arrives back at her house, her mother is waiting for them and looks unhappy. Apparently, earlier in the day somebody had called to tell K that she had seen J having sex with another girl, S, at a party the previous night. Since K was out on the date, her little sister took the message. J sees the message when he gets to the house to drop his date off, because her mom is standing at the door holding a paper plate that says, written in sharpie, "K - J [censored] S last night." This is the entire message.

J is completely taken aback by this; of course he didn't do it. So, he says to pacify mom and date, "Okay, I'll tell you what. I have her number on my cell phone. I'll call her right now, and talk to her, and we'll straighten this all out." So, he calls up S, and his side of the conversation proceeds as follows: "Hey, S, how's it going? . . . Yes, it WAS some party last night. Actually, that's what I wanted to call you about. Apparently somebody told K that I had sex with you last night, and I thought you could tell them that we didn't . . . oh . . . wait, really? . . . man, I don't remember that at all. Um, okay, thanks." He then hangs up, stands around for a second or two, and then says "Well, I guess I'll be on my way." and just turns around and leaves.

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03-30-2007 , 02:21 PM

#233

delaware99

centurion

Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 146

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I hope this one's fake, tbqh

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Clearly fake.

Ewwwwwwww.........fake or not.........Ewwwwwww

got to love A to M.

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03-30-2007 , 02:28 PM

#234

nath

the second coming of the second coming

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 68,730

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I'm an average nobody... get to live the rest of my life like a schnook

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people who purposely make people's trips miserable deserve a special place in hell

people who ruin other people's lives and have no remorse or compassion for them deserve an even specialer place

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03-30-2007 , 02:56 PM

#235

Dry Riser

journeyman

Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 253

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You know how I know this one's real? It didn't involve a poker player

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lmao

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03-30-2007 , 03:24 PM

#236

Tyler Durden

banned

Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 15,299

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And now, back to the more usual 'Poker players interact with women' pattern

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Went to Vegas on business, so no wife. Up $700 or so
at 1-2 the first night downing drinks the whole while.
About 4am I lose all my winnings in 5 stupid hands
and leave with what I came with. I am so hammered I
can't walk straight. I am bummed about not booking a
win so I cruise around the casino until I spot some
working girls. Pick one out and take her to my room,
we agree on a price and settle up, and the fun begins.
Once she gets her clothes off, much to my surprise,
she is smoking hot. Body is a 10. I get an awesome
hummer then stick it in and she moves so good.
Incredible sex. After, she asks if she can take a
shower. Sure thing, and drunk and happy I doze off.
The next morning I find out that after I fell asleep
she found my poker roll and made off with it. Fun
times, but not worth a grand. Not to mention having
to eat DelTaco the rest of the trip, and can't play
poker during a week in Vegas. Suxxors.

I might be a sick bastard b/c the second thing (first was don't cheat on your SO) I thought was that you should have stayed awake till you heard her get out of the shower, then you should have pretended to fall asleep and keep yourself between your roll (on a nightstand or something) and the door. Then when you saw her take your cash, jump out of nowhere and intercept her before she got to the door and you take it from there.

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03-30-2007 , 03:34 PM

#237

furyshade

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 10,138

this legitimiately should be stickied and continuously updated, i havent been disappointed yet when i open this thread

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03-30-2007 , 03:44 PM

#238

gumpzilla

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 13,973

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And now, back to the more usual 'Poker players interact with women' pattern

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Wait, what? He was supposed to trick the prostitute into trying to rob him and then "take it from there?" So the mentality is "Don't cheat on your SO, but if you do, make sure you rape the [censored] out of that whore?"

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03-30-2007 , 03:52 PM

#239

J_T_P

journeyman

Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 344

this thread is awesome, keep the confessions coming

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03-30-2007 , 03:52 PM

#240

Big Poppa Smurf

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 4,013

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And now, back to the more usual 'Poker players interact with women' pattern

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i guess you've never played gta

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03-30-2007 , 03:57 PM

#241

sefaje

grinder

Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 653

rofl. most of the "i cheated on my g/f once" ones are really repetitive and the over-the-top "i am responsible for 1-3 people's deaths" usually aren't as fun to read as the really strange ones.

thread saved by someone beating an immobile old man on the head with a newspaper. roflllll

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03-30-2007 , 03:59 PM

#242

sefaje

grinder

Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 653

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Yes.

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03-30-2007 , 04:09 PM

#243

Tyler Durden

banned

Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 15,299

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And now, back to the more usual 'Poker players interact with women' pattern

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I didn't say anything about raping her, your crazy imagination came up w/ that. I was talking about beating her to a bloody pulp and leaving her out in the hallway w/ the dinner dishes from room service.

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03-30-2007 , 04:12 PM

#244

gumpzilla

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 13,973

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Okay, we're cool then.

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03-30-2007 , 04:14 PM

#245

adanthar

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 20,109

Oh come on, this has to be anonymous?

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I was a Junior in hs and had been dating a girl for 4 months. At this time she was supposedly a devoted Christian. No sexaments. Summer comes around and she decides to visit her grandparents in Canada for three weeks. After the second day back she breaks down and tells me she had sex with a guy. WTF. Oh noes. She lost her virginity to someone else and I'm her bf!
At this point I realize I have to get her back. Haha. I'll tell my friends and ask what their ideas are.
Friend: Wait. Did she ever end up giving it up to you?
Me: Um....
Friend: Wait she didnt even lose her viginity to you!
Me: Uhh...
Friend: Bwahahahaha.
Me: Oh God. Please kill me.
K thx.

I see why this guy wants to be anonymous, though

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I have a [censored] load,some or maybe even all of them suck ass, but oh well. You can choose to post
whichever ones, if any at all.

Lets see, where to start...

When I was a kid I used to sneak into my brothers room when he was at work and watch his pornos on
VHS and bang out some knuckle children on his bed.
I would make sure to memorize to a tee where the vid started and when I was done with my session I
would rewind back to the original spot.

I use to also sneak into his room, steal his weed and replace it with oregano, numerous times a
week. One time he bought a large quantity and it was like mother [censored] christmas! I even stole
some and would sell it to my friends.

Back around '96,'97 I had friend who I hung out with who had a pretty hot girlfriend, but for some
reason he loved banging fat chicks. We would go out to clubs and he would just hit on fat whores.
Now mind you I've been known to go harpooning once or a dozen times myself, but if I had a gf as
hot as his was,I wouldn't even think about any other skanks. Anyways he finds this one corpulent
cow that he wants to hook up with at the club. He gets her number and what not and asks me if I
want to go with him cuz she has a roommate (who by the way is an obese butterball as well). Both
those chicks are pigs, both literally and sexually. So we go there on a friday night, they had just
got back from the bar and were trashed. So we walk in and see the one porker my friend is going
to hook up with but the other one that i'm supposed to hook with is no where to be seen. So her fat
friend is sitting there giggling like the chunky little troll she is, when we hear a noise coming
from th
e bedroom. I'm like "wtf". She goes into the room and I here laughing and whispering and 10
minutes later I see some drunk ass dude stumbling out of the bedroom with the missing roommate
behind, pushing him along and trying to kick him out as if it wasn't planned for him to be there [censored]
her fat, greasy ass. So this [censored] beached Orca whale is now thinking i'm going to [censored] her
after she's [censored] some dude in the bedroom as I walk in their house! LMFAO! So she plants her
gigantic frame on the couch and basically falls asleep while my friend is getting a hand job by jabba
the [censored] on the other couch next to me. Thankfully they went to the bedroom to finish, while miss
piggy lie snoring on the couch and me watching late night infomercials.

The first time I had sex was a nightmare. I was 18, she was a 27 year old dead head hippie chick
who lived above my friend. Not the the hottest chick but she had big old titties and I was eager
to get laid. So we get all drunk one night and end up playing strip dice (we didn't have cards) So
eventually I end up in her room we are messing around and I really don't know how to proceed so I
think to myself "well in the pornos the guy always eats the chicks puss out before they bang so I
should do that"

Bad idea.

I start to go down south and near her hatchet wound when i see a giant afro and worse yet, this
stench starts to hit me. I mean it smells like the old 59 cent soft tacos from Taco Bell.
Basically it reeks of hot garbage. I'm like, "well i gotta do what i gotta do I guess" when she stops me
(thankfully) from chowing down on her gash. She flat out tells me, "You can't, I haven't showered
yet today". Okay so now i'm really freaked out,all i wanna do is end my virginity and blow my
load.

I try my best to ignore what just happened but I can't even cum i'm so freaked and grossed out.
Basically i don't end up blowing my load, and just like a mutual aggreement that we end for the
night. She's like, "oh i came what a beautiful thing" Those were her exact words but I think she was
full of [censored] cuz i was really grossed out by the whole sewer snatch thing. Anyways I wake up the
next morning and start walking home, I don't even notice anything till i get out side and see
blood on my fingers. I'm like "wtf how did I cut my self" It's all over my hands and they smell awful.
Then i look down and notice blood on my t-shirt, I'm like "god damn i must of really been drunk i
didn't even feel myself get cut last night"
I get home and start to clean my self up and change when I look down and see it- blood,
everywhere, all over my [censored] and balls, everywhere. I'm really bugging out thinking I cut my dick somehow
but then i realize that this dirty whore had her period all over me while i was [censored] and that's
why she didn't let me eat her [censored]. I swear my finger stunk like period scum for a week. I dont'
know why but i gotta a bunch of nasty pussy eating stories, another time I ate out some spanish
stripper whore (who was also a prostiute) while getting a lapdance at a strip joint.

Anyways, maybe these sucks balls but i'm bored today. I know of more [censored] but this is getting
entirely too long.

Be safe and beware of stinky pussy and fat whores.

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03-30-2007 , 04:20 PM

#246

StarkNaked

old hand

Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,207

I just threw up in my mouth and swallowed it.

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03-30-2007 , 04:23 PM

#247

Brad1970

veteran

Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,294

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Oh come on, this has to be anonymous?

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I see why this guy wants to be anonymous, though

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ROFLMAO!!!!!

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03-30-2007 , 04:23 PM

#248

timw07

banned

Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 211

I see why this guy wants to be anonymous, though

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[/quote]

best one yet???

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03-30-2007 , 04:26 PM

#249

AbreuTime

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,912

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I just threw up in my mouth and swallowed it.

Sounds like a better experience than the guy above you had.

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03-30-2007 , 04:44 PM

#250

adanthar

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 20,109

Isn't 8 year olds playing with 8 year olds fairly standard?

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Not that great but it's the only story I've never told any of my friends. Basically whenever the question of when did you lose your virginity is brought up in conversation I lie, I say whatever I feel is appropriate but in actuallity I was 8, yeah that's right.
It was with a family friend, the kind who's parents you call aunt and uncle but aren't actually related. Basically she intiated the whole thing, apparently her parents decided to have the birds and the bees talk with her at 8, ok whatever, but they gave pretty graphic detail.
She was over at a bbq one day explained how it worked and we went to it, obviously I didn't cum cause I hadn't hit puberty and it wasn't fun I don't think 8 year olds can get wet.
Eventually (about a week later) the guilt consumes me and I wake up and confess everything to my mom, she's in shock asks me to explain what sex is multiple times because she can't comprehend that her 8 year old could do this. So she tells my Dad, and the girls parents, whatever, down the road when we were 12 I was at her house one time and she changed infront of me, at this time I was a lot hornier and she said "I can tell by how your looking at me what you want to do, too bad you told on me or I would" The most bizzare part she claimed to me to have banged her 1st cousin a week before we did.
As if this wasn't enough when I was in highschool my mom got me multiple babysitting gigs through co-workers, the first time I go to babysit solely girls she has a talk with me. I'm not going to get into it, use your imagination, but it may have been the most embarrassing convo of my life. Just cause I was interested in 8 year old girls when I was 8 doesn't mean that I still was at 15

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