OP suicide is not the answer to any of life's problems, and not being able to succeed at online poker is a very small problem to have in the scheme of things. I suggest speaking to someone that is an expert in this field (there are plenty of professionals out there that can help you through your issues).
I'm going to lock this thread as no one here is a professional to help you deal with the issues you are going through and I don't want anyone to troll it.
Best of luck. You have the support of everyone here