It's impossible to rat on your enemies.

Everyone is my enemy.

Rape the universe!

Nuke Asia!

Fumigate Europe with nerve gas.

Firebomb Pakistan.

Torch the Irish.

Bomb the Vatican.

Sterilize the Chinese.

And censor the Jamaicans.. JK see the music thread.

Repeal The Bill of Rights.

71 years old and I get to tell medical stories, it stands to reason. Besides, sad to say, you ppl are all I have except for my neurotic sister and she's no fun:

Midnight, I've got to poop. Midnight and a half, no poop, go to bed. 5:30 a.m REALLY got to poop, no poop. Feels like I've got to poop Mt. Rushmore, decide this is actually bad enough to head to the ER. ER wait room is empty (catch a break for once), they take me right away. 'What's the problem, Howard' (not my real name), 'can't poop says me', 'we are going to do a Cat Scan to check for blockage bec you had a appendectomy', no blockage. I ask for pain med expecting nothing but get morphine tyvm.

They explain options: First is enema, I thank the nurse bec I wouldn't want to give an old man like me an enema. I ask what the chances are that I will poop, nurse says 'it's going to come out eventually.' Hold in the enema for as long as possible then get on port-a-potty. Liquid comes out, no poop. Poop wants to come out, hurts like hell, I consider asking for more morphine but don't, poop finally starts to come out. Takes it's damn time. I NEVER, EVER want to go through that again.

Close questioning reveals the secret to avoiding a repeat occurrence: Eat much more fiber and don't eat 6 lamb chops at a time. Dammit, I LIKE lamb chops but lesson learned.

oatmeal, lentils, split green peas, black eye peas, prune juice, canned pineapple chunks.

Avoid ibuprofen, naproxen, Tylenol, benadryl, Sudafed, cold medicines, and opiates.

You may get better leverage in a standing-squat position (more natural?).


PairTheBoard

There's a reason old people eat prunes.

Lamb chop vindaloo

They prefer to be called "dried plums" nowadays

I'd never be so rude about the older generation.

Rhyming slang?

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/syrup_of_figs

You received some good advice, Howard. Now don't be an old fart and prune face and ignore it. As you get older you have to change your eating habits or suffer the consequences. This is the natural order and law of life. You certainly don't whack off three times a day as you used to when younger. Though no doubt you dream fondly of the those halcyon days.

Life is change. The Eternal Tao of Change.

Lamb vindaloo might be the way to go when I want lamb. If vindaloo won't keep me regular nothing will.

And I will kindly ask everyone to stop calling me old. I can call myself old, everyone else just cut it out.

Ok Young Buck Howard.

That is why I said that you fine folk prefer to be called dried plums

I've heard that there are some ppl who are walking around w/ dried plums between their legs.

Howard, you are young!

Pretty much confirmed now.