Getting down to crunch time in the league. This is especially true for the Bowlen family, who owns the Broncos. Well, technically they do, but the team is actually run by the trustees of the owner's trust (he is incapacitated by Alzheimers). Lesson for any of you who are or plan on being exceptionally rich: those helpful lawyers advising you are almost certainly looking out for themselves, not your kids. Case in point:
http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/2...denver-broncos
Now, long time readers are well aware I have no sympathy for loser lucky sperm lottery winners, but they sure do seem to have legitimate beefs here. I'm sure they are insufferable in person and probably terrible people; the answer is, as always, TAX CAPITAL NOT LABOR. I know the snowflakes among you don't like the "politarding," but these ownership situations are teachable moments. Most every privately held billion dollar company in America is like this: huge government protections for a quasi-monopoly, loser kids of ******* founders benefiting from a bull**** system (free stadiums, artificially cheap labor, etc). Google Wyatt Koch. And remember these people the next time someone tries to rile you up about people using food stamps to buy Snickers.
Anyway, on the the games:
Chargers at Chiefs (-3.5)
Party like its 2010. The #1 Chargers have incredible stats and people are starting to buy in. I do not buy in. First of all, their coach is a complete moron. Second, Rivers. I know I repeat myself a lot, but what the hell did Marty Schottenheimer do to never get another job?
Texans at Jets +6.5
This is the kind of game the Jets randomly win. There is no explaining it, it just happens. The Jets are owned by one of the Johnson (of Johnson & Johnson) heirs; when Rand Paul was running for president he attended a fundraiser at his house and rambled on about drug legalization not knowing the owner's daughter had recently died of a drug overdose. Rand Paul subsequently got his ass kicked by his neighbor over a landscaping dispute.
Browns at Broncos -3
You think Baker would get more ink, dude is great. However, I can't say I agree with him calling out Cleveland fans to show up just yet. It's like Bubbles begging his sister to live in the house after a few days sober. Give it a winning season first, Bake Show. Denver's home field is enormous and all, but they have no passing game at all. Another dumbass coach, too.
Packers at Bears -6
The Packers are not going to lose another game this year. If they make the playoffs, they're going to win the Super Bowl. I really shouldn't just give away money like this - if you want me to keep it up, be nicer in the comments below. Trubes is a fraud.
Cowboys at Colts -3
Lets go ahead and pump the brakes on the Cowboys. The Saints win was impressive, but Thursday games barely count. This game features and enormous QB mismatch and I love Indy here. Their coach seems...decent? If you're gonna **** up, I love to see over-aggression. A learning LAG is a hell of a lot harder to play against than an OMC.
Titans at Giants -2.5
Speaking of pumping the brakes, the Giants. Tease the Titans up to +8.5 here and enjoy the free money. As an aside, I will be in Vegas for the divisional round of the playoffs. Very much looking forward to it.
Dolphins at Vikings -7
Vikings are my best bet of the week. As for the Dolphins, the original owners (Robbie Family I believe) couldn't get along when their dad died and had to sell the team to pay approximately $47 million of estate tax. The buyer was Wayne Huizenga, who founded Blockbuster, who sold to Stephen Ross, founder of Related, possibly the best real estate development company in America. I don't know where I was going with that, but I assume we're still in the trust tree with the nest.
Tampa at Baltimore -7.5
I maintain Tampa is massively underrated by betting markets. Up 14-3 against the Saints, they give up a blocked punt, then do a bunch of other stupid **** to lose by 14. Now you're going to say "they always do **** like that, that's just who they are!" And you are partially right. But this line is off by 2-3 points, especially since the public doesn't understand how bad Lamar Jackson is.
Cardinals at Falcons -9
Life is too short.
Raiders at Bengals -3
The stadium for this game will be half full. Which means there are at least 35,000 people in Cincinnati willing to give Mike Brown their money. ****ing morons.
Redskins at Jags -7
Good thing the guy they signed off the street won't need to learn the offense, or something. Just sign Kap, people might actually watch.
Lions at Bills -3
My brain is still adjusting to Josh Allen being a fantastic runner. It is also adjusting to Matt Fatricia's shirt size. And the guy is STILL WEARING A PENCIL AND CARRYING A LAMINATED PLAY SHEET. After he's fired, he should film a holiday cooking show with Ina Garden where they dress up and you can't tell which one is which.
Seattle at SF +5
5 years ago, this like would by 7+. I hate how much smarter the public is getting. ****ing internet. Also, **** you Bovada for giving me different lines than the public because I win. *******s.
Pats at Steelers +2
This game should be fantastic to watch. I have no idea who will win but someone will lose, meaning we all win. The Pats radio call of the miracle play was hilarious, I have a feeling I would love hanging out with the color guy, who deadpanned an "oh, Jesus" when he got to like the 40 yard line.
Saints at Panthers +6.5
You don't want to bet road favorites in the NFL. Except here. Carolina has quit.
See you next week.
