Sporting Events FAQ, Liveblog, and BANGERS
02-22-2013
, 12:21 AM
Quote:
I almost quit 2+2. Let's face it, 50k posts on a ****ing internet forum, most of which were spent either arguing with bigoted pimple-faced reason-allergic dumb****s who jerk off to the thought of shooting a home invader (Neblis, DBJtoolbag) or cheering for doomed sports bets while complaining about referees, is pathetic. But I started this stupid thread, which is really just more evidence of how ****ing stupid posting 50k times over 10 years on a goddamn internet message board is, so I may as well finish it. I had an absolutely miserable time in Las Vegas. I lost at everything, got jealous of my wealthy, successful friends, had very little fun and got stuck between fat smelly people everywhere. (Seriously, its absurd, and must be karma for me being such an *******. I can predict who I will be sitting next to on a plane before anyone even ****ing boards). So here goes, if you have schadenfreude this is the trip report for you.
Yeah, I got that window seat in the first row. After the picture a solid 750 pounds of disgusting fatness filled up the other two seats. The guy in the middle seat actually tried to raise the ****ing armrest to make more room for his fat to spill over onto me. Uh, no dude. He then complained to the fatty to his right as if I wasn't sitting there. STFU and eat a salad bro. I then tried to get drunk on the plane, which failed because the stewardess was too busy reading 50 Shades of Grey to stand up and offer anyone more drinks. So I read this article, cried on a ****ing plane to Las Vegas, and fell asleep.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2...1fa_fact_keefe
I get picked up by my friend at the airport and am immediately reminded of what a failure I am. He is driving a car that cost him more than the sum of my adult earnings. He is 2 years older than me, makes at least several million dollars a year, and is seriously contemplating retiring to try to play professional golf. As he asks me what I'm doing with my life, the condescension oozes from his lips. I know he's either making fun of me in his head or not paying attention at all, and I'm not sure which pisses me off more.
I meet up with the rest of my friends who are equally successful if not equally wealthy, and we go play golf. When we stop for lunch I buy beer to drink on the course and I get the distinct impression they think this is classless. Fellas you're not at Cypress Point anymore, you're in Vegas. And I can see those sideways glances. We play golf, which is fine, and I actually win $20, my only win at anything the entire weekend. A fellow midwesterner suggests eating at Buffalo Wild Wings to avoid the Strip madness on a Saturday night, to which Mr. Retiring At 32 To Play Professional Golf replies "what the hell is a Buffalo Wild Wings?"
When we get back I just opt out of whatever the group is doing and go play poker at Mirage. I sit down at a 1-2 table and start grinding it out. I'm determined to win this trip since I always lose and have awkward conversations with my wife about how if I'm always on that damn poker site then how come I can't win at poker? So anyway nothing happens for a while except me wanting to punch the old guys arguing about tipping in the face. I even say "I think this is exactly what the world needs, another tipping discussion!" I am ignored. After about an hour of folding I raise AA to like 21 bucks and of course like 5 people call. Flop comes jack high and one of the old guys donks into me. Could mean set but whatever, I have AA so I shove, he calls. Turn J, River K, he tables KJ while saying "I got you crushed." Yes, indeed you do. I check my phone, see that my friends are playing blackjack and want me to come, and depart.
So despite having an average IQ of about 140 these clowns are playing the Pussycat Dolls blackjack game at Caesars, where BJ pays 6:5 and you can only double on 11, all for the pleasure of looking a clothed women dance on a pole. I briefly contemplate telling them that for what they are giving up in EV they could go to the Rhino for hours, but remember that they think I'm stupid, mumble some stuff under my breath, and STFU.
For some reason we end up at Planet Hollywood, probably because someone got word that the dealers look like strippers. They don't: they look like underage Thai hookers. Our dealer looks right out of a Travel forum trip report. I sit with $500 at BJ and lose it in 2 shoes. Betting the minimum. At a $10 table. In what will become a theme for the trip, the rest of the table points and laughs as I find new and exciting ways to lose. It was a truly incredible run, which I fully expect to replicate if and when I play blackjack again.
After that debacle I wander over to watch my other (different) millionaire friend get back to back full houses at the game where you get three cards and use the dealer's two cards. Sick life.
Dejected, I head over to poker and sit patiently in possibly the best poker game I've ever sat in. Everyone else is blackout drunk. I just sit there folding until I finally play KJ against the whole table. The flop comes QQ10 and checks through. The turn is a 9, I bet and get it in against a fat Mexican dude. Before I even know what has happened he explodes out of his seat screaming and I know I am toast. He has Q5, river was of course a 5, NH. Then a funny think happens. He starts pointing at me and laughing, hard. Then the rest of the table joins in, until literally every single person is pointing and laughing at me. Uh, ok? I stumble home, order some bad porn and go to bed.
This is ****ing long, so unless people care to hear the rest I'm gonna be done.
Yeah, I got that window seat in the first row. After the picture a solid 750 pounds of disgusting fatness filled up the other two seats. The guy in the middle seat actually tried to raise the ****ing armrest to make more room for his fat to spill over onto me. Uh, no dude. He then complained to the fatty to his right as if I wasn't sitting there. STFU and eat a salad bro. I then tried to get drunk on the plane, which failed because the stewardess was too busy reading 50 Shades of Grey to stand up and offer anyone more drinks. So I read this article, cried on a ****ing plane to Las Vegas, and fell asleep.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2...1fa_fact_keefe
I get picked up by my friend at the airport and am immediately reminded of what a failure I am. He is driving a car that cost him more than the sum of my adult earnings. He is 2 years older than me, makes at least several million dollars a year, and is seriously contemplating retiring to try to play professional golf. As he asks me what I'm doing with my life, the condescension oozes from his lips. I know he's either making fun of me in his head or not paying attention at all, and I'm not sure which pisses me off more.
I meet up with the rest of my friends who are equally successful if not equally wealthy, and we go play golf. When we stop for lunch I buy beer to drink on the course and I get the distinct impression they think this is classless. Fellas you're not at Cypress Point anymore, you're in Vegas. And I can see those sideways glances. We play golf, which is fine, and I actually win $20, my only win at anything the entire weekend. A fellow midwesterner suggests eating at Buffalo Wild Wings to avoid the Strip madness on a Saturday night, to which Mr. Retiring At 32 To Play Professional Golf replies "what the hell is a Buffalo Wild Wings?"
When we get back I just opt out of whatever the group is doing and go play poker at Mirage. I sit down at a 1-2 table and start grinding it out. I'm determined to win this trip since I always lose and have awkward conversations with my wife about how if I'm always on that damn poker site then how come I can't win at poker? So anyway nothing happens for a while except me wanting to punch the old guys arguing about tipping in the face. I even say "I think this is exactly what the world needs, another tipping discussion!" I am ignored. After about an hour of folding I raise AA to like 21 bucks and of course like 5 people call. Flop comes jack high and one of the old guys donks into me. Could mean set but whatever, I have AA so I shove, he calls. Turn J, River K, he tables KJ while saying "I got you crushed." Yes, indeed you do. I check my phone, see that my friends are playing blackjack and want me to come, and depart.
So despite having an average IQ of about 140 these clowns are playing the Pussycat Dolls blackjack game at Caesars, where BJ pays 6:5 and you can only double on 11, all for the pleasure of looking a clothed women dance on a pole. I briefly contemplate telling them that for what they are giving up in EV they could go to the Rhino for hours, but remember that they think I'm stupid, mumble some stuff under my breath, and STFU.
For some reason we end up at Planet Hollywood, probably because someone got word that the dealers look like strippers. They don't: they look like underage Thai hookers. Our dealer looks right out of a Travel forum trip report. I sit with $500 at BJ and lose it in 2 shoes. Betting the minimum. At a $10 table. In what will become a theme for the trip, the rest of the table points and laughs as I find new and exciting ways to lose. It was a truly incredible run, which I fully expect to replicate if and when I play blackjack again.
After that debacle I wander over to watch my other (different) millionaire friend get back to back full houses at the game where you get three cards and use the dealer's two cards. Sick life.
Dejected, I head over to poker and sit patiently in possibly the best poker game I've ever sat in. Everyone else is blackout drunk. I just sit there folding until I finally play KJ against the whole table. The flop comes QQ10 and checks through. The turn is a 9, I bet and get it in against a fat Mexican dude. Before I even know what has happened he explodes out of his seat screaming and I know I am toast. He has Q5, river was of course a 5, NH. Then a funny think happens. He starts pointing at me and laughing, hard. Then the rest of the table joins in, until literally every single person is pointing and laughing at me. Uh, ok? I stumble home, order some bad porn and go to bed.
This is ****ing long, so unless people care to hear the rest I'm gonna be done.
02-22-2013
, 12:26 AM
02-22-2013
, 12:32 AM
02-22-2013
, 12:38 AM
02-22-2013
, 12:40 AM
02-22-2013
, 12:46 AM
02-22-2013
, 12:47 AM
02-22-2013
, 12:48 AM
02-22-2013
, 12:54 AM
02-22-2013
, 01:09 AM
lol
02-22-2013
, 01:26 AM
