Sporting Events FAQ, Liveblog, and BANGERS
01-13-2012
, 04:20 AM
01-13-2012
, 04:25 AM
01-13-2012
, 04:25 AM
01-13-2012
, 12:39 PM
01-13-2012
, 04:02 PM
01-13-2012
, 06:41 PM
i think he's trying to say you're *****
Last edited by PocketChads; 01-13-2012 at 06:42 PM.
Reason: three letter word with a -y on the end but needs an extra g so a -gy on the end
01-13-2012
, 07:24 PM
01-13-2012
, 08:21 PM
SomethingClever's post in that bodybuilder/gorilla thread is so good:
Quote:
Here's my crack team of 12 gorilla killers:
1. Alexander Karelin, 6'4" 286 lbs.
Godlike Russian wrestler who routinely picked up 250+ lb. men and threw them to the ground.
2. Nikolai Valuev, 7'0" 320 lbs.
Another Russian beast who is athletic enough at his size to have been a successful heavyweight boxer. Bonus: Gorilla may confuse Valuev for a fellow gorilla; this could lead to all kinds of strategic advantages.
Ty Cobb, 6'1" 175 lbs.
Ty is fairly average sized, but you'd be hard pressed to find a meaner human, or one with less inhibition about ripping a gorilla's nuts off.
4. Mariusz Pudzianowski, 6'1", 255 lbs.
5-time world strongman winner, MMA competitor, Jesus Christ just look at the guy.
5. Whichever Navy SEAL shot Osama bin Laden, probably 6'2" 200 lbs.
We can assume the guy is trained in all kinds of deadly arts and would be a valuable addition to the gorilla-killing team even without any specialized gear or weapons. Having already taken down Osama, subduing an overgrown chimp should be a walk in the park.
6. Genghis Khan, 5'4" 145 lbs.
Don't let his small stature fool you, Genghis led armies that, by some estimates, killed between 10-15 million people as his mongol empire stomped all around the East in the middle ages. If anyone can successfully mobilize 12 humans against a silverback, it's this guy.
7. Tim Tebow, 6'3" 236 lbs.
In addition to being a world-class athlete, Tebow inspires his fellow men to achieve their maximum potential. Some may question the mechanics of his kill strikes, but at the end of the day, he always seems to find a way to ram a human shin bone through the gorilla's throat.
8. Mike Tyson, 5'10 220 lbs.
Yeah, yeah, the gorilla has scary teeth. Guess who else isn't afraid to bite?
9. Steve Irwin, 5'11" 190 lbs.
He knows the gorilla better than the gorilla knows himself. Count on this guy to have a thumb up that ape's butthole within the first 10 seconds of the battle.
10. Andre the Giant, 7'4" 475 lbs.
Best case, his massive size helps pin the silverback as others pulverize its body. Worst case, his arms and legs can be used as giant bats.
11. Hannibal Lecter, 5'9" 165 lbs.
While less physically formidable than his teammates, Hannibal is intelligent and devious. 5 minutes into the battle he will probably be wearing Mike Tyson's face and playing dead. When the gorilla is distracted, he will strike it the perfect pressure point, causing it to lose consciousness. Then all he needs is a nice chianti and some fava beans.
12. Justin Bieber, 5'10" 130 lbs.
I'm so confident that the other 11 will get the job done that I can afford to put Justin Bieber on the team.
1. Alexander Karelin, 6'4" 286 lbs.
Godlike Russian wrestler who routinely picked up 250+ lb. men and threw them to the ground.
2. Nikolai Valuev, 7'0" 320 lbs.
Another Russian beast who is athletic enough at his size to have been a successful heavyweight boxer. Bonus: Gorilla may confuse Valuev for a fellow gorilla; this could lead to all kinds of strategic advantages.
Ty Cobb, 6'1" 175 lbs.
Ty is fairly average sized, but you'd be hard pressed to find a meaner human, or one with less inhibition about ripping a gorilla's nuts off.
4. Mariusz Pudzianowski, 6'1", 255 lbs.
5-time world strongman winner, MMA competitor, Jesus Christ just look at the guy.
5. Whichever Navy SEAL shot Osama bin Laden, probably 6'2" 200 lbs.
We can assume the guy is trained in all kinds of deadly arts and would be a valuable addition to the gorilla-killing team even without any specialized gear or weapons. Having already taken down Osama, subduing an overgrown chimp should be a walk in the park.
6. Genghis Khan, 5'4" 145 lbs.
Don't let his small stature fool you, Genghis led armies that, by some estimates, killed between 10-15 million people as his mongol empire stomped all around the East in the middle ages. If anyone can successfully mobilize 12 humans against a silverback, it's this guy.
7. Tim Tebow, 6'3" 236 lbs.
In addition to being a world-class athlete, Tebow inspires his fellow men to achieve their maximum potential. Some may question the mechanics of his kill strikes, but at the end of the day, he always seems to find a way to ram a human shin bone through the gorilla's throat.
8. Mike Tyson, 5'10 220 lbs.
Yeah, yeah, the gorilla has scary teeth. Guess who else isn't afraid to bite?
9. Steve Irwin, 5'11" 190 lbs.
He knows the gorilla better than the gorilla knows himself. Count on this guy to have a thumb up that ape's butthole within the first 10 seconds of the battle.
10. Andre the Giant, 7'4" 475 lbs.
Best case, his massive size helps pin the silverback as others pulverize its body. Worst case, his arms and legs can be used as giant bats.
11. Hannibal Lecter, 5'9" 165 lbs.
While less physically formidable than his teammates, Hannibal is intelligent and devious. 5 minutes into the battle he will probably be wearing Mike Tyson's face and playing dead. When the gorilla is distracted, he will strike it the perfect pressure point, causing it to lose consciousness. Then all he needs is a nice chianti and some fava beans.
12. Justin Bieber, 5'10" 130 lbs.
I'm so confident that the other 11 will get the job done that I can afford to put Justin Bieber on the team.
01-13-2012
, 08:36 PM
