Baseball
I don't even need to say why. Rocker does that perfectly:
Feelings on playing in New York: "I'd retire first. It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing... The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?"
Honorable Mention:
Shane Victorino: just a dirty player. There's a difference between hard-nosed (which I would consider Utley) and outright dirty.
Joba Chamberlain: no need to have a seizure after every inning is over. More tolerable now that he's in relief, but when he was a starter I didn't like seeing fist pumps after the 2nd inning.
Armando Benitez, Timo Perez, Kenny Rogers: anyone who ruined the 1999-2000 Mets seasons for themselves. Benitez is a choker, Perez is an idiot, and Rogers (in addition to assaulting cameramen) ended the best playoff series I've ever seen (the 1999 NLCS) with a walkoff walk.
Football
I admit, he's an amazing, amazing coach. But nobody can deny that his personality leaves something to be desired. I don't care about Spygate. I don't care about any postgame handshake hoopla. I don't care about anything other than one sentence:
"I resign as HC of the NYJ"
He didn't even have the balls to show his face when he resigned, he just sent in a note. Unbelievable.
Honorable mention:
Brett Favre: the answer everyone agrees upon. Retire. Or don't. But do something.
Doug Brien: 2 opportunities to go to the AFC championship game. 2 opportunities missed.
Basketball
I hate you. I hate when you smile that obnoxious smile, which we all know is a defense mechanism to hide that inner depression about how much you suck. I hate when you sexually harass female employees and make that the headline of the New York tabloids. I hate when you run a franchise into the ground, and hate it even more when you make it impossible for them to be competitive until 5 years after you're gone. **** you, **** you, **** you.
Honorable mention:
There is nobody that I hate nearly as much as Isiah Thomas.