Bills at Vikings

I legitimately have no idea who coaches the Bills.

Packers at Redskins

The Redskins are everything that is wrong with the NFL. Terrible NFC LEAST team constantly in national TV games, check. Piece of **** deplorable owner, check. Degenerate fan base, check. Overly corporate stadium that delivers a terrible experience, check. Pros are apparently on Washington because the public overvalues Godgers. That's impossible. If you were to sell $1,000,000 of term life insurance on Mike McCarthy, how much would you charge?

Broncos at Ravens

I know what you're thinking, and yes, Joe Flacco sucks. You know who else sucks? Case Keenum. Public sleeps on the huge early season home field in Denver - this team screams "we suck." I hate laying points too, but take Baltimore. I just realized this is a rematch of the Rahim Moore game and will be in a bad mood for the remainder of the day.

Colts at Eagles

Captain Andrew Luck is an amazing twitter follow. Not Amazing: Nick Foles. Big dick Nick sure looks like he Jamie Golded the playoffs last year, and now they're rushing Wentz back. Not a popular opinion, but unless Carson stops running he's a candidate to get Shanny'd. The Colts played the Bengals even then beat Washington soundly. Take the points.

49ers at Chiefs

After reading Chiefsplanet I can't in good conscience root for Kansas City. I somehow hadn't realized that KC is deplorable ground zero. Not that the Silicon Valley Niners are much better. I somehow didn't realize until recently just how insufferable tech bros are. Every bit as insufferable as garden variety Trumpkins. I have no opinion on the spread here.

Giants at Texans

The "sharp" handicap here is that the Giants looked bad on TV, played the Jags close, and aren't that bad. Bull****. I seriously think Eli is the 31st best QB in the league. And Gettleman. And that Line. They ****ing suck. Even NFC LEAST fanbases have to be sick of this AIDS division by now.

Bengals at Panthers

I hope Mike Brown gets AIDS and dies the day after Beto institutes a 100% estate tax. There is no single person who better demonstrates how ****ed up this country is than Mike Brown (OK, Mark Davis, conceded). He is an absolute moron and piece of **** who has sucked that city dry. The franchise also demonstrates how hopelessly dumb people are. Why buy a ticket and give that POS money?

TAX CAPITAL, NOT LABOR

Raiders at Dolphins

Hot Take: Jon Gruden is a good coach.Unfortunately, that roster just isn't very good. Taking two firsts was smart and they'll have tons of cap room. Separately, GOOD JOB GOOD EFFORT AFC EAST FOR MY WHOLE ****ING LIFE. I have no opinion on the Dolphins. They seem destined for their usual 8-8 season.

Titans at Jags

Again, why do the Titans exist? Name 3 non quarterbacks on this team. Name 2. I can't. Neither can you. Name their coach! You can't.

Chargers at Rams

I find the Chargers "home" field hilarious. This is arguably a politically incorrect take, but I have trouble distinguishing the Chargers coach from several other African American coaches whose facial expression never changes. The Jets and Broncos coaches come to mind. RIP Jim Caldwell and Romeo Crennel. Of course, no trouble distinguishing Romeo as he's a walking heart attack.

Cowboys at Seahawks

I'll say it until he's fired, Pete Carrol is a 9/11 truther and Jordan Peterson enthusiast. **** that guy.

Bears at Cardinals

I could have skipped this game and none of you would have noticed.

Patriots at Lions

I laughed my ass off when someone on twitter pointed out that Matt Fatricia carries around a laminated play sheet and has a pencil behind his ear. Absolutely perfect. Did you know he was a nuclear scientist? More importantly, and I really think this needs to get more attention, HOW ****ING FAT IS THIS GUY??? Can you imagine Tom Brady's nutrition guy rubbing elbows with him in the Pats facility? LOLOOLOLOLLLL.

Enjoy the games.

very cromulent OP


Fatricia is a nuclear scientist!?

*ded*

You missed the biggest game of the week

The Falcons will RISE UP and defend Mercedes-Benz Stadium against the hated Saints in one of the best rivalries in the NFL

Started this thread early.

If you're going to mention taking a side then tell us what the ****ing spread is!

And GJGE skipping the Falcons/Saints

Blaine Gabbert versus the Jaguars. I'm sure this will go well.