It's fine and dandy and she likes me. And I hate comparing it to the other one because that one has turned out to be an actual psycho bitch (who I haven't talked to in over a month
[ever since she held a house party and started banging 2 more random dudes despite still having 3 ex boyfriends chasing her around,]) but you can't control what you feel. I just don't feel in love with this one... I don't hold her hand walking down the beach and feel that everything in the entire world is right and no matter what else happens in my life, I will have succeeded. I just feel so... average.
I mean, the sex is good and she's an actual reasonable person who tells you when something is wrong or what she wants. Like actual communication in a relationship. So that's all good. But I just don't "feel" it. I'm not as attracted to her, and being with her doesn't make me feel as powerful as being with the other girl did...
For a long time I would be jealous of people who had been in a few longterm relationships and had a lot of sex. These people would often tell me "I still haven't found what I'm looking for in a partner." And I'd tell them that's fair, but at least they had "somebody" to keep them company and make them feel decent for a while. This new girl... is just that somebody. I do enjoy spending time with her and making love to her and all that, but ultimately she's not the one. I don't picture my life with her.
Life is full of so many average things. Love shouldn't be one of them.
But I haven't been leading her on or anything like "ohh I love you." I've been pretty clear that it's casual and low key. I'll take it for the time being. But I do hope that one day I find another girl who makes me feel like the first...