Good morning! How about those Wolverines!

Welcome to Week 9 of the NFL. Frankly guys, I'm a bit hurt by the lack of positive feedback for my preview posts. But I know this is a tough crowd, and salt of the earth midwesterners like me don't ever give up.

Another strong midwestern talent who doesn't give up is NATHAN PETERMAN, a product of beautiful Pittsburgh, PA (seriously, its beautiful - I was surprised too). The Bills are +10 at home vs. the Bears. This with an over under of 37. Hilarious. Pro betting tip - correlated parlays are available. Bears/Over and Bills/Under. I'm on the latter because that defense is legitimately quite good.

Steelers at Ravens -2

I can't be the only one perpetually annoyed by the media's treatment of Ray Lewis. They let him rant incoherently, they constantly overlook his obvious and continued PED use, and most importantly they ignore THAT HE IS A ****ING MURDERER. I'm on the Steelers here, nice teaser number as well.

Lions at Vikings -5

Get this: Male Ina Garden berated a reporter this week about his posture. Seriously. This ****ing guy. Football coach culture seems so, so bad. YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I AM IN CHARGE!!! OK, but, uh, you're 400 ****ing pounds and have no idea what you're doing? I WAS A ROCKET SCIENTIST YOU WILL DO AS I SAY.

Obviously on the Vikings here.

Falcons at Redskins -1

As far as I can tell, Dan Snyder made all his money on direct mail scamming of stupid people. Which is actually more legitimate than what I expected. I've recently tried to improve my daily experience remaining me people like Dan Snyder and Donald Trump are mostly miserable all day.

Tax Capital, Not Labor. Sharps are on WAS, I'm on ATL.

FITZMAGIC at Carolina -6.5

James Winston was reportedly shocked when he was told of his benching. I find this funny. I think we're squarely in the "god mode" part of the Harvard Performance Cycle. 6.5 is too many points!

Chiefs at Browns +9

A great rule of NFL betting is to do the opposite of your gut. So I'm on the Browns here.

Jets at Dolphins -3

Time for your weekly reminder that the Jets coach in incapable of moving the muscles in his face. He actually seems like a pretty good coach though. I take satisfaction in Mike Greenberg being reduced to Skip Bayless - like hot takes on twitter after his career completely collapsing.

Chargers at Seahawks Pick

The Chargers have beaten exclusively terrible teams and are long overdue for some serious lol rivers. Meanwhile, Seattle is suddenly good again. Here is your weekly reminder that Pete Carrol is a 9/11 truther and Jordan Peterson fan.

Texans at Broncos -1

I would like to thank Denver for constantly backdoor covering this season. I would also like to point out that in a league full of complete imbeciles Bill O'Brien is remarkably dumb.

Rams at Saints +2

Saints opened -2 and are now +2. The world seems to be realizing that this Rams team is potentially historic. I have no idea who is going to win but over under is 60 and it should be fun. Reminder Tom Benson built a business empire and spend his final years being kept from his children by his gold digging wife who now owns the team. Choose your spouses carefully guys!

Packers at Pats -6

Solid schedule this week, for once. But it is really hard to watch these single featured games after mainlining redzone all day. That said, I really love watching that fat idiot do his thing every single week.

See you in the thread.

needs more WENTZ

Hyped for this week, especially after last week. Thanks for making these threads!

Does Chris Mortensen regularly drink before a broadcast or is this a special occasion?

I take satisfaction that I don't have to hear Greeney on my morning drive, though Wingo is almost as bad (Wingo at least takes a breath)

8/10, dinged two points and fifteen yards for politarding.

Fat Patricia going to get worked, Vikings by a bunch. LOL Lions.

Jets/Dolphins apparently going to played in slop, should be hliariously bad.

This is a great ****ing slate of games this week

I'll be at Falcons/Skins

But Dan Snyder said all tickets have been sold out since the RFK Stadium days. You must have paid a fortune for these seats!

Never forget.

how come so many browns things happen to the browns

That is absolutely incredible. Had forgotten. Also Browns: the ref threw a flag into Orlando Brown’s eye, blinding him and ending his career (think it was Triplette).

it really is
and gets better and better as the day goes until
BARDY GODGERS tonight holy ****

enjoy the game and please beat the skins thx

who in the world is betting on the browns

Kinda entertained by Sam Ponder as she is losing more and more of her voice. Hang in there Sam!

IN

JFC Corso.

If you want a slobbering moron up there, DR LOU is available.

Gimme my LOLs, NFL!

SCOTT

My body is ready

browns trading for mccarthy would bring such the lols

NFL needs to just stop with the PR bull****. Literally nobody is buying this, *******s.

how many arrests in the big rape/flacco game

week 2 of scott being octobox number 8 lol

oh its **** YEAH MILITARY BLOWN **** UP WOO BULLETS month

1. fitz
2. god
3. rodgers
4. wentz
5. jesus

NFL needs something different than an opening kickoff for a touchback to start games