Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrisV
Let's take this in particular, because this is a good example of where this woman's perspective is being accepted as fact. Here's the lead-in to this:
So OK, this seems pretty pushy, but only to the extent of being a sleaze. Here Ansari is saying he wants to have vaginal sex. So she goes to the bathroom and collects herself and then we get this:
Note that this is not a general "no". She's had 5 minutes in the bathroom calming down, she's not being put on the spot here. To Ansari, this might look like she is just starstruck and nervous and wants to slow down a bit, especially since we don't know how it was delivered. It may have been delivered in a lighthearted kind of way.
But what Ansari thinks, maybe, is that wants to slow down meaning not jump straight to vaginal sex. Remember, this is what happened at the start of the encounter:
So to Ansari, it looks like she's comfortable with all that and then has gotten nervous about vaginal sex. So when he says "let's chill on the couch", what he means is going back to the stuff they were doing before, oral sex and so forth. He thinks she was OK with that. If he hasn't read her cues that she's uncomfortable, there's no reason for him to think otherwise. He's also just asked her if she's OK and she has not communicated to him clearly that she's uncomfortable with the whole encounter. Then when he wants her to go down on him again, she goes ahead and does it, further confirming to him that she is currently comfortable with everything short of full sex.
Is this all the correct reading? I have no idea. It's one possibility. Ansari being an abusive ******* is also a possibility. What I'm saying is that we only have her account to go on, and her view of everything that was said and done is coloured by a general uncomfortableness with what was happening that I'm not convinced she communicated to Ansari.
Yeah, dude. We only have her account to go off of and as such we are going off that. It's a given. Inventing other stuff that neither one is asserting is ridic.
Even if you are saying she was drawing the line at vaginal sex in his mind, he kept saying he was going to **** her after that (invented) understanding. Your propped-up fantasy defense ignores that.
Where the **** is his agency? He claimed he was concerned about the possibility of her not enjoying some of it and still went over the line again and again. Once you know there is a line either back the **** off or clarify. It's basic.
And dude, since you are apparently as clueless as him, or he pretended to be, or maybe both of you are pretending, let me give you a lesson here. If a woman ever says she doesn't want to feel forced moving forward, well she is saying she is currently feeling forced. You are on your way to non-consensual sex there, pal and (hey!) potentially already crossed a line. Red flag, Romeo!
Jesus, if a woman you are trying to have sex with says that to you and you don't know what it means
and are too much of a spineless pos to build up the guts to clarify you have no right to put the onus on her to have more gravitas in the communication department. The dude was too shy or obtuse to ask what she meant and had to keep guessing wrong but she is at fault for not being even more blatant?
The thing is, Chris, when you gave your preamble about being worried about being misinterpreted as condoning his behavior I took it at face value. But here you are with a defense written out on his behalf.
Last edited by Johnny Truant; 01-16-2018 at 03:23 AM.