The entire teevee, every channel, becomes Lord Obama's at 8pm

Gogogogogogo

CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN

West Point crowd gives our Kenyan President a Standing O

I'm at work, so can somebody please do a STA-style rundown?

Let's do it


Obama:

Sand Nazis brought war on us on Sept 11th; we had to invade Afghanistan. Taliban harbored these Sand Nazis, and everyone but one Representative plus some foreign types all voted and agreed we should bring our Freedom Bombs to Afghanistan give Afghanistan freedom and also give us security.

Obama:

...then we went to Iraq and **** completely hit the fan. Oops, sorry about that. We're bringing the Iraq War to an end, and we'll be outta there completely by 2011, I swears it on the precious. Because I love the troops. Oops but all that Iraq stuff distracted us from Afghanistan, so now we need more Freedom Bombs to give Afghanistan freedom again.

got to love those gritty troops and hope which they bring

Troops serving in Iraq are like the David Eckstein of the armed forces.

Obama:

I've got a new strategy for the war in Afghanistan that will also take care of the Sand Nazis hiding in Pakistan. We've made some progress, but also things are still pretty ****ed up.

Obama:

The status quo is unsustainable, so I'm going to send some of you guys to Afghanistan. But I'm not delaying. I've been reviewing stuff, asking the hard questions, talking to the national security team, the key international partners, and pretty much everyone that sounds important. So I'm sending 30k more troops for 18 months, then you're all coming home.

A+ so far. It's REALLY REALLY important guys! So what if we told you the same thing about Iraq. That was a cluster****! This will be much better in the remaining 8 years we have there.

Ah, the perfect compromise between looking tough and being incompetent.

blah blah ****ing blah.

it just boggles my mind how people swallow this at this point.

Que?

Obama:

We should always consider the long term consequences of our actions. There's a highly partisan atmosphere and the economy is completely ****ed up. I mean COMPLETELY ****ED UP. So Americans are trying to find jobs and don't really give a crap about this war stuff anymore. I'd send all the troops home right now if I didn't think our security was at stake from the violent extremism of Al Qaedafacism. But I can't, because there's Al Qaedafascism and they'll kill us if we don't send more troops.

I'm interested to see the Hannity's and Beck's spins on this. War good... but Obama bad... so confused...

Poor Obama. He doesn't WANT to send more, he just has NO CHOICE

Incidentally, Bush ALSO didn't want to go to war with Iraq, but they left him no choice, either

Aren't sending ENOUGH troops obv.

im surprised this isnt for the children tbpfh

woooo no more blank checks

Hilldog in da house

Whew! I am glad we are no longer interested in occupying other countries

Obama:

Goals for the surge -- no more Al Qaeda, no more Taliban, more security.

Three ways to meet the goals -- break the momentum of the Taliban with the 30k troops and train Afghan freedom fighters for freedom fighting.

Second, the UN will figure out the civilian stuff. President Karzai is a nice guy but no more blank check. He's going to be held accountable. Let's call it a civilian surge? Civilian Surge? Yeah, Civilian Surge will work.

Before I go any further, I want to talk to the Afghan people. We don't want to kill you anymore. Trust us. We're your partner, not your patron.

Last, our success in Afghanistan is dependent on Pakistan. Pakistan has some Islamofascism cancer and I've got just the chemotherapy for the Sand Nazis who live in Pakistan. Now I'm going to name some places in Pakistan to demonstrate I know what I'm talking about: Waziristan, Islamabad, South Wazirstan. I will root out the cancer in these places, because now I know their names.

he doesnt say aannnnd anymore.