As I said, I found the actual job of talking about it pretty easy: "Emma got very sick and we took her to the vet, but they couldn't make her feel better, and she died. Dying means that she got so sick that her body stopped working altogether and when something dies, that means they can never get better again. That means that Emma's never going to be back." What is hard is that kids express their grief in raw, pure form without any social niceties to sand the edges off. Like, her response to that explanation was "But I love Emma so much!", which is a normal, sweet, healthy response, but damn.

Yeah. I guess that's what I meant by hard. I would find that hard. You want to give kids hope, it's tough to confront them with the irreversible. Sounds like you did a great job, though, so that she can understand it.

+1. RIP Emma

Sorry about Emma.

It gets tricky when they make the connection that you are going to die someday, and then new layers emerge when kids at school start talking about heaven to them, if you are not going along with that. Now you have to figure out how to explain complexities of differing faith and prompt care in when they should and shouldn’t push back. That same care is not afforded the other way, the church families have no problem sending their kids out to tell the world what happens when we die. I want to be more considerate of that, but she’s got questions and it’s a lot of responsibility to put on a first grader to navigate social implications of religious discussions at recess. She’s smart enough to feel put upon to have to listen to other’s cock sure faith talk as if it’s granted. Sorry we are heathens, sweetie.

We gots more to learn than to teach in these situations, it seems.

My kids had two grandparents that they were close to die when they were like 4 to 8 years old. I honestly don't remember hard conversations. I may have just forgotten.

In my opinion, once a child is 6+ years old and appears to have a "mature" understanding of death (e.g. that death is irreversable, not caused by others' bad thoughts, etc.), I think it's fine to state "no one knows for certain what happens after we die, but I'd like to believe that we...." and then fill in the blanks.

"...Death is an eternal sleep"

I think it's harder when they're a little older.

RIP Emma

IANAP but always imagined breaking it to my kids shortly after Santa falls, explaining you go back to where you were before you were here. That was before lol obv simulation.


Emma looks beautiful. RIP

That's ridiculous. Not surprised to hear the place was a train wreck. Anyone who pulls an offer because you wanted to negotiate is doing you a favor.

Emma looks like a sweetheart, RIP

The small, random ways in which inconspicuous government policies can have a large effect on people: Living in the western edge of a time zone increases average rates of health problems

The more west you are within a given time zone, the later the sun sets for you - the article cites the example of Panama City, FL having a sunset of 7:12pm right now, while Pecos, TX (still in the same time zone) has an 8:52pm sunset. People with a later sunset go to bed later, but typically still have to wake up at the same time as everyone else, because work and school aren't going to wait for them. And so:

I think this can be a good explanation to someone who does not believe in an afterlife and is panicked about going into nothingness.

I believe it was Epicurus who stated that it seemed silly to worry about where you'll be, if anywhere, after you die, since it's not like you worry about where exactly you were before you were here on Earth.

Similarly, I like to think of life like a giant, always moving cosmic train, where all during the ride various people are entering (i.e. born), riding, and exiting (i.e. dying). In this sense, the post-ride void is no different from the pre-ride void.

Too many https://s

Thank you.

Bob, I'm sorry to hear about Emma. I had a cat for 20 years that wasn't sweet at all. If she'd been a person she'd have been a sociopath. Every once in a while she'd bite me out of nowhere. Sometimes she'd just wake up from a nap and turn around to nip me. If I look close the scars on my forearms are still there. She's been gone over 10 years but I still miss that damn cat.

On death, I think of it pretty much like ChessPain and Max. Having seen some of what happens at the end of life, the process of dying scares me more than what comes after. I'm glad I don't have to guide kids through that. It sounds like you're doing a good job.

This is the exact line we took. So far.

The thing I try to fold in is my own memories of what was confusing to me as a child. I’m finding it exceedingly easy to use them asking questions as a guide but I know that’s maybe not right. I certainly did not ask about all the things I wondered and my parents were not proactive on uncomfortable topics which got answers from some dubious sources instead.

I guess my point is it is questionable if waiting for them to instigate some of the more profound and potentially difficult facets of these topics is optimal under the assumption that they will ask when they are ready. It’s certainly convenient, though and that’s an important factor I don’t want to be clouded by.

so sorry about your kitty, bobman

i hope it starts to get easier for you soon

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I wouldn't see any reason to initiate any deeper discussions about death with children unless they seem to be in some kind of unspoken distress that appears to be about death.

I'm in the same boat as you with a high deductible plan. They're such garbage, you have no incentive to get proper care for anything that isn't going to cost a lot of money. I had to get a CT scan and did what you said you were going to do, just paid cash out of pocket at a clinic rather than going through insurance to save money. Also needed a colonoscopy, and since I travel a lot I just waited till I was in India and did it there at a clinic (a much nicer place than some of you would imagine!) for a fraction of the cost. I always do my dental overseas as well. The system is just so so dumb. Burn it to the ground.

Were you at fault in the accident?