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Old 10-27-2013, 12:19 PM   #26
iCrush Souls
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

I do wish you the best of luck though and that you could pull through this!
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Old 10-27-2013, 02:44 PM   #27
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Thanks for the comments, keep it coming.
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Old 10-27-2013, 02:51 PM   #28
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

I know where you're coming from man. Whenever i have serious female problems. My poker level goes completely down the drain. You obv try to focus. But your mind is completely in another world. Unless people experience it first hand, they cant really understand what you mean.
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Old 10-27-2013, 03:51 PM   #29
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nirwanda View Post




Anyway, there was at some point then I ran one of the worst bluffs of my poker career. It actually worked, but it was crap, because despite having all sorts of nut blockers my flop and turnplay don't correlate with the story I was telling (and I still can't believe he folded what he did).

Grabbed by Holdem Manager
NL Holdem $4(BB) Replayer
SB ($216)
BB ($687)
UTG ($462)
CO ($400)
Hero ($400)

Dealt to Hero Q 8

fold, fold, Hero raises to $8, fold, BB calls $4

FLOP ($18) 7 5 4

BB checks, Hero checks

TURN ($18) 7 5 4 Q

BB bets $12, Hero calls $12

RIVER ($42) 7 5 4 Q J

BB bets $20, Hero raises to $56, BB raises to $132, Hero raises to $380 (AI), BB folds

BB shows 5 5

Hero wins $303

villain says: "nh if u bluffed"

.

wtf,
shouldn`t this be given your likely range just clearly in your callinrange OTR?
Other than this:

Idk,
some little good read,
but so many things you also did not correct mentalwise during the downer and your situation mostly improved (mentalwise) cause results came (life-wise (****ing sis of buddy) and then also pokerwise))...

So not too impressing to me tbh..
Still sure you can take something out for yourself after this tiem by reflecting and grow your personality...

so gl with this!

In general it`s important I guess to strive for never letting things be everything in your life where it comes down that you connect your selfesteem mostly with those things...
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Old 10-27-2013, 06:03 PM   #30
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

How hot was the girl?

Leaving thread if over 6
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Old 10-28-2013, 12:44 PM   #31
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

I thought you were a better player than to get down over pretty trivial results OP. Firstly accept you were running hot previously (16bb over 50k hands must be very nice I can't recall many heaters like that), secondly try figure out what went wrong with the last girl if it has anything to do with poker then re-eval how often you play and dedicate time to gf more in future if she's worth it.
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Old 10-28-2013, 03:02 PM   #32
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nirwanda View Post
I'm turning 30 in december, so I'm basically a dinousaur in the poker world.
I guess that makes me primordial ooze.

Cool story. I've been there. Look at my avatar
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Old 10-28-2013, 03:28 PM   #33
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

cool read I wrote a long story about my poker life in another forum a few months back where depression was the cause of a lot of my problems.

As far as to what cashy said - I don't know whether I agree or disagree. Yes, you could argue that poker isn't for you if it causes so many problems in life. But for me playing poker makes me happy most of the time. It's something I'm good at and not a complete failure at. With loads of other things in life I just lack so much confidence in myself. A few weeks ago I was all optimistic about getting a job - I wanted to just work in a bookies for now and then hopefully get a job in the betting industry down the line. But I didn't get any further than the online application and since then I've just lacked any motivation for looking for a job.

Whilst poker may seem to cause some problems for you, who's to say that being stuck in a dead end boring job will be any better for you/your health? If you're making good money playing poker and enjoy doing it then I think continuing with it is fine. But maybe add some more variety in your life which might hopefully take your mind off poker when you are on a bad downswing!
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:20 AM   #34
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Found myself in your story. All in one session <3

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Old 11-05-2013, 07:40 AM   #35
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

nice thread. wouldn't have guessed 29!
pics of girl for 5 stars rating.
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Old 11-05-2013, 09:00 AM   #36
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

this is the life , enjoyed reading keep it up
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Old 11-05-2013, 09:01 AM   #37
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

i get pretty overly downbeat during tough times playing but i don't think that means you're not cut out to play professionally; i think it makes you human

part of what appeals to me about poker is the fact that i still care so much about winning. sure the money is nice, but earning it whilst doing something you're passionate about is so much more. there's a difference between having a poor outlook (i.e. not understanding variance, i mean posting that 56s v AA hand wtf lol) and caring about your results

gl with your recovery
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:16 AM   #38
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Blonde View Post
i get pretty overly downbeat during tough times playing but i don't think that means you're not cut out to play professionally; i think it makes you human
getting downbeat is normal, completely losing it and falling into a deep depression is not

poker is a very hard job to deal with psychologically and you are confronted with extraordinary problems on a fairly regular basis(i have been trough soooo much in the last 7 or so years) so if your poker-results have so much influence on your mood that you are close to a full-blown depression whenever things go wrong it is +happy life ev to just call it quits and do something else
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:20 AM   #39
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

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getting downbeat is normal, completely losing it and falling into a deep depression is not

poker is a very hard job to deal with psychologically and you are confronted with extraordinary problems on a fairly regular basis(i have been trough soooo much in the last 7 or so years) so if your poker-results have so much influence on your mood that you are close to a full-blown depression whenever things go wrong it is +happy life ev to just call it quits and do something else
This is very true. I played online poker for 5 years, I just hit 30 and I feel like all the desire to get better is just gone. Results affected me more and more as time passed, which is strange, because I thought you become less sensitive as you become more experienced. I quit, and I book it as a phase in my life which is now over.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:22 AM   #40
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Easy to say cashy, lot easyer that to do it. It's like that you say to a accountant who doesnt like his job- leave and find some work you love. LOL. 99% of people is happy they even have work. And second thing, its a little bit complicated to quit poker and find some "normal" 9-5 work after you are used to "pokerlife". OP had big DS, needed someone to tell about it, thats what forums usually are made for GL OP, hope u do good in future.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:52 AM   #41
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cashy View Post
getting downbeat is normal, completely losing it and falling into a deep depression is not

poker is a very hard job to deal with psychologically and you are confronted with extraordinary problems on a fairly regular basis(i have been trough soooo much in the last 7 or so years) so if your poker-results have so much influence on your mood that you are close to a full-blown depression whenever things go wrong it is +happy life ev to just call it quits and do something else
yeh of course, i'm just saying clearly the impact of splitting up with his girlfriend suddenly made this a completely different scenario. you can't expect to be impacted with emotional trauma everytime you happen to have a bit of a downswing. either preparing for this or expecting yourself to cope with it fine is absurd imo
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Old 11-05-2013, 12:06 PM   #42
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Good read man, thanks for sharing.

Cashy makes a valid point, getting (to) quickly in a state of mind like you did isn't the best set up to be a professional player.
Nevertheless in any line of business people encounter mental problems. I mean how many 'office people' suffer from a burn out or w/e.
Facing your problems and trying to get an understanding of it will make you feel better and stronger. And writing is one of the most essential solutions to work on such problems. Besides that you need a balanced life oc, like all the better pro's nowadays talk about.

And last but not least simply never give up : )


Cheers
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:28 PM   #43
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

nirwanda i still think you're a scumbag but that was a good post.

the emotional side of the game is pretty underlooked imo. maybe not on a day to day level cos obv everyone has **** days, but losing 14 days out of 15 or something puts your capacity to deal with that side of the game to the test.
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Old 11-05-2013, 09:26 PM   #44
ved
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Probably your depression had something to do with turning 30 soon, you know, a point in life, you haven`t achieved as much as you could have had, grinding poker doesn`t sound like greatest future out there etc.

Combine that with some ***** dumping you, huge downer and there you have it.

Nice read tho.
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Old 11-05-2013, 09:52 PM   #45
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Take all this with a grain of salt, but I would somewhat agree with cashy, though maybe for different reasons. The single biggest reason is probably something everyone should think about which is simply- where do you go from poker? I don't know your backstory, but poker is a great lifestyle for now, but how much longer will it be viable? I certainly thought it was for a while, but definitely have to move on at some point. Obviously your (and every individual's choice), but something to remember.

But the other thing is just your mental state and how you let it affect you. As everyone has said, poker is emotional and you went through a rough patch and its great you now got over it. However, the inability to seperate or step back from the game for that while does not bode well. If you are going to be a professional you have to realize the external factors, take them into account and pay attention. You should not be playing in such a situation. Also, big downswings, especially ones where not only are you running bad, but playing bad, can have very long term effects. Honestly, after my big one I was never the same. I lost "it". So beware. Your mileage may vary of course.

Either way, I wish all of ya'll the best of luck.
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Old 11-05-2013, 11:05 PM   #46
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

also looking for a part-time job(or something similar) in an area you are really interested in seems like a great option for you(with the option to make it full-time if you grow tired of poker).
Ill do the same in a few years(im 25) probably pursuing a fitness-related bachelor and then work as a personal-trainer or something.

freedom is still the main advantage of poker and having the option to find a job you really enjoy for the future while not having to worry about money is amazing
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Old 11-06-2013, 05:33 AM   #47
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BGnight View Post
I guess that makes me primordial ooze.

Cool story. I've been there. Look at my avatar
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Old 11-06-2013, 04:17 PM   #48
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To everyone hating on him saying "what have you learned though?" And "you need help, your never going to be a successful poker pro" are completely wrong. Times like this is when a man decides if he is going to succumb to his depression and basically lay down and die or fight. Nirwanda chose to fight and made it out. He crawled out of hell( or at least his hell) I have been to my own personal hell and that is why I can vow for Nirwanda. Weird I know, but my freshman year of high school and sophomore were the worst days of my life and I was severely depressed. I remember just wanting a apocalypse to happen and never wanted to wake up every night I went to sleep. My depression was caused by a severe amount of tragic things happening to me at once. I was a sheltered small town star baseball player but in dreams of becoming a pro baseball player me and my family decided it was best to go to a high school a town an hour away that was big and had a much better program/ exposure. I knew nobody at this school coming into my freshman year of high school (which is hard in itself) I lost almost every friend I had in my small town because they were busy with their new high school and etc. I thought it would be okay and I would make friends from baseball and always thought " it's okay jake you still have baseball" Well everything was good at first. I made varsity as a freshman and was doing great in the pre season games. However that Fall I suffered an injury most pitchers can never come back from. A torn labrum in the shoulder. I did not want to complain about my injury being a Freshman and all I tried to still pitch. My teammates(all much older) would pick on me as my velocity decreased and I was getting the **** hit out of me. The coaches told me what a disappointment I was and "expected much better things from me" so after finally my arm feeling like it was going to fall off I told them I can't pitch anymore( not like it mattered because I was benched by then and just came in some relief spots). At the same time I was going through puberty and got some acne, shaved my head( to this day I don't know why but honestly think it was a way of my own pride just deflating and my own way of saying I was nobody) I felt ugly and was picked on quite a bit (no girl to save the day). While losing baseball the only thing I thought I had left I still had a great family and at least I could fall back on them for comfort. Well, around the same time my injury happened my dad was diagnosed with MG- a muscle weakening dies ease with no known cure. I watched my once strong buff dad who I looked up to slowly start dying. He could not get out of bed most days, could not eat much, and literally was just dying. I was losing everything around me at 14 and had no reason or understanding of how to deal with it. But in these moments I fought and did not give in. I kept going through "hell" until there was no more. My dad had a surgery done as a desperation it might cure him but was only a presumed 15% chance it would work. Well, it did. My role model was back and working out again being the big strong dad I always knew. This gave me a drive back a nudge saying " get up jake". I began searching ways to cure my arm with rehab methods. Well, I did it and my senior year I was all state and pitcher of the year. Almost got drafted too( had Yankees call me, Clemson, UNLV and other big colleges wanted me). This for me was the biggest learning experience in my life. I became my own bestfriend and learned that I can achieve anything. Now whenever I am depressed I almost laugh and like the "pain" because I know it will never defeat me. So if Nirwanda is anything like me that is what these moments teach you.
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Old 11-06-2013, 04:26 PM   #49
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Re: October, a story about poker and my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jDiDo View Post
To everyone hating on him saying "what have you learned though?" And "you need help, your never going to be a successful poker pro" are completely wrong. Times like this is when a man decides if he is going to succumb to his depression and basically lay down and die or fight. Nirwanda chose to fight and made it out. He crawled out of hell( or at least his hell) I have been to my own personal hell and that is why I can vow for Nirwanda. Weird I know, but my freshman year of high school and sophomore were the worst days of my life and I was severely depressed. I remember just wanting a apocalypse to happen and never wanted to wake up every night I went to sleep. My depression was caused by a severe amount of tragic things happening to me at once. I was a sheltered small town star baseball player but in dreams of becoming a pro baseball player me and my family decided it was best to go to a high school a town an hour away that was big and had a much better program/ exposure. I knew nobody at this school coming into my freshman year of high school (which is hard in itself) I lost almost every friend I had in my small town because they were busy with their new high school and etc. I thought it would be okay and I would make friends from baseball and always thought " it's okay jake you still have baseball" Well everything was good at first. I made varsity as a freshman and was doing great in the pre season games. However that Fall I suffered an injury most pitchers can never come back from. A torn labrum in the shoulder. I did not want to complain about my injury being a Freshman and all I tried to still pitch. My teammates(all much older) would pick on me as my velocity decreased and I was getting the **** hit out of me. The coaches told me what a disappointment I was and "expected much better things from me" so after finally my arm feeling like it was going to fall off I told them I can't pitch anymore( not like it mattered because I was benched by then and just came in some relief spots). At the same time I was going through puberty and got some acne, shaved my head( to this day I don't know why but honestly think it was a way of my own pride just deflating and my own way of saying I was nobody) I felt ugly and was picked on quite a bit (no girl to save the day). While losing baseball the only thing I thought I had left I still had a great family and at least I could fall back on them for comfort. Well, around the same time my injury happened my dad was diagnosed with MG- a muscle weakening dies ease with no known cure. I watched my once strong buff dad who I looked up to slowly start dying. He could not get out of bed most days, could not eat much, and literally was just dying. I was losing everything around me at 14 and had no reason or understanding of how to deal with it. But in these moments I fought and did not give in. I kept going through "hell" until there was no more. My dad had a surgery done as a desperation it might cure him but was only a presumed 15% chance it would work. Well, it did. My role model was back and working out again being the big strong dad I always knew. This gave me a drive back a nudge saying " get up jake". I began searching ways to cure my arm with rehab methods. Well, I did it and my senior year I was all state and pitcher of the year. Almost got drafted too( had Yankees call me, Clemson, UNLV and other big colleges wanted me). This for me was the biggest learning experience in my life. I became my own bestfriend and learned that I can achieve anything. Now whenever I am depressed I almost laugh and like the "pain" because I know it will never defeat me. So if Nirwanda is anything like me that is what these moments teach you.
Is your return key broken?
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Old 11-06-2013, 04:39 PM   #50
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Is your return key broken?
Sorry did not realize I was being graded
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