October, a story about poker and my life.
11-06-2013
, 07:01 PM
11-06-2013
, 08:20 PM
Quote:
To everyone hating on him saying "what have you learned though?" And "you need help, your never going to be a successful poker pro" are completely wrong. Times like this is when a man decides if he is going to succumb to his depression and basically lay down and die or fight. Nirwanda chose to fight and made it out. He crawled out of hell( or at least his hell) I have been to my own personal hell and that is why I can vow for Nirwanda. Weird I know, but my freshman year of high school and sophomore were the worst days of my life and I was severely depressed. I remember just wanting a apocalypse to happen and never wanted to wake up every night I went to sleep. My depression was caused by a severe amount of tragic things happening to me at once. I was a sheltered small town star baseball player but in dreams of becoming a pro baseball player me and my family decided it was best to go to a high school a town an hour away that was big and had a much better program/ exposure. I knew nobody at this school coming into my freshman year of high school (which is hard in itself) I lost almost every friend I had in my small town because they were busy with their new high school and etc. I thought it would be okay and I would make friends from baseball and always thought " it's okay jake you still have baseball" Well everything was good at first. I made varsity as a freshman and was doing great in the pre season games. However that Fall I suffered an injury most pitchers can never come back from. A torn labrum in the shoulder. I did not want to complain about my injury being a Freshman and all I tried to still pitch. My teammates(all much older) would pick on me as my velocity decreased and I was getting the **** hit out of me. The coaches told me what a disappointment I was and "expected much better things from me" so after finally my arm feeling like it was going to fall off I told them I can't pitch anymore( not like it mattered because I was benched by then and just came in some relief spots). At the same time I was going through puberty and got some acne, shaved my head( to this day I don't know why but honestly think it was a way of my own pride just deflating and my own way of saying I was nobody) I felt ugly and was picked on quite a bit (no girl to save the day). While losing baseball the only thing I thought I had left I still had a great family and at least I could fall back on them for comfort. Well, around the same time my injury happened my dad was diagnosed with MG- a muscle weakening dies ease with no known cure. I watched my once strong buff dad who I looked up to slowly start dying. He could not get out of bed most days, could not eat much, and literally was just dying. I was losing everything around me at 14 and had no reason or understanding of how to deal with it. But in these moments I fought and did not give in. I kept going through "hell" until there was no more. My dad had a surgery done as a desperation it might cure him but was only a presumed 15% chance it would work. Well, it did. My role model was back and working out again being the big strong dad I always knew. This gave me a drive back a nudge saying " get up jake". I began searching ways to cure my arm with rehab methods. Well, I did it and my senior year I was all state and pitcher of the year. Almost got drafted too( had Yankees call me, Clemson, UNLV and other big colleges wanted me). This for me was the biggest learning experience in my life. I became my own bestfriend and learned that I can achieve anything. Now whenever I am depressed I almost laugh and like the "pain" because I know it will never defeat me. So if Nirwanda is anything like me that is what these moments teach you.
edited some grammar issues sorry I wrote the original post on my phone and kind of just went crazy.*Just want to make it clear that I'm not trying to say I've had it hard by any means. I'm a white kid that lives in America. Does not get much easier than that. Just thought I should share my experience with everyone because it has helped me in all aspects of life, especially when I am dealing with a downswing in poker. Thanks for reading.
To everyone hating on him saying "what have you learned though?" and "you need help, your never going to be a successful poker pro" are completely wrong. Times like this is when a man decides if he is going to succumb to his depression and basically lay down and die or fight.
Nirwanda chose to fight and made it out. He crawled out of hell(or at least his hell). I have been to my own personal hell and that is why I can vow for Nirwanda.
My freshman and sophomore year of high school were the worst days of my life and I was severely depressed. I remember just wanting an apocalypse to happen and never wanting to wake up every night I went to sleep. My depression was caused by a severe amount of tragic things happening to me at once. I was a sheltered small town star baseball player but in dreams of becoming a pro baseball player my family and I decided it was best to go to a high school a town an hour away that was big and had a much better program/exposure.
I knew nobody at this school coming into my freshman year of high school (which is hard in itself). I lost almost every friend I had in my small town because they were busy with their new high school and etc. I thought it would be okay and I would make friends from baseball and always thought "It's okay Jake you still have baseball" Well everything was good at first. I made varsity as a freshman and was doing great in the pre season games.
However, that Fall I suffered an injury most pitchers never come back from called a torn labrum, it is in the shoulder. I did not want to complain about my injury being a freshman and all, so I still tried to pitch. My teammates(all much older) would pick on me as my velocity decreased and I was getting the **** hit out of me. The coaches told me what a disappointment I was and "expected much better things from me". After my arm finally feeling like it was going to fall off I told them I could not pitch anymore(not like it mattered because I was benched by then and just came in some relief spots). At the same time I was going through puberty and got some acne, shaved my head( to this day I don't know why but honestly think it was a way of my own pride just deflating and my own way of saying I was nobody) I felt ugly and was picked on quite a bit (no girl to save the day).
While losing baseball the only thing I still had was a great family and at least I could fall back on them for comfort. Well, around the same time my injury happened my dad was diagnosed with MG- a muscle weakening disease with no known cure. I watched my once strong buff dad who I looked up to slowly start dying. He could not get out of bed most days, could not eat much, and literally was just dying. I was losing everything around me at 14 and had no reason or understanding of how to deal with it. But in these moments I fought and did not give in. I kept going through "hell" until there was no more.
My dad had a surgery done as a desperation that it might cure him but was only a presumed 15% chance it would work. Well, it did. My role model was back and working out again being the big strong dad I always knew. This gave me the drive back, a nudge, saying "get up jake". I began searching ways to cure my arm with rehab methods. Well, I did it and my senior year I was all state and pitcher of the year. Almost got drafted too(had Yankees call me, Clemson, UNLV, and other big colleges wanted me. Had to throw in the brag
). This for me was the biggest learning experience in my life. I became my own best friend and learned that I can achieve anything. Now whenever I am depressed I almost laugh and like the "pain" because I know it will never defeat me. So if Nirwanda is anything like me that is what these moments teach you.bet you didn't think the conclusion was going that way
some links for proof:
http://nevadapreps.com/sports/baseba...-baseball-team
http://www.minorleagueball.com/2011/...the-2011-draft
Last edited by jDiDo; 11-06-2013 at 08:44 PM.
11-06-2013
, 11:05 PM
11-07-2013
, 01:21 AM
Quote:
It's not about the money. It's more about finding something socially productive to do with your life, keeping in touch with the workforce, interacting with other people and maintaining/developing skills outside of the insulated poker skill set that doesn't apply anywhere near as well as people say to real world jobs (or at least trying explaining how they can to a non-poker player is basically impossible!).
I'm not saying a part-time job is the only way to do that, but certainly you want to keep something going outside of poker, whether it's studying, work, volunteering or sports (or some combination of all of them).
Playing poker full-time is draining, very isolating, and not socially (or personally) productive.
I'm not saying a part-time job is the only way to do that, but certainly you want to keep something going outside of poker, whether it's studying, work, volunteering or sports (or some combination of all of them).
Playing poker full-time is draining, very isolating, and not socially (or personally) productive.
I am probably one of the few guys who has gone 'pro' then quit and had real jobs and then come back fulltime. I played fulltime from about 08-10 but had zero work ethic being 18-20 and would have a good day/week then go partying for the rest of the month and so eventually ran out of money and opted for a 'real' job. I worked for 2 years as a project coordinator for a Sat Comms company which was OK but got dull after a year or so (actually got made redundant in the end) and then went into accountancy and worked as a trainee accountant for a year whilst studying accountancy before going fulltime again Jan this year.
Now I know accountancy is considered boring (though I enjoyed some parts of it) and un-fulfilling but everytime I get fed up with poker I remember what it felt like to wake up at 6.30am on a wet Monday morning, go into the office stare as excel all day, spend a week completing something, only to discover a tiny error and then get talked to like **** by my manager for the rest of the week before collecting my £1400 wages for the month which were gone in the blink of an eye. And then I smile and feel lucky again
I would strongly advise only quitting poker if you have a nice solid profession to go into that you will find fulfilling and that pays enough for you to not miss poker too much. If you can't find that do not quit (unless you can't win at poker of course).
Treat yourself to a week somewhere sunny or buy something nice to cheer you up OP
11-07-2013
, 03:30 AM
11-07-2013
, 03:49 AM
Quote:
Now I know accountancy is considered boring (though I enjoyed some parts of it) and un-fulfilling but everytime I get fed up with poker I remember what it felt like to wake up at 6.30am on a wet Monday morning, go into the office stare as excel all day, spend a week completing something, only to discover a tiny error and then get talked to like **** by my manager for the rest of the week before collecting my £1400 wages for the month which were gone in the blink of an eye. And then I smile and feel lucky again
11-07-2013
, 09:51 AM
11-07-2013
, 02:55 PM
11-07-2013
, 02:59 PM
11-07-2013
, 03:12 PM
11-07-2013
, 03:20 PM
11-07-2013
, 05:23 PM
11-07-2013
, 10:19 PM
11-08-2013
, 12:47 PM
11-09-2013
, 12:16 AM
Quote:
Take all this with a grain of salt, but I would somewhat agree with cashy, though maybe for different reasons. The single biggest reason is probably something everyone should think about which is simply- where do you go from poker? I don't know your backstory, but poker is a great lifestyle for now, but how much longer will it be viable? I certainly thought it was for a while, but definitely have to move on at some point. Obviously your (and every individual's choice), but something to remember.
But the other thing is just your mental state and how you let it affect you. As everyone has said, poker is emotional and you went through a rough patch and its great you now got over it. However, the inability to seperate or step back from the game for that while does not bode well. If you are going to be a professional you have to realize the external factors, take them into account and pay attention. You should not be playing in such a situation. Also, big downswings, especially ones where not only are you running bad, but playing bad, can have very long term effects. Honestly, after my big one I was never the same. I lost "it". So beware. Your mileage may vary of course.
Either way, I wish all of ya'll the best of luck.
But the other thing is just your mental state and how you let it affect you. As everyone has said, poker is emotional and you went through a rough patch and its great you now got over it. However, the inability to seperate or step back from the game for that while does not bode well. If you are going to be a professional you have to realize the external factors, take them into account and pay attention. You should not be playing in such a situation. Also, big downswings, especially ones where not only are you running bad, but playing bad, can have very long term effects. Honestly, after my big one I was never the same. I lost "it". So beware. Your mileage may vary of course.
Either way, I wish all of ya'll the best of luck.
