Hey dudes, thanks for all the support. When I was writing that post I wasn't sure if I would regret it- for 1) I'm glad I did because I think it accurately reflects what I was feeling at the time and I guess what I'm feeling in the back of my mind even now- at this point in a downswing I think it would be unhealthy not to feel this way. For 2) I'm glad i did because of all the support I've received in just this past 12 hours. 1 thing that's been really tough is I've just moved to a new city, don't have a girl, and don't have any poker friends around here to talk to about the ups and downs etc. I've always been an advocate that it's better to surround yourself with normal people but man when you're going through the extremes it sure is nice to be able to share. So obv. I was super happy to see all these great responses and that's why I'll do my best to respond to them all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugotpwned
Best advice I can give is take some time off 2 weeks to a month. poss see a psychologist just so you can vent to someone and if they recommend it; they could prescribe you to an antidepressant or a mood stabilizer to level you off. If you don't wanna deal with 9-5 jobs like most of us this is the typa thing you gotta work through and overcome. Good luck brotha
Taking time off is probably the best advice. But, we're barely 1 week out of the new year and I still have goals I haven't given up on so I'm gunna have to heed this wisdom on a smaller scale. I'm gunna take today off, maybe study some hands tonight, and come back tomorrow at lower stakes.
As far as the psychiatrist- I don't wanna get on the mood medicine train, especially with such an emotional job, but I've been wanting to see a psychiatrist for years. Even without poker, I think it's a pretty cool setup that could help me learn a lot about myself. Unfortunately my health insurance doesn't cover it and they are expensive so maybe when i'm upswonging
. catch 22!
PS- I'm really not depressed. I haven't felt great this past month but overall I think I'm doing just fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DJilago
kutty, just hang in there man. Don't listen to music, be calm when you play and don't let emotion affect your play. Stick with it, think of the cars, the big house, and the hot girls
Don't listen to music?!? enter mega-tilt!
. Music is my love and doubt I could get through a normal day without it much less a poker sesh, but I have been putting on some more mellow stuff (Actually, if you like acoustic solo stuff check out Amos Lee- I think self-titled album? It's some of the best music I've heard recently). Gotta agree with recon on the rest- I think a general rule of poker is the smaller you can think/focus the better. Right now all I'm focusing on is the basics- sticking to my daily routine and grinding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doorbread
Get on AIM and we can exchange sob stories.
Just wanna say again I appreciate the convo last night. It really helps perspective when you can take thoughts out of your head and bounce them off someone else.
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Originally Posted by Recon20k
I've been interested in meditation since freshman year of college. Maybe this will be the kick to the groin it takes to finally sit down and not think about **** =).
Quote:
Originally Posted by wazz
1) Yeah, mostly everyone who's been playing poker a while has been through this. I've been through what you're describing twice. Sounds like you're trying to handle it the right way (other than moving down). Next time you feel it, it will be worse, though.
2) I really, really expected this post to end in 'I pulled up to a house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby "yo homes, smell you later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air'
hahahaha prince roll would have been epic. dammit, if only i wasn't so pissed off when writing that. I appreciate your advice in the first paragraph, and one of the things I'm most scared about is that I'll be gun-shy/more easily tiltable next time I move up stakes b/c I'll remember all the terrible things that happened this time. I don't know if it will be worse though, I do feel like I've matured a lot over the past month- or maybe that's why it's worse b/c i'll see that facade come crashing down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by greeno99
Kutty your post is def not the first post of its kind but another example of why playing poker for a living is in general/ for the majority not sustainable or healthy.
You could be a great player as you say, i don’t doubt that but how much of your roll have you lost? will you get to a point if you lose any more that you can’t mentally grind out at lower stakes, will that even work for you? can you go through the motions of starting again? will you perform the same, etc etc etc. all these things affect poker players and in general, combined with variance ( especially plo) is why most pros don’t sustain the level of income, lifestyle, money, winnings that they want, and more importantly to live off and set yourself up long term ( property, wife, family, savings etc).
Yeah I've definitely gained a more well-rounded perspective of online poker. Only thing is I can't tell if I was overly naive in November or am overly jaded now. Probably a bit of both. I haven't lost too much of my roll considering, but your point about settling for grinding out lower stakes than I want is a fair one- It's gunna take a lot of mental toughness, we'll see if I have it.
As far as setting myself up long-term I've been trying to get into real estate. I've been pounding the pavement for the past 3 months, just found a sick deal, made an offer and found out I got outbid 2 days ago- omg tilt. Downswinging has made it a bit more stressful but overall I'd say it's prolly helping me in this regard cause my criteria has definitely become more stringent since I became 100k poorer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by donkey_king
Recently in the midst of a 50bi downswing and hating life. I hope you run better. good luck!
Thanks donkey king, if you have IM or gchat or whatever and wanna talk/get a second opinion on a few HHs feel free to PM me your info.
Anywayyyyy, thanks again guys for the support and really just letting me vent. I know I've probably written way more than necessary but it felt good to do. If any of you guys have questions or need anything from me just ask and I'll be there for you. Also just wanna reiterate that despite the overwhelmingly negative overtones of my last few posts I'm really not in that bad a shape so save some pity for other people
. Like they say, whatever don't break a man make a man so I'll see you all on the felt soon enough.