Conversation that ensued after I sat down at a Step 5 Higher table. I fixed it to make it more readable. It starts out a little slow, but I'm just reeling him in. I spice it up towards the end....

Dealer: skinsftbl has joined the table.
Dealer: Waiting for 9 more players to start the game.
BB0UJA: skinsftbl wats up
skinsftbl: sup
BB0UJA: not doing to well man
skinsftbl: sorry to hear
BB0UJA: dropped 5k today at the steps and 2k nl tables
BB0UJA: hows it going for you
skinsftbl: medium.. havent played today yet
BB0UJA: ohh
BB0UJA: do you remember me
BB0UJA: do you recognize my name?
skinsftbl: nope
BB0UJA: weve played a few times before
BB0UJA: im the guy from the leaderboard
skinsftbl: k
BB0UJA: this your first 5k tableha?
skinsftbl: yeah, it is
BB0UJA: yeah ive never seen you here
BB0UJA: ive seen you at the steps a few times i think
BB0UJA: the 1k step
skinsftbl: yeah, true
BB0UJA: anyway skins
skinsftbl: anyways
BB0UJA: i came to ask you for a big favor if you can
skinsftbl: k
BB0UJA: i came to see if you can loan me 400 until tommarow evening
BB0UJA: reason being i do western union and my cash wontbe in until tommarow
BB0UJA: i mean if you can do it i will pay you back with interest
BB0UJA: what you think skins
BB0UJA: can you float me?
skinsftbl: how do you not have $400?
skinsftbl: I'm confused
BB0UJA: i do western union thats why
BB0UJA: i dont do bank transfer
BB0UJA: on a bad day like this id probably make party players rich lol
skinsftbl: i mean in your account though
BB0UJA: i do western union to control myself
BB0UJA: i dropped a bundle today
skinsftbl: oh.. I feel ya. good idea about the western union to cool down
BB0UJA: yeah
BB0UJA: i do western union to control myself
BB0UJA: i just went right now
skinsftbl: how much did you have before your bad run?
BB0UJA: i usually have like 7k in account minimum
BB0UJA: but ive been cashing out all month
skinsftbl: that's a little low for the steps, don't you think? Or is that for self control?
BB0UJA: just opened me a wholesale bussiness in michigan
skinsftbl: nice
BB0UJA: 7k i play alot more 200s though
BB0UJA: maybe 1 1k step
BB0UJA: a day
BB0UJA: but yeah thats it
skinsftbl: oh, ok. sound about right
BB0UJA: or i would qualify from the lower steps
skinsftbl: dude, I dunno. I've been where you're at before and I wish I had thought to wait a couple days
skinsftbl: hard to turn around when the cards aren'y hittin you
BB0UJA: true but thing is
BB0UJA: i want to play a multi special tonight
BB0UJA: i mean if you can float me skins
BB0UJA: i will pay you back 450
BB0UJA: 50 interest for a day
BB0UJA: 25k here is not bad
BB0UJA: are you there?
skinsftbl: hey man, from one poker player to another, I think you gotta sit today out
skinsftbl: I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself
BB0UJA: i have to qualify for a tournament thats why
BB0UJA: yeah i know but thing is i need to qualify for a multi tables tourney
BB0UJA: if i dont qualify today i dont get it
skinsftbl: man, i dunno
skinsftbl: what tourney?
BB0UJA: ppm
BB0UJA: sup satelite
skinsftbl: yeah.. I mean, do you think you can play right? or will you be off your game?
BB0UJA: yeah i think i can play right
BB0UJA: i mean im up overall
BB0UJA: im sure ill get it back tommarow
BB0UJA: when i go to the 200 games
BB0UJA: i mostly a 200 sng player
skinsftbl: you said it yourself man, western union. I don't wanna lose another player to tilt
BB0UJA: do really well in the 200s
skinsftbl: I mean, I'm trying to think about your well-being
BB0UJA: naw man
BB0UJA: skins i understand you feel me but i need to get three packages for the ppm thats why
skinsftbl: BB.. you have a gambling problem
skinsftbl: you need to get help
skinsftbl: It happens to the best of us
BB0UJA: trust me i dont
BB0UJA: honestly
BB0UJA: im up 800k on party man
BB0UJA: i play alot of poker
skinsftbl: that's what an addict would say man
BB0UJA: 800k
BB0UJA: check my stats on prophecy
skinsftbl: I was there one time... listen to this story
skinsftbl: I was playing way too high for my bankroll
BB0UJA: ok
skinsftbl: and I lost it all in one day.
skinsftbl: I borrowed 10k from a good friend, who was pretty wealthy
BB0UJA: k
BB0UJA: wow
skinsftbl: lost it within 3 hours.
BB0UJA: wow
skinsftbl: since the money didnt mean that much to him, I tried to see if there was anything I could do
skinsftbl: like, instead of paying him back
BB0UJA: ohh
skinsftbl: cuz he's the type of guy that likes to see people do stupid stuff for money
BB0UJA: lol
skinsftbl: so, he told me to eat 1/2 lb of my own poop
skinsftbl: no joke
BB0UJA: ok and what did you do?
BB0UJA: dam
BB0UJA: XXXX that
skinsftbl: and I did it. but thats not all
skinsftbl: he made fun of me like, all the time
skinsftbl: from that day on
skinsftbl: and one time he was gonna tell my girl about it
BB0UJA: wow'
skinsftbl: and, i really didnt want her to know
BB0UJA: yeah
skinsftbl: I stabbed him dude.
skinsftbl: i XXXXing stabbed my friend
skinsftbl: he's alive tho... but he can't walk
BB0UJA: get the fuc out of here
skinsftbl: and he sued me hard
BB0UJA: and?
skinsftbl: I played poker for 5 years and paid the settlement
skinsftbl: spent 2 years in jail first tho
BB0UJA: how much was it?
skinsftbl: 500k
BB0UJA: dam
BB0UJA: but the guy cant walk
skinsftbl: so dude, don't play today. You might eat poop and stab a dude
BB0UJA: aand hes a millionaire probably
BB0UJA: comon man
BB0UJA: for 400 dollars
BB0UJA: i have my own established bussiness bro
skinsftbl: is $400 worth eating poop and stabbing your best XXXXing friend!
skinsftbl: ?
BB0UJA: but thing is my cash wont be in until tommarow
BB0UJA: naw man
BB0UJA: i will pay you tommarow bro
skinsftbl: no. I won't let you face what I face.
BB0UJA: honestly
BB0UJA: lol
BB0UJA: how am i going to face what you did
skinsftbl: learn from my mistakes
BB0UJA: lol
skinsftbl: also...
BB0UJA: what you make me eat my XXXX for 400 dollars
BB0UJA: would
skinsftbl: stop this stupid scam
skinsftbl: moran
(long pause)
BB0UJA: ]skings
BB0UJA: you think im scamming you'
BB0UJA: thats the dumest story ive ever hurd by the way
(he left)

lol. good read.

Dude... if you have to ask, you won't like the answer.

Hilarious.

I've never actually laughed out loud from a 2+2 post until I got to this line.

words to live by, haha.

This is the most random thing I've ever read in my life. I had no idea it was going where it was...

Hilarious...good work.

lol, gg Jman

I'm in tears...tears of joy.

magnificent

Thanks for posting it.

Brilliant. Nice work, Skins.

You think if I asked him to, and told him to send me a picture, he would've tried to find a pic of a guy eating poop and send it to me?

That is a piece of art. Seriously,

This will become the standard reply to "variance" posts from here on out... Hilarious!

Thanks for the best laugh since I heard what JohnnyBeef paid for those silly pants! Great post.

Bravo!

Did nothing for me...

But that was gold

These guys all seriously hang around begging for scraps?? So sad.

I don't know where these guys heads' are at who can go to the high stakes tables and go "hey dude if you win this can you transfer me $N?"

But I really hope I never get there. I think I'd eat a shotgun first.

eastbay

OMG!! Im in tears as well, i havent laughed so hard in about a year. What a doomass, it actually sounded like he believed you,lol, thats what made it so funny.

LOL(still), oh boy...my cheeks hurt

hahahaha, very nice work.

Back when I played the $11s I once had a player look me up and ask for $3, but somehow I don't think that that's as impressive.

Nice avatar

that was beyond amazing. it really was.

I think I'm crying right now over this. Wow that's good [censored]

ZIPPPY

That same guy started trying to talk to me in a SNG tonight...

Started off just the same

We should all do the exact same bit when he talks to us.

You have my permission to recreate the story.