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What's the best way to desecrate a grave?

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05-06-2018 , 08:36 PM

#101

Didace

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 19,885

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudeImBetter

Get your dog to do it, don't clean up after it, win.

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05-07-2018 , 02:50 PM

#102

DMC0627

adept

Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 769

Problems with your MIL? I had some myself. I truly enjoyed reading your thread, thank you for this.

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05-07-2018 , 09:15 PM

#103

cs3

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 13,677

Howard,
You should write up a really scathing obituary for her and pay to have the local paper print it. Be sure to send copies to her and any of her friends/relatives you know.
That way she'll know her time is coming

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05-07-2018 , 09:54 PM

#104

thabighurt35

**** you Monday

Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 11,588

all this talk of pissing on her grave, wheres the **** on the grave option tho?

Also, you could stop by and leave suet balls on the headstone, let the birds **** all over her grave for a while

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05-07-2018 , 10:40 PM

#105

fuluck414

veteran

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 3,281

Something about a tomato in her living room and a lathe on her pillow should do it.

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

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05-07-2018 , 11:26 PM

#106

Howard Beale

Formerly red

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 22,190

Some pretty good ideas being posted now, keep it up OOT!

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05-08-2018 , 03:01 AM

#107

Gin 'n Tonic

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 6,305

If an open casket funeral, either...

A) draw your suppressed .22 when no-one's looking and give her a single round right between the eyes. Walk away muttering 'just had to be sure'.

B) stake her rotting corpse Buffy style. Walk away muttering 'just had to be sure'.

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05-08-2018 , 04:40 AM

#108

ESKiMO-SiCKNE5S

What SN is this?

Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 29,325

I think it's spelled decorate

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05-08-2018 , 07:38 AM

#109

Howard Beale

Formerly red

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 22,190

Quote:

Originally Posted by ESKiMO-SiCKNE5S

I think it's spelled decorate

W/ quotes, 'decorate' works also.

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05-08-2018 , 11:00 PM

#110

microbet

Solar Powered

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 56,703

Her being the boss' wife is no excuse. You should have told her to **** off. At this point there's nothing reasonable to do other than regret having taken all that ****.

If indeed the job was worth so much, then cool, you were fairly compensated for eating ****.

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05-08-2018 , 11:55 PM

#111

Howard Beale

Formerly red

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 22,190

I have abandoned reason in this matter, fyi. What I want is to desecrate her grave and get away w/ it.

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05-09-2018 , 12:00 AM

#112

Tom Ames

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 45,785

Wait. What? Get away with it???

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05-09-2018 , 12:35 AM

#113

Howard Beale

Formerly red

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 22,190

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Ames

Wait. What? Get away with it???

That is the plan, yes. Get away w/ the worst thing I can do.

Maybe I can plant poison ivy. That'd look like I was just doing nice gardening.

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05-09-2018 , 11:15 AM

#114

golddog

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 6,710

Quote:

Originally Posted by Howard Beale

That is the plan, yes. Get away w/ the worst thing I can do.

Maybe I can plant poison ivy. That'd look like I was just doing nice gardening.

But that only hurts others who might come to visit a grave nearby.

You want to find something which roots deep and strong, so it will eventually crack the casket.

I was thinking an oak tree, but that grows too slowly.

It also occurs to me that you could plant barley on the grave and hops near the tombstone. Then, come back, harvest, brew, and at least get something enjoyable out of that relationship.

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05-09-2018 , 12:03 PM

#115

Howard Beale

Formerly red

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 22,190

I'm wondering if I can find a Satanic cult to perform a grave-side service. Robes, chanting, candles, cutting chicken heads off. That sort of thing.

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05-09-2018 , 02:19 PM

#116

Tom Ames

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 45,785

Quote:

Originally Posted by Howard Beale

That is the plan, yes. Get away w/ the worst thing I can do.

Maybe I can plant poison ivy. That'd look like I was just doing nice gardening.

Then OP probably should have read "safest way ..."

Just stuff a pair of very dirty and well-worn drawers into her coffin during visitation or the funeral and be done with it. Should be simple, but may require an accomplice to provide a momentary distraction.

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05-09-2018 , 02:37 PM

#117

electricladylnd

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5,550

Can't go wrong p!ss!ing on someones grave, it's timeless.

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05-09-2018 , 02:53 PM

#118

Land O Lakes

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 7,959

Quote:

Originally Posted by Howard Beale

I'm wondering if I can find a Satanic cult to perform a grave-side service. Robes, chanting, candles, cutting chicken heads off. That sort of thing.

I'm sure you could, but then she'll just come after you harder.

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05-09-2018 , 03:16 PM

#119

57 On Red

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: May 2014 Posts: 5,778

Quote:

Originally Posted by Howard Beale

I'm wondering if I can find a Satanic cult to perform a grave-side service. Robes, chanting, candles, cutting chicken heads off. That sort of thing.

That reminds me: Karl Marx's grave is only a few minutes' walk from here and I've never spat on it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomb_of_Karl_Marx

You're not supposed to damage it, because it's technically a Grade I listed building (even though it's just a nasty piece of monumental kitsch put up by a Communist in the 1950s), but I'm fairly sure they can't stop you spitting on it.

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05-09-2018 , 05:51 PM

#120

Howard Beale

Formerly red

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 22,190

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Ames

Then OP probably should have read "safest way ..."

Good point. I might have to step up my game.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Land O Lakes

I'm sure you could, but then she'll just come after you harder.

That's a very real concern, no joking. If anyone has ever made a pact w/ the Devil it would be her.

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05-09-2018 , 07:15 PM

#121

Rexx14

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 7,215

Generally speaking, people who have made pacts with the devil should be avoided at all costs.

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05-09-2018 , 07:29 PM

#122

Tuma

Worships Amon-Ra

Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 16,401

Howard Beale let the devil fondle his soul for a while, and I think he's pretty alright.

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05-09-2018 , 11:06 PM

#123

Howard Beale

Formerly red

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 22,190

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuma

Howard Beale let the devil fondle his soul for a while, and I think he's pretty alright.

I'm mostly ok but I'm also here, in complete earnestness, telling everyone that I'm going to desecrate her grave and I AM going to do it. I may well wuss out and just pour a bunch of my own urine on her grave/headstone from a watering can plus the pentagram thing on the headstone but that's the minimum. It'll either be in NYS or Florida if I outlive the creature who's 87 years old now.

Maybe I can lay out some dead fish. That'd stink up the place and leave bones.