Is this something that people encounter in real life? Seems to me it is one of those things that exists on the fringe of the internet that you are far more likely to hear about from guys who frequently refer to people as SJWs than from an actual obese person who believes it, a la alternative gender pronouns.

I'm in the friend group, and put me in the "don't say anything" camp. He's had the same gf for basically this entire time -- if there's someone else other than him who the weight is directly affecting, it's her, and either:

1) she's said something by now
or
2) she hasn't said something because she feels it's futile

My wife got on my case when I put on 8 pounds from a summer of eating and drinking to excess. I don't think any SO is quiet when someone puts on that kind of weight.

If he's got money and she stands to inherit it...

make fun of him mercilessly while at the wedding. in front of everyone ask when the last time he saw his dick was! lol fat. but seriously thats rough good luck. i mean if you only see him once a year nothing you say to him will make a difference imo.

Tell him he's making your health insurance cost twice as much as it should.

Say something. Break the cycle of everyone feeling like they should fear their flaws.

Ask yourself this, if your buddy had a gun to his head would you talk him out of making modern art out of his skull? Your buddy just chose the much more disgusting and slow route.

"Hey Jim, I'm sure you probably realize this, but I've been noticing that you aren't really that intelligent. Perhaps try reading some books? I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings to point out something that you are most likely very self-conscious of, but I'm just trying to break the cycle of you fearing your flaws."

As others have said, your friend is well-aware of his weight problem, thinks about it daily and is likely very self-conscious about it.

While I understand you & he have history together & were good friends 15-20 years ago, based upon your explanation of your relationship today (we send a couple of text back & forth a couple of times a year, make a few comments on FB, etc.), it doesn't sound like you really have the close intimate relationship you once did. That's not your fault or anything, just the reality of the situation, i.e., what time+distance naturally does to most relationships.

If I were you I'd ask some of the other guys in that close group of friends you had years ago if any of them have said anything to him about his weight (and if so how he reacted), and if any of them know of any issues/problems/stress in his life that may be root cause of his extreme weight gain. How does the saying go, "It's not what you're eating but what's eating you"?

On a similar note, what's your relationship with his girlfriend? She's likely the best one to get advice/feedback from regarding what might be going on with him behind the scenes, plus any of his CURRENT good friends and/or parents or siblings if you feel comfortable talking to any of them.

Confronting others about their problem-issues rarely goes well or results in the hoped for actions or consequences. At best the person kind of makes light-of or blows my concerns off and changes the subject, but more often they get defensive (or go into attack-mode themself) and feel "judged", which then results a damaged relationship between you and the person you are concerned about & trying to help. IMHO it's better to continue to be a good friend (maybe get in touch a little more often, maybe actually call and talk to him once in a while instead of texting) & wait for him to confide in you--if/when he wants help or wants someone to confide in, let him be the one to bring it up. And if you really want to cultivate that type of relationship with him, consider making the first move by confiding in him some of your own fears/insecurities/issues.

Another idea--next time you travel to some 3rd World country, take him with you. The best diet in the world is to go traveling in India for a month--let him eat anything & as much as he wants...he'll lose weight!

Stop drinking diet soda. Drink regular soda with butter ice cubes.

I think some people are somewhat in denial about how fat they are...I know sometimes I can be.

I have a morbidly obese friend (I think not sure the exact weight number required for someone 6 foot 3, or even how much he weighs, though well over 300 ell bees) who spends all this time on the coach, overeats and eats horribly. I mean I thought he knew why he was putting on weight, but he told me he thinks he has an unidentified medical issue that causes him to put on weight, and told me he thinks he exercises a decent amount since he bikes occasionally.

Don't even know what to say to the guy.

More common among women I think. Women are very into self-affirmation and I do think some take it too far and use it as a substitute for the hard work of making positive change to their health/appearance.

Guys don't really have the societal pressure to be thin that women do, so I don't think fat shaming really even applies to them. I suspect most obese guys are not telling themselves they're perfect just the way they are, like women might do.

Ya but if you're a lil ***** cuz you're too fat IT'S A ****ING ISSUE. You could even have too much muscle and on a REAL HUNT it would be an issue. The fact is most men are soft and weak and most won't be able to do a real 2 week hunt in the wilderness. When it comes to the obese guys...... they are the first to be offered to nature. LOL :P

Is this account owned by a crackhead impersonator?

Had this issue with my ex-gf. She wasn't obese or anything, but probably 15-20lbs overweight and super self conscious about it. Not the reason we broke up per-se, but she had an obvious eating disorder. She just ate so fast (especially when drunk) her body couldn't register to being full before she stopped eating. When we first started dating I noticed she would NEVER eat faster than me, but always be waiting for me to keep pace. Like we would order a pizza and she she wouldn't start her 3rd slice until I started mine etc.

It wasn't until I saw her house basically an entire pint of B&J ice cream, after I had a few bites and stopped, that I realized she had an issue. She would often complain about being full to point of causing discomfort after family parties etc.

I always tried to prod her in the right direction, but was never confrontational about it. I always tried to support her "Oh you want to try this low carb diet, I'll look up some recipes (I'm a decent cook)" To no avail. Try as much as you want, it is up to the individual to want to change. They already know they have a problem, but it can't hurt to try and help.

If you are a reasonably close friend I doubt he will react out of anger or any other negative consequence.

LOL at thinking someone has an eating disorder because she's 15-20 lbs overweight. Is she like 3'9" and supposed to weigh 64 pounds?

LOL at your reading comprehension

Lol no. It was her eating habits that tipped me off. Like she didn't have a normal relationship with eating and when to stop. Try and read more carefully next time

Chop,

Any updates?

Whiffed on the possible earlier encounter. Wedding was yesterday, kept my mouth shut due to the occasion.

Did get something good done, tho. Recorded him telling a couple of stories for a project I'm working on - I started to record peeps from our friend group re-telling our funny stories/escapades in order to create a video archive of stories for us all to enjoy years down the road.

We've all been friends for 20+ years. Should have started doing this a while back, but better late then never. Most of them are on-board with the idea, tho not that enthusiastic about it so I end up doing most of the work. I don't mind because I know they'll really appreciate the vids 20-30 years from now, especially if not all of us are still around then, which is likely. Uploading everything to a shared Google Drive and encouraging them to record on their own as well since I'm rarely in the area.

The best is when most or all of us are together, because then you get like 3-4 people telling the story at the same time, talking over each other, interjecting with stuff someone forgot, vehemently denying things, etc. Gets pretty funny.

I'm such a lucksack to have so many old friends. Not even gonna humblebrag there, just a flat out sick sick bragament.

Unrelated to that project but inspired by it, I made a bunch of short 30-45 second recordings at the wedding, for any guest who wanted to participate, which was most of them. Just told them to say whatever they wanted and I'd consolidate all of the pieces into a single vid for the newlyweds to enjoy. Got a good mix of heartfelt / funny / lolwat responses, I think they're going to enjoy the vid.

I'd approach him and say I am not worried about your size; I am worried that you are going to die because of your size. I want you around for a long time and if I am risking losing your friendship by telling you straight-up what I think you need to hear, than your life is worth that risk to me.

If I didn't care about you I would take the easy route and say and do nothing.....

So, do you want my help...can I help you tackle this??

Oi, fattie. Can I get your X-Box when your heart explodes please?