I dont know if this is the right place. The title talks.

No. I commit crimes for fun.

I've often thought of faking my own death in a California wildfire in order to steal $10,000, but would that really be a crime if I were driven to do it by a bunch of losers on the internet?

IANAL but I think it depends whether you're really a good guy or not.

Who is to say that committing crimes isn't how I make my living already.

I play poker and some say it is a crime.

Hey hey hey, you're coming up on a gooooood time of the month!

People go pay rent by getting money orders at gas stations. So there's a huuuge influx of people carrying about a thousand or so each into gas stations.

Just wait for someone to get a money order and then USUALLY what happens is the clerk gets the money, places it on the counter, AND THEN, if he or she goes to print the money order before dropping the cash in the safe, KABLAMMO! Grab that and doordash outta there!

Good hunting good sir!

Don't forget to ask for a 1099 for tax filing.

Paging Nima...

My wife is resting in an emergency room bed and I am trying not to wake her with my laughter.

Lol

I've stolen groceries twice when completely broke. Filled up a basket with basic stuff like bread, milk, peanut butter and just walked calmly out the door.

Okay, I'll bite. This is my one and only brush with the life of crime.

Back in college, I played a particular online video game for a couple years. As my interest in poker kindled, I stopped playing said online game and started to focus on teh pokerz. To kickstart my roll, I decided to sell my entire game inventory to another player for $1,300. He lived overseas and sent me the money via Paypal... using the "money gift" option.

For those who don't know, a "money gift" is designed to be sent to trusted friends/family. There are almost no fees for this option, but there is also no way to reverse or refund the transaction.

So immediately, in my young and stupid brain, light bulbs start popping off. While he had already sent me the money, I hadn't yet given him the in-game items. We were in the middle of the trade window transaction when all of this brilliance dawned on me. I remember him saying something like, "Come on, why is this taking so long?" as I abruptly closed the game window.

...and I just sat there. All he had was my email address and a baseless claim of theft. Paypal policy at the time explicitly did not cover "intangible items" such as virtual items/currency, not to mention the transaction was a non-reversible "money gift" anyway. I leaned back in my chair and thought I was ****ing Henry Hill, pulling off the scam of a lifetime.

I logged in with an alternate character to check if the scammee was still online-- he wasn't. I quickly sold all of my inventory to a different player for only $700. I felt so clever about my double dip and getting $2,000 instead of $1,300, at the expense of some poor old british dude. I logged off and went to get wasted at the bar, I figured I deserved to revel in the glory of a job well done. I'm a badass criminal now!

Fast-forward 48 hours. I haven't slept a wink and I've barely eaten, I'm a nervous twitchy wreck. Constantly agonizing over the dozen angry emails this guy has been sending me. Absolutely sick to my stomach, I'm throwing up from the guilt. Can't enjoy anything, feel like I'm giving myself an ulcer.

Finally snapped out of it and sent the guy his $1,300 back. Sheepishly explained some made up excuse that I can't even remember. He was pissed, but ultimately relieved. I actually would end up selling him some different virtual stuff a couple of years later. But anyway, that was my one moment of trying to be "hard" and play at crime. I learned that I'm a wimp who is absolutely incapable of being bad, I have no idea how anyone does it. On one hand, I'm ashamed that I even attempted the gambit at all, but in retrospect it's oddly nice to know where my scruples stand when they're placed in the fire.

tl;dr: I don't have the stones to be a criminal, good job mom and dad.

If I could figure out how to some kind of Italian Job heist without getting hurt or hurting anyone in return, I'd do it.

Or like, a corporate espionage thing, or an Office Space Superman III thing, where I just move a few decimals and make millions.

I'd do a bank job, too....drill from next door into the vault, make away with tons of cash.....hell yeah, I'd do it.

So if anyone needs another body for a job, just let me know.

If you're going to steal, steal once and steal enough that you never have to steal again.

Michael Caine Italian Job or Mark Wahlberg Italian Job? If the latter, I get to be Handsome Rob. As you are volunteering to be a body, you can be Donald Sutherland.

And I was just about to post that back when I was working on programming for y2k...

One actual very easy way to steal is a stock market scam. Having seen and traded against so many, they are easy to do. And they almost never get prosecuted because the SEC doesn't really do criminal stuff, they do civil stuff. When it comes to stock market cons they are inept, or lazy, or something, because hardly anyone ever gets prosecuted.

Yes

Does piracy count?

Me and some friends went bowling one night, I was like 18 or something. Place was cash only and I didn't have any on me, but wasn't worried cuz I knew someone would spot me. So we bowl for a couple hours, and as we are getting ready to quit and head out I ask if someone would spot me. Turns out no one had cash on them and we had all figured we'd get a spot.

We ended up going to the bathroom one at a time and ducking out the back door.

Does that count?

While it was a crime, you didn’t do it out of desperation, so no.

I commit crimes against fashion everyday when I put on my work uniform.

long story short and not going to get into it but at one point in my life all assets were frozen of the family of my significant other and this bled into my finances and life as well - there were several months were i had literally nothing but the money in my pocket and ever increasing credit card debt

was living in a country where the wealthy all own several apartments and store their extra vehicles in the underground parking lots

every day I'd be walking past 6 figure cars that have been sitting around so long they literally had layers of dust on them and the apartment buildings, despite being all owned, are never at above 20% occupancy because they are all mostly spec houses and they find renting unsavory

furthermore you know every other halfway decent apartment building in the city with underground parking has the same thing as well, a whole city of very nice cars and most of them are not even on the road. many don't even have license plates.

if i knew the first thing about fencing them, i'd definitely have done something

being a foreigner and of another race and thus unable to discreetly make those inquiries as a result meant it'd never go past the theory stage - but man, for a couple months I'd just walk past all those dust collections and think that if done properly, the owner wouldn't even know it was missing for several months. I wouldn't even have to steal the car itself, maybe just take the rims or the catalytic converter. There were so many out there, just sitting there unattended and unused.

was first time i truly considered a real crime, give anyone enough incentive and a low enough amount of risk and i think they could do anything if the crime doesn't involve violence

for refernce: i'm the guy who tells the LAG whale at the table to stop lifting his cards so much because I can see his hole cards... so just having these thoughts were something that really made me question myself very deeply

I remember feeling pretty desperate for money at the time!

Only if you stole the bowling shoes too