Ok-

First - this thread is NOT about me. It happened to a friend, and I'm curious what your play would be.

Situation:

Friend loaned X amount of dollars from you about 2-3 years ago. He hasn't made any attempts to pay it back in that time despite the fact that you've asked for repayment several times.

Assume that this was not a business loan, etc... but the friend was fairly broke and needed it for personal reasons. Also assume that he currently has a job with a modest salary (say, $50k+). He's had this job for at least a year.

You are now invited to his wedding.

At what amount of debt would you not provide him a gift, if ever?

Poll included.

FWIW, friend in question here owed somewhere around $3000-4000.

I'm definitely not giving a gift if friend hasn't even attempted to begin paying back, or hasn't given me a valid timetable. Unless I'm worth a **** ton of money.

Of course you get him a gift. Quicken and a book about money management seems to be appropriate here.

edit -- I fully reserve the right to change my answer to whatever henry17 recommends.

What kind of response did the deadbeat give?

If you are still his friend you should get him a gift.

I'm not sure I'd consider myself friends with someone who owed me $4K, makes $50K, and has paid me nothing.

If he owed me less then $500 I would just tell him to forget about repaying the debt. Dropping the debt would be my 'gift'.

If he owed me more then $500 the guy wouldn't even be considered a friend of mine.

Not much of a friend I'd say. I'd go to the wedding just to take his other wedding gifts as repayment. Only the good ones though. I don't need any more small kitchen appliances. Unless they have gift receipts.

If I loaned a friend of mine $3-4k after he had fallen on hard times and
- he made no attempt to pay me back
- DESPITE numerous inquiries on my part
- AND he is now making $50k
- AND he can afford to pay for a ring/wedding/honeymoon...

or you can just show up to his wedding, drink and eat as much as you can, offend anyone you suspect is a close relative, and leave a note in an empty wrapped box stating that he still owes you $3-4k.

Absolutely no gift. Not even sure I'd attend the wedding.

z28, what is the financial status of the person who originally loaned this deadbeat the $3-4k?

This is pure curiosity. It wouldn't change either of my above actions.

You give a gift, cause it's for the bride also. Although I have a feeling if a buddy owed my $3-4K and ignored my requests to pay me back, I wouldn't be in a position to be invited to his wedding. Cause I prolly woulda kicked his ass already.

you have to attend the wedding...barring its extremely religious and low budget.

Here's an idea... As a wedding gift you could give them a card with a note that forgives them of $X of the debt that is owed.

Make a toast and tell an extremely embarrassing story and call it even.

Give a gift, hand it to the bride personally and tell her that the bum**** she married owes you 4K. will be repaid.

Actually, on second thought, this will ruin her day, and it's not her fault. Give her a card that says "Do not open until after honeymoon", tell her not to open it. She gets a stress free honeymoon, you get repaid likely. Nothing like an embarassed wife to make a man stop being a bitch.

seriously ******ed answer. very likely to get your ass kicked and will definitely never get the money back.

if i were still friends w/someone who owed me that much money, then i would give a gift 100% of the time

Apparently it's not enough of an issue to end the friendship or the person in question wouldn't be going to the wedding. And as a friend, the wedding day should be a time to put aside all differences. Buy them a gift 100% of the time.

z28, you are a terrible tub. Goofyballer, please come in and set the facts straight.

In all scenarios above, though, dbz comes off badly.

This is a very good suggestion. If the debt is in the realm of what you'd be spending on the gift, this is a great chance to be the better man, and get rid of the animosity by just calling things even.

EDIT: Or do the "Subtract $X" thing for larger debts.

Been in a similar situation.

Your friend is no real good friend, because he should have worked out a solution with you before getting married.

wifey probably doesnt know about this loan

That said, I would still buy him a present, write off the $3-4k as 'bad debt', and tell the friend I dont expect him to ever repay the money.


Wonder what Henry17 would do.

If I still consider him my friend, I go to the wedding and bring him a gift.

If I no longer consider him my friend, I consider the money lost forever (if its a huge sum then I take him to court if I can) and do not attend the wedding or make any effort to see him in the future.

z28, I can't believe the bull**** you are spewing in this thread.

What happened is that this friend of mine loaned me $4k on FTP because I tilted off my online roll while black-out drunk and wanted to be able to play $1/$2 NL without having to redeposit, which is a major PITA these days. My friend is very well off and didn't attach any conditions on paying him back, he just said to hit him back when I could afford it.

Now, I finally built it up to about $8k, but then wouldn't you know it, I met Jessica in Vegas last week and, well, when you've found the love of your life you just know it was meant to be. I wrote a letter asking if she would marry me, and upon reading it in front of me she instantly said yes; obviously, now, I need a good chunk of that online money to help pay for wedding expenses and stuff.

So now my friend chooses THIS of ALL times to start making a stink about the $4k I owe him, when he initially promised it to me with no conditions on payback whatsoever? I mean obviously I intended to pay it back, but now that he's going off and starting all this **** on 2+2 about it, you can go **** yourself carrotsnake. Oh, and you are NOT invited to our wedding anymore.