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Old 01-09-2009, 08:17 AM   #176
holland3r
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by saymond View Post
You definitely should not give him a cent, but I think the way you wrote that e-mail itemizing your expenses is the exact wrong way to go about it. Man up and just tell him to man up.
This.
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Old 01-09-2009, 09:16 AM   #177
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

OK, after reading Tweety's most recent update, I officially don't give a ****.

wtf? You pay 200k a year on your house? So you earn what, 600-800k a year, if not more? Then you refer to your other friend who is doing really well. What does he earn, 2-3 million a year?

And listing your expenses to this guy was just stupid. It makes you look like king douche/tool of the world. First, you don't need to justify anything to him. Second, that was about the worst possible way of explaining yourself, because you clearly could drop 10k on this guy without affecting your life at all. Now you just look like a selfish douche for not helping a friend out. By listing all the money you have, you pulled the equivalent of standing in front of a homeless guy while pulling hundred dollar bills out of your wallet and setting them on fire. Douche move, imo.

Also, **** OP if he can't help out his sister-in-law for a relatively small amount but he's still taking 12-15k vacations and burning through money. Seriously, wtf? I'm guessing OP is on Wall Street. It is exactly this kind of tool/douche that ****ed over our whole economy.

Just to be clear, I don't think giving the money to the friend is a good idea no matter how much money OP has because the friend clearly is living in his own fantasy world. But having said that, OP is just as detached from reality as his friend, just in a differrent way.
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Old 01-09-2009, 10:00 AM   #178
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by dalerobk View Post
Also, **** OP if he can't help out his sister-in-law for a relatively small amount but he's still taking 12-15k vacations and burning through money. Seriously, wtf? I'm guessing OP is on Wall Street. It is exactly this kind of tool/douche that ****ed over our whole economy.
For what it's worth, it's people like OP's friend that screw up the economy.
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Old 01-09-2009, 10:13 AM   #179
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

afaik tweety lives in manhattan, where money is simply different than the rest of the country
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Old 01-09-2009, 10:21 AM   #180
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

dalerobk i think you have it wrong. and so do people saying that he shouldn't even consider loaning it.

OP owes his dad alot of money, is planning an expensive renovation and has to pay a big mortgage. How can you assume that he has wads of cash lying around? Just because he is living comfortably doesn't mean he isn't struggling to stay afloat. Also, declining a loan to a family member is also a pretty big precedent. It's not like he is handing money out to everyone.

And to those saying that friend asking for money is a douche/****** that doesn't deserve a cent, hang on for a minute. Who knows what problem this guy has had? OP said himself that they very, very close friends. Just because they money was spent on credit card doesn't mean it was used for absolute junk. It could have been used to pay bills and a variety of other necessities.

I know that if I had problems I would go to my parents first, and best friends second. Maybe even my friends first if I thought they could afford it (which OP's friend must think). I don't think it's douchey at all, especially if he has the intention to pay it back (no reason not to believe this).

This is a close decision. As I said earlier if I was OP I wouldn't give him the money at this time, but I'd feel bad about it. I really would. That is why I think the other "rich" friend refusing to help out is the real douche in this situation.
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Old 01-09-2009, 10:51 AM   #181
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

JA,

The real problem is that the friend doesn't even have real problems. He has less CC debt than the avg. person. Oh noez! Higher rates! Sucks, but its not like they're coming for his house. The whole going to SA is a bull**** excuse. My brother is doing the same ****, but hes not in debt, and its not like he HAS to do it. As for the therapist $3k, just stiff him for now. Since it's not through insurance, the guy would have to sue him directly to get it. The friend could just mail the therapist a $100 check with a note saying he'd send $100/month til he could afford to pay it off. I'm sure therapists have written off tons of expenses anyways.

The only way I'd consider lending money to a friend was:

-Something I deemed to be excellent investment opportunity, and then it would be more a written partnership with a realized return.

-He was in fear of losing his house/job for some reason, and didn't get in the hole due to gambling/booze/drugs.
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Old 01-09-2009, 11:18 AM   #182
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by JokersAttack View Post
1. your rich friend refusing to give a cent unless you do
Agree. His whole "I'll do it if you do, and won't if you don't" thing bugs me as well. Why does your choice affect him at all. I think it's fine if he doesn't want to, because I'm sure part of the reason he's got rich is by not handing out 10k randomly with no hope of ever seeing it again, it just seems to put double the pressure on you to make his choice hinge on yours (and will make you the main bad guy if you decide not to loan it).

Is Sandy your wife? I thought that was unclear.

Edit to add: Damn, the tide has turned against OP after posting that email. Apparently you are the sole cause of the bailout, good job jerk.

Last edited by diddy!; 01-09-2009 at 11:29 AM. Reason: Edit is tongue in cheek. No offense meant, but 16k a month in living expenses is a lot. How do I do what you do?
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Old 01-09-2009, 11:24 AM   #183
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Agree. His whole "I'll do it if you do, and won't if you don't" thing bugs me as well.
I agree, but regardless of that, OP's reply of "I'm broke yo" also kind of puts the rich friend in a ****ty position. So douchiness on both sides I think.
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Old 01-09-2009, 11:45 AM   #184
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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JA,

The real problem is that the friend doesn't even have real problems. He has less CC debt than the avg. person. Oh noez! Higher rates! Sucks, but its not like they're coming for his house. The whole going to SA is a bull**** excuse. My brother is doing the same ****, but hes not in debt, and its not like he HAS to do it. As for the therapist $3k, just stiff him for now. Since it's not through insurance, the guy would have to sue him directly to get it. The friend could just mail the therapist a $100 check with a note saying he'd send $100/month til he could afford to pay it off. I'm sure therapists have written off tons of expenses anyways.

The only way I'd consider lending money to a friend was:

-Something I deemed to be excellent investment opportunity, and then it would be more a written partnership with a realized return.

-He was in fear of losing his house/job for some reason, and didn't get in the hole due to gambling/booze/drugs.
true, but I think his friend wants to spend some time out of the country to try to find some meaning and get a change of scenery. he probably doesn't want to leave debt behind and have his relatives chased up about it and/or be hassled by the authorities.

I don't think what he is doing is abhorrent or totally selfish. He might issues, he might be depressed. He deserves to at least be taken seriously.
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Old 01-09-2009, 11:49 AM   #185
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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I owe my Dad over 500k
Why are you even considering lending anybody money? Ask dad to do it, he clearly doesn't care about getting paid back.
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Old 01-09-2009, 11:52 AM   #186
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by JokersAttack View Post
true, but I think his friend wants to spend some time out of the country to try to find some meaning and get a change of scenery. he probably doesn't want to leave debt behind and have his relatives chased up about it and/or be hassled by the authorities.

I don't think what he is doing is abhorrent or totally selfish. He might issues, he might be depressed. He deserves to at least be taken seriously.
If you wanted to "spend some time out of the country to try and find some meaning and get a change of scenery" would you save up for a few months, or would you borrow the money from a friend?


FWIW, you can go teach english in Korea, apply online, and the places will pay for your flights, housing, and decent wages. Why can't he go find himself there?
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Old 01-09-2009, 11:56 AM   #187
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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he probably doesn't want to leave debt behind and have his relatives chased up about it and/or be hassled by the authorities...

...because he comes across as such a responsible adult and all.
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Old 01-09-2009, 11:59 AM   #188
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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If you wanted to "spend some time out of the country to try and find some meaning and get a change of scenery" would you save up for a few months, or would you borrow the money from a friend?


FWIW, you can go teach english in Korea, apply online, and the places will pay for your flights, housing, and decent wages. Why can't he go find himself there?
there was a recent thread in 4l about teaching in korea, i'm actually considering it myself

there's a difference between the clustered, frantic cities in south korea and the more wild, mountainous beauty of south america though. iyam anyway.

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...because he comes across as such a responsible adult and all.
no one's saying he is perfect. if he was so good at managing himself and his money he wouldn't need to ask for a loan.

i just think that something's wrong with our society if we can't go to our best friends to ask for help when we feel that we need it.
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Old 01-09-2009, 12:01 PM   #189
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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FWIW, you can go teach english in Korea, apply online, and the places will pay for your flights, housing, and decent wages. Why can't he go find himself there?
Have you ever been to Korea? Urggghhh. I'd rather find myself in a roadside bin.
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Old 01-09-2009, 12:07 PM   #190
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

I didn't take Tweety's e-mail at face value. I figured the stuff he mentioned was exaggerated and/or made up. Regardless, they are all red herrings as to the real reason he can't loan his top three friend money: he doesn't want to.

Tweety, pics of Sandy please.
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Old 01-09-2009, 12:27 PM   #191
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

Yes, it's very hard to give advice without knowing what your wife looks like, OP. Show us pictures, I mean we're wandering in the dark here.
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Old 01-09-2009, 12:28 PM   #192
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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I didn't take Tweety's e-mail at face value. I figured the stuff he mentioned was exaggerated and/or made up. Regardless, they are all red herrings as to the real reason he can't loan his top three friend money: he doesn't want to.

Tweety, pics of Sandy please.
i thought this too, but I wasn't going to say anything.
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Old 01-09-2009, 12:43 PM   #193
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

Refer friend to your dad, who seems to have no problem loaning out huge sums of money with dubious repayment prospects.
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Old 01-09-2009, 12:47 PM   #194
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Refer friend to your dad, who seems to have no problem loaning out huge sums of money with dubious repayment prospects.
lol. Best/funniest post in thread, and it's not even close.
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Old 01-09-2009, 01:40 PM   #195
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Tweety, pics of Sandy please.
.
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Old 01-09-2009, 01:41 PM   #196
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Refer friend to your dad, who seems to have no problem loaning out huge sums of money with dubious repayment prospects.
QFT. Even if Tweety made up/ exaggerated his numbers, he most likely owes his Dad some money. No one should be taking a glorious vacation, or shock- loaning someone else money- while they still owe somebody else. Jeez.
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Old 01-09-2009, 02:01 PM   #197
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

So OP has been leveling this whole time, right?
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Old 01-09-2009, 02:35 PM   #198
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

Wow, this thread is turning into the Suze Orman show.

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Old 01-09-2009, 03:16 PM   #199
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by tuq View Post
I didn't take Tweety's e-mail at face value. I figured the stuff he mentioned was exaggerated and/or made up. Regardless, they are all red herrings as to the real reason he can't loan his top three friend money: he doesn't want to.

Tweety, pics of Sandy please.

once again...finger on the pulse

on both counts
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Old 01-09-2009, 03:34 PM   #200
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

all esl teachers know you dont go to South America for the bux...it's for the experience - the only places where you can save a decent amount are Korea, Turkey and Saudi, though I think Taiwan/China is catching up .....


So its not like he is going to a Korean hagwon for 2 years to save up 10-15k.........sounds like a p1ss take to me!
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