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Old 01-08-2009, 02:44 PM   #126
tuq
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by BartJ385 View Post
Want some sound advice, OP?

Don't ask anonymous poker players such a question in an online forum!

Seriously, the odds of getting even one useful shred of advice (other than what you already thought of yourself) is close to zero.

Ask real people.
Here's a useful shred of advice: GFY.
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Old 01-08-2009, 02:48 PM   #127
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

poker players are more familiar, on average, with the concepts of loaning money to friends/constructing payment plans/etc.
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Old 01-08-2009, 02:51 PM   #128
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

It continues to boggle my mind how someone can go against the grain of an entire thread. I realize it's the internet and all of that, but whatever. (And I'm not saying Tweety WILL, but it seems he sure wants to).

If Tweety truly sees something in his old friend that would make this a worthwhile investment (in your friends life), then I wouldn't think it would be terribly hard to convince at least a handful of the repliers in this thread that it's a good move.

As it stands, we just have "find yourself," unnecessary world travel, no job, and coke to go on, which makes this a no brainer, especially with a wife and kids.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:01 PM   #129
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

I'd just like to pile on and say LOL.

I thought it was going to be that needs a loan or his kids will starve or house foreclosed on.

You can apply online for overseas teaching jobs, you can just not pay your credit cards (or consolidate, or set up payment plan, etc.), and therapist can sit on a dick for a year.

This is unbelievable and I would be pissed at friend for even asking for this amount for this stuff unless I was a millionaire.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:04 PM   #130
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

How about this...

Tell him you will pay his minimum on the credit card for 6 months. That would probably be a couple of thousand. Reduces your risk.

I would help most of my good friends like that. And treat as a gift.

Regarding using e-mail, he must have felt really ashamed.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:07 PM   #131
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Regarding using e-mail, he must have felt really ashamed.
Something tells me that shame isn't the reason.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:10 PM   #132
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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It continues to boggle my mind how someone can go against the grain of an entire thread. I realize it's the internet and all of that, but whatever. (And I'm not saying Tweety WILL, but it seems he sure wants to).
people use these kinds of threads to find someone they agree with - often they are looking for only a few guys to say 'yeah, do it'. but we can't understand -

A: the depth of their friendship - maybe this guy has had tweety's back at some key point in their lives or something

B: the depth of pity which tweety might have given his friend's father's current situation.

even so, they talk like once a year. i understand as people age that their friends grow less important but once a year doesn't seem that close.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:14 PM   #133
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by Triumph36 View Post
people use these kinds of threads to find someone they agree with - often they are looking for only a few guys to say 'yeah, do it'. but we can't understand -

A: the depth of their friendship - maybe this guy has had tweety's back at some key point in their lives or something

B: the depth of pity which tweety might have given his friend's father's current situation.

even so, they talk like once a year. i understand as people age that their friends grow less important but once a year doesn't seem that close.
I dig. I just feel like he should be able to explain A or B a little bit to us if he really wanted us to give him advice that agreed with him, supported him.

Instead, we just have all the reasons he shouldn't do it. And then he's surprised we all disagree? Shrug.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:16 PM   #134
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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But are you anyone's top 3 friend?
Yes, and top 3 friends don't do what he is doing imo

especially the way he is going about doing it
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:31 PM   #135
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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The more I think about what this guy is asking you for, the more it seems like he is selfish and immature and this is just the start of his unraveling that is destined to happen.
If he really asked for the loan for the reasons OP gave than this is true..if he was embarrassed to tell you why he really needs this loan than false.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:32 PM   #136
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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"A true friend stabs you in the front."

Never heard this before, but i really like it.

"A fake friend stabs you in the back. A true friend stabs you in the front."


Classic
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:38 PM   #137
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

BTW Tweety,

2+2 demands an epilogue to this thread.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:47 PM   #138
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Agreed, and it seems like the friend did give OP every out possible for denying the money. On the other hand, the friend did put OP in a very awkward spot.
Here's my opinion on this subject. I have been the borrower and the lender a few times before. It all comes down to A)how strong the "payment plan" is and B)how much you will/will not need the borrowed money in full prior to the end of payment plan.

If his friend is as solid as he says it shouldn't be an awkward spot unless that 10 Gs means the world to him...
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Old 01-08-2009, 04:20 PM   #139
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by BartJ385 View Post
Want some sound advice, OP?

Don't ask anonymous poker players such a question in an online forum!

Seriously, the odds of getting even one useful shred of advice (other than what you already thought of yourself) is close to zero.

Ask real people.
we really care what you think and you are a good poster.
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Old 01-08-2009, 04:34 PM   #140
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Old 01-08-2009, 04:36 PM   #141
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by Triumph36 View Post
people use these kinds of threads to find someone they agree with - often they are looking for only a few guys to say 'yeah, do it'.
Agree so much that in situations like this there will be 100+ posts against something, and then <5 for it, but all the OP wanted was one person to say 'yea, I see your side and think you should do it' to go ahead and do what they originally wanted while ignoring everyone else. And why wouldn't they, it's not like we are real people or anything.
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:09 PM   #142
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Semi-grunching but I have experience on this issue and know of what I speak. You can't loan him money. You might give him money, but it isn't a loan. Banks and the mafia can do loans because they are prepared to go through the unpleasant process of collections. Are you?

You'll sleep better, and have a better chance of still being friends with this guy long term (as opposed to hating him for life), if you give him as large a gift as you're comfortable making. That is, if you think he deserves it. And it is 100% a gift. You won't ever have to call him up and ask "where's my money". Because it won't be your money anymore. Finally the most important step: never think about that money again.

I should add, make it absolutely clear that he can't ever come to you for money again. This is the last time. Select the amount accordingly.
Sifted through most of the responses in this thread and the highlighted portion is the best I've seen. Nice job evil! I have personally "loaned" money to friends many times. Even if you intend to just see it as a gift it will be hard to maintain that view in the case scenario that the amount is not just pocket change to you. I've had friends owe me money but then suddenly seem to be rich and go out on the town buying things like crazy. Hard to forget about the fact you are still owed when your buddy is partying it up without you on your dime.
ANNNNyway to me this is a case of you already have your mind made up what you want to do in the first place OP. I can pretty much tell. I understand it's hard to turn down your best buddy of so many years. GL to you!
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:23 PM   #143
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

DO NOT DO THIS. Teaching in Central or South America will earn him barely enough money to survive, much less pay you off. If there is anything left over, it will go to partying with the students or other expat teachers. The "find himself" thing will turn into, "how long can I survive in this country with cheap beer, avoid my US responsibilities and party all the time with my salary". I've seen it many times.
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:39 PM   #144
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

Let me give you a poker analogy.

This is the decision you have to make on the flop.

What about the next 2 streets? What do you do there?

You better have a plan.

Give this guy 20k or 10k or 100 bucks now and what are you going to do tomorrow when he comes back for more. He will come back for more by the way.

Listen to your wife, cut your losses with a "friend" who puts you in this spot and get on with life.
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:56 PM   #145
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Originally Posted by duckhook View Post
Let me give you a poker analogy.

This is the decision you have to make on the flop.

What about the next 2 streets? What do you do there?

You better have a plan.

Give this guy 20k or 10k or 100 bucks now and what are you going to do tomorrow when he comes back for more. He will come back for more by the way.

Listen to your wife, cut your losses with a "friend" who puts you in this spot and get on with life.
QFTerriblePokerAnalogy
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:57 PM   #146
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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He is the type of person that, although in his mid 30s, is one of those guys that is always trying to figure out his life. That said, one problem I have is that, up until now, all I have heard from him are wild stories of partying, and all the chicks he has hooked up with, and he did a ton of blow the night before and he's never going to do it again, and then i hear the same story over and over.

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Old 01-08-2009, 06:08 PM   #147
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

Teach him how to shortstack?
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Old 01-08-2009, 06:11 PM   #148
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

Yeah, pretty much everything that Tuq said.

No chance OP ever gets repaid if he gives the "loan." And, lol at going to find himself after nights of doing blow and days of not working.
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Old 01-08-2009, 06:16 PM   #149
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

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Seriously, wtf? Do you guys understand the implications of declaring bankruptcy? Bankruptcy should be an absolute last resort, not done to get out of 12k of debt. The dude could wait tables for 50 hours a week and live in a **** hole of an apartment and pay off this debt in less than two years, if not sooner.

selling your shoes on ebay is not a last resort?

really, what are the implications of declaring bankruptcy? yeah, his credit score will be knocked to a sub-500 mark, but in his condition, who cares?

assuming that he gets a job and is able to pay his bills for the next 12-18 months, his credit score should be back above 600.

yes, that is a crappy credit scrore, but it is still high enough to get a loan for a car or sign a lease for an apartment without a co-signer.
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Old 01-08-2009, 06:23 PM   #150
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Re: Very close, old friend needs sizeable loan. Need advice

where's tweety?

I'm tired of reading the same thing over and over again.
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