You don't have to leave the USA to find yourself.

I think it's reasonable too. That's why I suggest he do what he's perfectly capable of doing on his own and work towards that escape. There's absolutely no reason why his friends should have to finance this for him. The only thing holding him back is that he doesn't feel like getting a job. He kept on partying while his CC bills kept growing and his money kept running out. And he did absolutely nothing to try to change that except doing things like selling his own stuff when he got desperate.

If the person is able to hold a job, and he obviously is since he intends to do that in S.A. supposedly, then there's no reason why he can't do all this on his own. None.

This is hilarious. OP gets pounded on by everyone for even thinking of giving his friend the money. Eventually OP comes to his senses and posts that he is following our advice. The thread drops out of sight, and then is resurrected by people telling him that he should be giving his friend the money. It's bizarre-O-day in OOT.

Ummm, when did the thread drop out of site? It's only been up for a few days.

Haha, that was funny. But it's perfectly understandable, because turns out OP is effin loaded and 10K means almost nothing to him.

Which still doesn't mean that I think he should give money, but he has come off incredibly cheap.

lol at the "You're already a mil in debt, what's 10k more argument".

Seriously? So it would be their fault? Not the guy who continued to use drugs and live outside his means to put himself in this situation? He's an adult, he's responsible for his actions.

Have you ever been to Central or South America and hung out with expats or other foreigners living there? Even for people with pretty good self control, this is degen city my friend. His problems will only get much worse here, he will make virtually nothing and easily run into like minded party people, ridiculously cheap coke and alcohol. Oh, and don't forget about casinos and hookers.

Hookers, blow, booze, and gambling. Anyone wanna loan me $20K? I need to go find myself.

Come on Tweety - we need to hear the friends reponse to your e-mail.

And pics of Sandy, please, if you wouldn't mind. Body only would be OK.

I would mind, sorry.

if he is gonna teach in south america he will make terrible money + wont be able to pay u back

If you love your friend, you won't give him the money. he's stalled long enough, and giving him money is only going to make things worse.

The decision has already been made. There will be no loan. My own finances are too tight right now for starters (I've committed to a major renovation of a new apartment we bought that will cost north of $400k), plus I don't think it's appropriate anyway.

I started off on the side of no loan but as pieces of extra information come in I switched to loan or end friendship. You can't live a pseudo-baller life and then not help out a friend who needs money -- then again you can't live a baller life and be in debt to dad either but that doesn't seem to stop OP. Once you start blowing large amounts of money indiscriminately on stuff the only way to say no is if you think the guy is a complete loser which then opens up the question of why have you remained friends with someone who you think is a complete loser.

this is definitely the worst post ever on the internet. Not only is is gloriously full of "made up" information (facts?), but it is a grammatical fucxing nightmare.

did you just decide to write some random ****, present it as truths/solid advice, and hope no one notices?

The co-op board of the building I bought an apartment in requires a 50% down payment. This is not unusual in Manhattan in nice neighborhoods. The apartment also needed a lot of work when we bought it, and that was reflected in the purchase price. My parents were very supportive, and we are making regular interest payments. My wife and I both work like dogs and make good incomes, thereby making us qualified to service the loan.

Loaning money with interest to your son to help him and his wife buy and repair a nice home for them and their young daughter is a bit different than giving $10 grand with no job, no income, and no life plan to go blow in South America on God knows what. If you don't think so then we will agree to disagree.

The jab about the parents was not related to you not loaning the money -- in fact you should certainly not loan money to people when you owe yourself. The idea of going on expensive vacations when in debt to family on the other hand seems wrong to me.

I have done the following with this friend:

I told him I wasn't going to give him $10 grand. I told my cash situation for 09 was very tight as he knew, but even if it weren't, I told him I still didn't think it would be a good idea. I said i'd be ok with giving (not loaning) him a much smaller amount of money, say $500-$1,000, in order for him to get by for the next few weeks, but that me paying off his credit card debt for him so he could go down to Uruguay made no sense for either of us. I said I'd be more than happy to help him with a life plan, job search, or anything else like that. I also told him that if he were in true dire straits, such as needing an operation, that i would then give him money for that. But that's not the case here.

He then surprised me by telling me not to worry about it and that he wasn't sure if he was going to go down to South America anymore, and that he really just needed to "figure things out." I again reminded him that I'm here for him and that he could talk to me about anything, and that if he was totally broke and needed some short term cash to get through to the next month or whatever I would give it to him. But we ended the conversation with it being clear that i felt it was time for him to suck it up and get a bartending job, or something else like that to pay the bills until he figured out a more long term job.

The conversation ended on a good note and I have no regrets about the way I chose to handle it.

We aren't going on any vacations this year.

Your friend has put you in a ****ty situation, which isn't fair.

Normally I would lend to a top 3 friend who has always had my back in the past but: south america to "find self" + CC debt + blow = no.

I'd want to help out for a smaller amount and in a different way (ie. stay here and find a job) but negotiating a loan with a friend is a PITA. It won't end well.

I had a friend with a 200 dollar a day percoset habit. He had some bad luck like your pal and dealt with it through numbing himself. He borrowed money off of anyone he had ever had so much as a coffee with for months. I had lent him around a g note until i saw i was merely enabling him and cut him off. I was pretty much the last person who said no, and he checked into rehab after that.

You made the correct decision to help him short term, but set your limit at a around a thou and if he looks like he is on a coke jag....suggest a rehab.

I'd rarely lend friends substantial amounts of money. Either gift it to them or just say no. If it wasn't for the drugs/partying stories, I'd be willing to gift the money (assuming it wasn't too much for me) to any of my close friends. But the drugs, partying, and leaving the country would make be lean against it.

/end thread

Are you freaking kidding me, $200 a day of percoset? Wouldn't that be, like, dozens and dozens of pills? How are you not dead if you're actually doing that many painkillers?

tweety - sounds like a solid conversation. And so quickly after asking you this guy now says he doesn't know if he's going to go to S.A. at all. It's pretty clear this guy doesn't know what the hell he wants nor has any plan (or when he does it's going to change perhaps by the next day). You offering your support and explaining how you would be there for him in such-and-such situation as well as telling him he needs to start to suck it up all sounded very productive to me.

I'm even to the point where I'm somewhat less disgusted and annoyed with your friend and am not rooting for him to pull through this. Updates are necessary now since we're so involved in this guy's life!!