A friend of mine died one week shy of his 65th birthday. His wife was planning a big birthday party to celebrate. She invited over 150 people to the party.

They held his funeral on his birthday. Since the restaurant and food was paid for she told everyone that that the celebration birthday party was still on.

Everyone that attended the funeral went from the cemetery to the restaurant. It was the best funeral wake I ever attended. There was plenty of food and an open bar with a DJ.

The only thing that was missing was the guest of honor---The Birthday Boy.

Not even the Bellagio fountain? What a putz.

He made the declaration back in the early 80's, before Bellagio was built. He loved playing low-limit seven card stud there.

Girls softball pisses me off. Soccer, tennis, basketball, volleyball etc girls play the same game. Why the hell don't they just have girls baseball??

girls are soft and delicate do you want to let them get hit with a hardball.

or maybe they will play better than some of the guys and they will sit on the bench and be embarrassed.

funny take coming from someone who chose the name 'The Gurley Man' (understanding it probably has something to do with a former georgia running back).

growing up there was a local men's fastpitch softball league. not some beer drinking, homer smashing slow pitch league, but real heat from the pitchers similar to what you see from women's college and olympic softball. it has a different strategy than baseball and was great fun to watch. my hunch is it also allowed softball pitchers to keep playing much longer than baseball pitchers due to the different stresses on the arm and shoulder.

The guy softball players are tossing 105mph+ on the reg.

When I was a kid I remember The King and His Court coming to my hometown to play against an all-star team of the local fastpitch softball league. Unbelievable exhibition!

i also remember hearing about The King and His Court, but sadly never got to see them.

yeah, as tx said, the underhand heat men's fastpitch was bringing was the quickest in the game. combined with the extreme movement and ability to throw 'rise balls' it was like whiffle ball on steroids.

But are they doing windmill action like the girls?

How else would they do it?

This is as close to my wish as I've seen. I want my lifeless body shot out of a cannon circus-style into the ocean off a giant cliff. No one I talk to thinks I'm serious or it's legal but it's a combination of two legal acts. What do they do with dead people at sea? Dump them into the ocean. And the canon? I LOL for real every time I think about my body flying head over heels into the water.

After my father died we were talking to the funeral home guy and we got on the subject of what we wanted. My brother is a devout Christian and wants something fairly traditional and I mentioned the above. The funeral director was aghast. He was a retired marine that was on Marine One detail during the Bush/Clinton/Bush administrations so he was very straight. He was a lifelong republican but thought Clinton was the best "human" of the three. No politics from that comment, please.

How the hell is that not an illegal pitch? He must coming back down on the rubber after the hop? Clearly I don’t know what I am talking about because every pitch my instinct was to yell illegal pitch. I wish I could see it from overhead.

That pisses me off so we’re still on topic

It’s illegal (in California, at least) to dump ashes into the ocean. I’d imagine it’s also illegal to chuck a whole corpse into the sea. Burials at sea are done out in international waters. Not off of a beautiful seaside cliff with multimillion dollar mansions all around.

They’d have to rent a boat to shoot your lifeless husk into the ocean a few miles out to sea.

I'd rather be shot from a boat through the window of a multimillion dollar mansion.

I guess that’d be possible with a big enough cannon.

If you really think that girls are soft and delicate you have been living a different life to mine. Vicious creatures capable of immense violence at a moment’s notice sums up my experience

That could work.

Sounds like I need to start a business. Anyone have a cannon for sale that is big enough for a human corpse? That seems like the tough part of the equation.

Maybe call around to theme parks.

I think they changed the rules a few years ago so that you have to drag your back foot. But before that all you had to do was start on the rubber.


Source: My niece used to play softball and I went to a game once.

I would pay a couple bucks to see this. Since this has to be close to the coast I could see people planning a vacation around this. Maybe you should pitch it to your family as a way for them to subsidize your income going away or raising money for a charity.

Speaking of burials, human composting may be coming to a state near you!!

https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/...aware-77121866

at the circus when i was a kid he was famous. for being shot out of a cannon

if you are old enough you will see arthur godfrey starting the show

Do old people have some sort of special vision?