this thread was ridic a few pages back, glad I checked in one more time. lol'd at DD's chocolate story, that freakin owns. As others have mentioned, sounds like your father wanted to have fun vs. being stingy.

that was part of the fun when i was younger and made min wage. i'm a movie lover and admit to theater hopping many times. i pulled off 3 movies for the price of one ticket: Pearl Harbor, Tomb Raider and Swordfish.

Another cheapo move I pulled with friends, buy 2 movie tickets, 2 guys walk in. Take your seats, 1 guy leaves with both ticket stubs, give ticket stub to friend waiting outside, rinse and repeat. Max # we pulled off was 4 of us lol

a kid busted us one time, we played stupid and he let us go. i think the humiliation of getting caught was reward enough for the kid.

they've updated the wiki to say the leg didn't get gangrene
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hetty_Green

DD's stories (and his storytelling) are amazing, I look forward to the rest.

So a few years ago, my buddy and I were in Vegas for the weekend. I called up the pops to make plans for us to get together on Saturday morning for breakfast. He really wants to go to the Green Valley Ranch for the breakfast buffet for some reason.

Nether my friend nor I are really up for a buffet, and besides, I hadn't seen my dad in six months and a buffet is a really terrible way to have a meal with someone you haven't seen in a while. Half the time, someone is up getting food while the other is eating. A great way for buddies to have a gorge fest, but not a way to catch up. This doesn't matter to him though, he's dying to go to this buffet! He's going on and on about how awesome their buffet is, and it's a great price.

I'd eaten at this buffet a few times and never found it anything special. Not bad in any way, but also certainly not deserving of the glowing recommendation that my dad was suspiciously blessing it with. I'm thinking, does this guy own stock in their buffet? Is he getting kickbacks for promoting it? Wtf is going on?!?

So we meet him there around 10:30 (prime buffet time. You get the end of breakfast and the beginning of lunch. Pretty standard move, yes?) and begin to walk towards the buffet together and he says, "Hang on. I'm going to play a little video poker for a minute." I ask him if he wouldn't mind waiting til after the meal. I mean, I hadn't freakin' seen him in half a year. But he then explains that on Wednesdays, if you earn 100 points on the machines, you can exchange it for a free buffet. (zomgzomgwtfbbq free buffet!!!) Aha, so this is why he wanted to go so badly. I ask how long it'll take for him to rack up 100 pts. on his card and he says it should only take a few minutes. (insert irony foreshadowing music) Oh, and bear in mind the buffet is $6.99. I repeat, the buffet is $6.99.

So we go with him to a VP machine. He sits down, inserts his player's card, pop in a $20, and gets to work. We stood behind him and watched as he lost almost every single hand. Seriously, only a few times did he get a winner, and only hands like a pair or 2 pair. It was a quarter machine, and he loses this $20 in about three minutes. He sheepishly hit the button to show how many points he'd earned so far: 35 points. Yeah. He pauses for a moment deep in thought, weighing out the situation. He then reaches into his pocket for his wallet and pulls out another $20. This buffet is $6.99 by the way.

My friend and I glance at each other, pretty unbelieving about what we're witnessing. Before he continues the abuse, I tell him that I actually think I can get comps for all three of us at the BJ pit, no problem. He keeps repeating, "No, it's cool. It's cool. I'm almost to the 100 points," inserts the $20, and we're off.

Somehow, nearly mathematically impossibly, he loses this $20 in less time than the first one. I've seriously never seen someone run so bad on a VP machine. It was just ugly. He hits the summary button: 60 points. Now, determined, he reaches into his pocket and whips out another Jackson. I implore my dad to let me get us three comps for the buffet, but he says that he's so close to the 100 points that it would be foolish not to go for it. He inserts his now third $20 and gets to work. Have I mentioned that the buffet is $6.99?

My friend and I are in shock. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I look over at my friend, and he is doubled over, paralyzed so hard with laughter that he has tears streaming down his face. This third $20 ends up going the way of his previously fallen brethren. My father, now down $60, hits the summary button: 95 points. So close!! Out comes the wallet, out comes another $20.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

$6.99 buffet.

It's no use talking to him at this point, he's going to get this free mother****ing buffet if it kills him. I mean, if you don't have your principles, what do you have? My friend and I are absolute messes behind him. It was just about the funniest, most heart breaking thing we'd ever seen. I tell my dad that he needs to check the points summary every couple hands because as soon as he hits 100, he has to cash out. He promises that he will, and ends up losing $10 more before he finally hits the glorious 100 points mark. I tell him, "OK. That's it. Cash out NOW, let's go." Beaten and broken and down 70 bucks, he cashes out his remaining $10, grabs his card, and proceeds to the player's club booth.

Now, with the air of a cocky ass balla, he slams his card on the counter and says, "One free buffet please," grinning ear to ear, like now it's his turn for the sweet, sweet glory of his free goody.

The man takes the card and swipes it. click clack click goes the keyboard.

Man: "Hmm, it looks like you don't have enough points for a buffet."
Pops: "No, I definitely do. I earned them just now."
Man: "Sorry sir, it's showing that you haven't earned enough points for it."
Pops: "But today's Wednesday."
pause
Man: "Yes, yes it is."
Pops: "Isn't the Wednesday special earn 100 points for a free buffet?"
Man: "No, sir. It changed last week. It's now 300 points."

A little piece of my dad died right then in that moment. I told him to wait there with my friend, went to the BJ pit, and five minutes later came back with 3 comps for the buffet.

He didn't really have much of an appetite.

Now I know this story isn't that crazy $$$-wise. I know that much more has been lost in the name of trying to get a comp, or even a free drink. And maybe knowing my dad helps make this a lot funnier, I'm not sure. He's just such a mild mannered, docile dude and watching him get furiously beat down in his wildly passionate attempt to get himself a $6.99 buffet and ultimately be told he's only 1/3 of the way there, well, it remains with me as one of the most tragically comic things I've ever witnessed.

I salute you DD (and your dad obviously)

man, normally when someone pops into a big thread like this and teases us with the "oh man i have so many good stories" line, they ultimately end up hemming and hawing, finally giving us two or three crappy stories because they "seem to have forgotten the best ones".

but not double down, no sirree. not only are your stories awesome, they're very well-written. keep them coming!

so true, especially about the well-written part. i think the last one is my favorite.

lol n1 DD

No matter how low our un-baller fantasy baseball league buy-in, someone usually whines every year about a $10-20 entry. Stupid broke college students.

DD new thread hero imo

I'm a professional earning a decent income and still hate the idea of throwing away even $20 on a league where I'm clearly -ev.

DD, if prohornblower is the only detractor of your awesome dad stories, you can still consider them the complete success that they are.


In fact, it may bring their success to even greater heights!

So, there's a professional I know who is earning a decent income, and he still hates the idea of taking part in a $20 league where he is clearly -ev.

I don't mind that with fantasy sports, since there is a big element of luck, same with poker if I am drinking heavily and they aren't, I know I am likely a small dog, but whatever. But the other day we had a ping pong tourney double elimination with 9 people where I was likely the 6th/7th best, and it just felt like throwing money away the whole time, even though it was only $10 and I lose 100x that without blinking an eye.

OK I'm only on page 2 out of 27 and I could easily read this entire thread tonight in one sitting. Cheapness f'n fascinates me.

Yet I don't really have any stories myself.

The best I got is that I used to work for a defense contractor - which meant TONS of meetings. I mean thats really what working for a major defense contractor is - meetings. Probably 1 out of every 15 was catered.

There were more than a few managers who seemed to show up only for the ones with food. And all kinds of randoms would end up at those meetings too. It was like there was a secret network that published when they were happening. Or maybe people just walked around looking for them. It was also amazing just how excited everyone got to eat ****** food in a crappy meeting instead of doing what they want on their own longer lunch break.

Back to reading this thread.

Ok, had to read DD's stories before I started back at page 2.

Got a question for the man. Great stories, btw.

Do you ever find yourself slipping into doing things that your dad would do?

This happens everywhere imo. I held a focus group one time to get end user feedback for a project I was leading and cc'ed those in the group's supervisors simply to inform them their staff would be attending a meeting for 45 minutes. I included that pizza would be provided for the focus group.

So of course, their managers, who prior to this meeting couldn't have cared less about the project saunter into the meeting and load up a plate. They pretty much sat in the meeting and ate and offered little feedback. Not that I wanted their opinions anyway since they were in management like me - again I wanted end user opinions only.

Thankfully there was enough pizza to feed everyone because I would have been if we started to run short.

im subscribing for DD's stories!

i wouldn't have said anything if he wasn't wrong about every single thing he posted about. he's like [phill]x10.

Did you get the buffet comps for actually playing blackjack? Or did you tell the pit boss the same sad story you just told us and he comped you the buffet out of pity?

Growing up with it, I was on the road to really becoming just like him in many ways. I don't know why I got very lucky to end up observing and then loathing it, and putting forth a great amount of effort to understand and connect with people.

As a result, I never use coupons, I don't really look for short cuts, etc. But one way I am still DEFINITELY like this is that I theater hop with my friends. We look at the schedule online to figure out how to hit up two movies we want to see. Obviously, I never do this on a date, just with pals. And we even refer to it as a "(my last name) Special." since I learned it from my dad.

Other than this, my friends would tell you that I'm not really like this in any other way.

Not sure if this is stingy, standard or wtf.

When I was a kid and we were carpooling, my Mum would NEVER deviate from our route home when dropping off other kids. The same applied to dropping me off somewhere. It didn't matter if it was an hour for some poor little bstard to walk, if it was raining, the middle of the night - whatever. (this is age 7)

I thought it was normal until I started getting rides with other families and they all dropped me at the door. The first time this happened I thought, 'whoa, this is some baller sht.'

I then realised that even families who didn't have a lot of cash gave the royal door to door treatment too, in fact it seemed standard for parents to drop kids off AT the intended destination.

It was like my mum wanted to see how far she could push the envelope, saving time and gas money. We basically got blacklisted from carpooling which of course would have cost her significantly more in the long run.


--Would love to hang out with Double Down's Dad for the day, your posts have had me crying. It's awesome that you can enjoy it now - Must have been tough as a teen though. More stories thanks.

my inlaws are some cheap ass bastards. I live in north atlanta and often vacation in south florida with them. I drove almost all the way home from florida one day, wife and in law in the car slept, so I did at least 6 of the 9 hours. Get home feeling like a zombie. Brother in law has his flight (he flew in from up north) delayed like 5 hours so he comes in at midnight. wife is comatose and other brother in law "has work early" in the morning. So guess who gets nominated to drive an hour to the airport at midnight to get him? nevermind that I am dead exhausted, the brother won't hear ANY reason to get a cab (woulda cost like $50). not to mention, he lives on the Eastern side of Atlanta.

I got home at almost 2:30 am because cheap ass wouldn't spend $50 to get a cab. Plus I was driving around all over city dead exhausted from driving all the way from South Florida that day. Next time I'll goddamn offer to pay the ****ing cab myself.

I get doing favors for people but sometimes people expect the ridiculous.

I found this very funny.

That's right around wtf as far as I'm concerned.