Quote:
Originally Posted by SirGaribaldi
just look @ it from the other side. you own something worth 30$.
now a relative from you comes to you and wants, no expects it for free,( actually thats the douchy part of the story) and therefore puts you in this bad spot where u can only lose. either you lose 30$ or you are called stingy/unfriendly. you choose to make a balancing move, you get 15$, your son saves 15$ and everybody should be happy.
btw i assume the son is earning his own money.
all this blaming of you is argumented with "yea he wont use it anyway so its worth 0$ for him". but you dont know this. i mean maybe he has a friend @ work who uses to golf there and he wants to give it to him @ his birthday, or maybe sell it to him as well for 15-20$.
the stingy one is they guy asking another one to have sth. for absolutely free.
sorry guys, but this topic just tilts me to hell, i have a friend who does this ALL the time. "hey its just 1 drink, dont be that stingy" "hey its just 10$ for the cab, just pay him" "hey its just 20miles extra to drive for you, whats 20miles worth in gas? dont be that stingy"
I completely understand it from the other side, because this is my dad's point of view and I grew up with it my whole life. But you need to recognize that you are looking at this through a filter of "what makes me the most $$" and "how can I get the most out of this situation". Yes, it's a win/win. I get it. I get it. I still save $15 and he makes $15 he never would have were it not for me golfing.
But the point is that there is a very fine line between being opportunistic and stingy, and someone who sells a coupon they wouldn't use anyway to a friend or relative is sending the message that they are willing to do someone they care about a favor, but only if they themselves get something out of it. Yes, it's +EV from a monetary standpoint but -EV in the way of effecting relationships, and is frankly a very robotic, Asbergersy way to be. It's like since they can't quantify the value in things like the enjoyment of an experience, or the company, or doing a good deed, they concentrate on maximizing the one thing they can quantify, which is money. So life becomes about making the most, saving the most, getting the best deal, etc. regardless of how it effects those other things.
It's like at some level they feel that if someone gets something from them for free, even if it didn't cost them anything, that they've been taken advantage of in some way. There was wasted potential for profit. They had something that was of some value, gave it away, and had nothing to show for it.
And for the record, I didn't "expect" my dad to give me the coupon like some spoiled kid. I asked if I could have it, he said yes, and then the next morning he proposed his win/win offer to me. Your analogies of a friend bumming a drink or a 20 mile ride from you is not applicable, because in those cases a friend is asking of something from you; your money, your time, etc. And FWIW, I am very, very sensitive when it comes to asking people for favors because I have been witness or party to countless events of someone taking advantage of someone else.
For example, it is my standard move that when asking for a friend for a ride to the airport, I offer them lunch on the way. It gives us an opportunity to hang out and is a sign of gratitude. Would they still take me if I didn't offer lunch? Definitely. But driving to LAX and back is a bitch and my taking them out for lunch is my way of letting them know that I recognize that and appreciate what they are doing. Sometimes they offer the same to me when asking for a ride, and sometimes they don't. I really don't care. I'm not keeping count. They're my friends.
Your point of view sends the message that making every possible dollar is priority number one, and quality of relationship is priority number two. You are completely entitled to that opinion, I just do not happen to share it, nor do most people (at least in this situation). It comes from a mindset of limit and scarcity.
What if right before we went golfing, my dad said, "Nevermind about the coupon. I just talked to a friend from work willing to give me $20 for it". Would you see anything wrong with this or not, since now he's making $5 more?
OK, I promise that I will post the stories soon. I wasn't trying to be a tease, it was just incredibly late last night. I will take some time today to come up with a top ten, rank them, and start posting. As you can see, brevity is not my strong suit (no one could accuse me of being stingy with my words), so I think one a day might be fun.