https://youtu.be/TynPqDlQ-F0

pretty crushing.

i went to see napolean dynamite with a pretty gal from school. i drove, i paid, we had a great time, and i dropped her off at her dad's mansion on schedule. like 5 minutes later her friend texts me asking me why i didn't kiss her and i had enough of that along w/women in totality.

I went to this strip club in the hood.
I was already pretty damn drunk.
They was some fine dancers working.
I got a couch dance and didnt realize how friendly they would be.
So friendly she took my pecker out and started going down stroker avenue..
But alas I was so damn drunk I could not get hard.

Damn,damn, damn!!!

I live in Vegas so last Saturday I went to Omnia by myself, my friends all play poker and obviously weekends are the most profitable so I decided to go by myself.
Anyway, couldn't close with a couple of girls so I head out to Cosmo.

I get to Cosmo around 4 am and the chandelier bar is ****ing crazy busy.
Ordered a beer and I was sitting by the bar smoking when I see this cute redhead at a table with her husband. She's smiling, signals me to come over to the table and I do.

As soon as I sat down she jumps in my lap ****ing with my hair saying "your fooking cute" in a thick Scottish accent. We started talking, I can barely understand what they're saying but apparently they've been together since they were 10 lol wtf.

They ordered some shots and beers and while we're drinking the husband asked me if I wanna go up to their room and smoke while pointing at her and looking at me like "are you down with her?".

I was pretty wasted so I said yeah let's go. On the way to the elevator she stops and starts talking to this three guys. Her husband is just staying there and I'm like wtf, I let it happen for like 30s then I go grab her aggressively. She's all smiles saying "I fooking loved how you grabbed me".

Anyway, we get to the room, we smoke a few minutes then I asked her where the bathroom is. The husband is smoking on the balcony, she takes my hand and leeds me to the bathroom. I opened the door and I go in first when I realized I really had to take a piss real bad. I tell her that and I close the door. While I'm taking a piss (it felt like the longest piss I ever taken at the time lol) I'm thinking if I should really go through with this... and yeah I couldn't so I head out the door while they were still outside without saying anything. I guess I thought the husband might get jealous and who knows. I felt like a pussy afterwards.

thread should be titled "stories by pussies too afraid to get some" smdh

First time: I was 19 years old and had been dating a guy for 2-3 months who I really liked. We'd fooled around but he always stopped short, I guess because I was a virgin. I was very interested in going all the way though but it just hadn't happened.

He was working for a Russian guy who was rumored to be in the mafia and Russian guy was having a big dinner/restaurant event that we were going to. So I meet the Russian guy boss who insists that we sit next to him. So I have the old russian guy on one side and my bf on the other.

I start thinking WTF am I doing here on a Saturday night listening to this old lecherous guy. So I lean over to my BF and whisper in his ear "I want to eff you NOW."

Immediately BF explains that we have to go and we go back to his place to do it. Yay!

Cliffs:
It hurt a little
I did not bleed though it was def my first time.
It felt really good but I wanted to do it again immediately. BF explained that it took a little time until he could do it again. I waited. Every 20 min or so I asked him if he was ready. Seriously.

Now that the virgin thing was addressed I was thinking Cool...I want to try A, B, C, D...you know, just to see what I liked. BF was of a different mindset.

Seems like a severe result but I don’t disagree. Don’t feel bad for me though...

Brag, even after drunkly burning her blouse with a cigarette I ended up banging her freshman year of college during a party at my apartment. Beat, a much hotter girl was interested in me until she saw me take her upstairs, she knew her rep. Variance, no resulting std from not using a rubber and I finally understood the carpet not matching the drapes.

tight-lipped, so ldo

He didnt want to try out different sex stuff? What kind of weird **** were you wanting to do?!

smh

Ha, no he really didn't, which took me a while to really understand and we aren't talking any weird bizarre shiat, at least I don't think so! You know, doing it in the shower/tub, um different orifices...and I tied him up. In retrospect, that was a bad idea.

He didn't want to try it, so I stupidly waited until he was asleep. Then I tied him up with the cords of his game controllers (and other shiat) which I then tied to his TV. rofl I wish I was making this up. When he woke up, SURPRISE!

He was pissed, then the clunker of a TV fell over. Let's just say Very Josie didn't get any that night.

ROFL I'd forgotten all about that.

Just recently I discovered I can both laugh hysterically and have an orgasm at the same time. Kind of an odd sensation TBH.

Josie,

wow, lol, yeah not a good plan!

If you can go off like a sprinkler at the same time, then we've got a show.

Sexual refractory period.

Oh man, I've got some fun stories. Will share some later.

Bertstare wins the thread thus far. Just perfect.

At first I didn't know who you meant and then I remembered my brows.

Josie,

No offense to you or your stories or your eyebrows, but the actual bertstare.gif is definitely the best part of this thread

Tying someone up without their knowledge and against their will is definitely a solid second place though.

Oh whew! Thanks!

Why have you abandoned the Beast thread, RJ?

I was thinking the same thing except I was 13 in 9th grade

I’m just not on here as often any more, and usually by the time I am I’ve got six pages worth of posts to catch up on. He’s more fun to interact with in real time. Besides, not sure what else there is to say to him at this point. He’s one of the most aggressively ignorant and egotistical people to ever grace this forum. Somewhat fun to poke, but there are long periods of tedium between the funny bits.

In for later

This was truly epic...

Def high point of the story was “My only thought was to hand her over to them...”