That seems a little much. By the way, I’m Howard and I use he/him/his.

It sounds like passing is important to you so I'd try to focus on the positive that you're attracting people. Maybe find safer situations to express your sexuality. I know bouncers can be pretty scary themselves but if something is starting to feel dangerous please trust your instincts and seek out staff to help keep you safe. Aren't white trans chicks only second in random violent attacks to black trans chicks?

El D outing you is maybe the least surprising thing ever.

Did the hands signal their intent?

I am all for change of many things. But the way to do it is not to say that people shouldn't behave badly, so I will go out and no one will be mean to me, assault me and everything is gonna be all right. The way of change is too seek dialog where there is no acute stress situation, no one feels violated and everyone is in the more or less calm waters.

If I would be Jo, I would totally get pretty active in LGBT.

And my views are strongly influenced by my everyday life. Sexual assault is present and I can either be a victim or deal with it wisely: Not enter situations where it can get out of hand, keep control, signal absolutely unambiguous and early when I don't like the advances, having zero hesitations to kick in the balls and go absolutely all-in when a guy doesn't understand "no". Just having this attitude is immensely helpful. I can't remember last time things got so out of hand that it would seriously upset me.

Bluegrass,

That's good to know - I sometimes get invited on business trips to Asia and have been hesitant to say yes as I'm not sure which are trans-friendly.


DZ,

I hear you. I think part of the problem is my male socialization. There is still part of me that sees making out with a drunk random as some kind of achievement, when it totally isn't.


Offsuit,

*shrug* I was using another girl's pic and he came across it on the internet. He knew none of my backstory. I shouldn't have been claiming to be someone I wasn't. There's no hard feelings on my part.


nhlnut,

I'm not sure - seemed more like they were looking for a vagina to be honest.

I've never seen a hotel room so small that I wouldn't rather carve a little bathroom out of it and give up that space than share a hotel bathroom. A 50 sf room with a bathroom > a 300 sf room without.

This was my 8th and 9th sexual assault. They have mainly been of the groping/forcible kissing variety. One was in a park, one in a public bathroom, and three in LGBT friendly bars/clubs. There was even one in a fancy restaurant in Berkeley. I was sat at the bar with a gf, when a drunk guy grabs me round the waist, gropes my boobs, leans in to me ear and says "I know you're not a girl but I'd **** you anyway." He did it right in front of the restaurant manager, who immediately 86ed him and comped our food and drink. They are often so quick and unexpected that you just don't have time to react. And I am already active in the LGBT community.

And thank you all for letting me unload here and listening

It has been very cathartic.

We can go back to talking about weddings and muppets

I see new topics have come up.

Putting hands up a skirt after a few minutes of making out at a club is definitely not ok. That's coming more from an old-fashioned place than a newfangled sjw place I think.

As far as The Crying Game goes and when to tell? Hell if I know. Back in my day it was certainly before making out, but I really don't know anymore. Times have definitely changed. I didn't know anyone who was gay and out until college. I never spoke to anyone who I knew was trans until I was in my mid-40s and then like 20% of the kids at my kids' middle school identified as something other than cis-hetero-normative or whatever.

Yeah Satan has really been stepping up his game lately.

Not that your post was full of earnest, but I wasn't implying those were the good old days.

If there aren't that many trans people out there and most of them would prefer to go by the normal pronouns for their presentation, how often could it possibly come up that someone wants to go by another pronoun? To me, having never seen it, it seems quite self important for someone who presents as one gender to ask everyone around them to refer to them as 'they' when they aren't around. It seems especially pointless to do that in a meeting, where you aren't going to be using pronouns like that anyway.

If I was trans I think I'd hate the practice, since I'd just want to pass as my preferred gender without drawing attention to it at the start of every meeting. It'd be like starting a meeting with your name and race and an acknowledgment of your privilege.

One of my favorite things about Billions this season is how seamlessly they use the preferred pronouns of Asia Kate Dillon’s character.

I've got skirt steak as a decidedly BAD BUY.

Yes, there's flavor there. Yes, you can use it adequately in a steak sandwich or fajitas. But goddamit give me some chicken thighs or a myriad of pork cuts for a fraction of the price. That chewiness has got to go.

Skirt steak: You're on the no-go list for this installment of Dodger's Caveat Emptor Rapport.

The timing of this all is coincidental.

Seriously though, I just bought some reduced. Last time it was just fine but this time there was some major diminishing returns. Skirt steak once a year is what I'm telling you.

Aside: I don't see how getting it on with a person with male parts is anything other than (close to?) gay. OTOH I think of threesomes and/or being pegged and it's like who gives a ****. I do think you have to live in the real world and realize that most straight/hetero/cis guys would be perturbed at your lie by omission.

Skirt steak is not chewy. Unless you're at a butcher's shop it is very unlikely that the silverskin has been removed from your skirt steak. Take the 5 simple minutes to do it yourself, there are probably some instructional videos out there, but be careful you don't click on one posted by pokerjo.


Intentionally deceiving(skirt, makeup, voice) drunk guys for your own benefit makes you the assaulter not them.

I used a sharp knife to remove it, bruh. Tell me skirt steak isn't chewy compared to cuts at comparable prices.

I also sliced against the grain. 3-4 min on each side on a hot grill and let rest for 5 minutes before cutting.

K

Good to know that Dodger only allows himself to grab skirt steak once a year.

Perfect timing!

Well, I'm not talking about when I'm in Oakland.

Lots of trans folk don't present as their gender, for example trans men who aren't on T often don't look very masculine and are ambiguous or even appear female. Many trans folks are gender fluid/gender queeer/non-binary and use they/their/them (or ze/zir but that seems less common), even though they might look very male or female.

How is it gay? A trans presents as a woman, and that femininity is presumably what straight men find attractive.

If you screw a woman who is trans and presents as a man, THEN you’re gay.

LOL no.

I mean...

Yeah what's gay about buggering a person that has a raging boner?!