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One of the things my extra time is going to is thinking a lot about life. My past, my present, my future. Especially my past. Who I am, who I want to be, etc. I'm pretty sure that drinking was a way to distract myself from thinking all the time. I guess that's pretty standard. I've been spending a lot of time dwelling on some pretty heavy stuff, which isn't really pleasant and probably doesn't make me a breeze to be around. These thoughts and tendencies are probably something I should keep examining. I've always known that alcohol was more a symptom than the actual problem itself. I think I'm starting to see the problem.
The good news is that I've noticed I'm procrastinating less and have a lot more patience in general. I'm unquestionably sharper than I've been in quite some time. My focus on work and my volunteer stuff is more consistent than maybe ever. I still have the sense of resolve that started this, but I'm also getting a sense of purpose.
I'm definitely a more serious person than I was a few months ago. That's probably a function of a number of things, but mostly not drinking. My feelings about this are a little mixed, but I'm also legitimately excited to see what I'm capable of when I'm actually trying.
It's an interesting thread LFS. I attempted to quit alcohol a number of times in my early 20's. I was essentially an alcoholic and probably swore off booze around 20-30 times from the ages 19-24.
It would take a very long time to detail all of my thoughts on the subject, but one thing I will say is that I believe alcohol is more a symptom than a problem fundamentally. Unfortunately, things like drink driving, violence and the destruction of personal relationships can occur while intoxicated. At that point, the consumption of alcohol itself is a problem.
Quitting can be difficult. The more awful a thing I did, the greater my intensity to quit would be. In these times, I would be able to quit for months at a time due to the severity of my remorse.
At some point, my life changed. That would be too complex a subject to broach. But when you wake up with a purpose that has meaning to you each day, and you have a strong desire to perform at your best, your core desires change.
One my my best friends used to try and encourage me to have one glass of wine during my periods of sobriety. I wanted to shag her, so I agreed. This always led me to binge drinking (I did get the sexytime so it was worth it).
Anyway, the point I'm trying to get at is that when I have a drink these days, I rarely have an urge to continue. I hate being hungover. It makes it more difficult to concentrate on poker or put in a hard session of physical training. It just slows me down. I still use it to develop new friendships and relationships, and sometimes we all need a break from the grind. But now, even while I'm drinking, I usually can't wait to get back to work with a clear mind, as well as fully hydrated for a run, swim or bike ride.
The other thing that has changed is that when I am drunk, my behaviour is extremely positive / social. When I was younger, anything was possible. Sometimes it was funny, sometimes it was crazy, sometimes it was violent and sometimes it was sad. Now I generally just get excited and dance around.
So, even for people with extremely addictive personalities, I think it is possible that one day the urge to binge will dissipate. I just don't have that light switch in my brain anymore. Or if I do, it only wants to flick itself on twice a year.
This has been kind of all over the place, sorry I couldn't write something coherent. I wish you all the best with your attempt to quit. I think you've got a better chance of success than I used to because my friends and family were 50 / 50 on supporting my decision or encouraging me to drink with them.